I dont want to have "hope" about anything and *Im not "hopeless" about anything. I don't "hope for" absolutely anything. (*forget my username, Im not "hopeless" about absolutely anything in any way at all much less the type of 'hopeless' all of 'you' are. Idk why I chose this 'username' but I'll clarify again that Ive never been "hopeless" about anything, Im not and never will lol. I wrote 'hopeless' reffering to having/finding a way out, a method in which I can ctb with. Because I dont think ill find one, at least anytime soon, if i find one it'll have been so hard to find it. I just hope i find one someday. Nothing else, Im not "hopeless" about absolutely anything. I don't want to be "hopeful" about anything lol. And 'someone' will 'say': ""''"that's because you've been trying to have hope about something for many years and you still haven't got it and things are the same and there's no improvement and youre tired of trying again and again already so you dont care anymore and thats why you say you're not hopeless about anything, you used to be, there used to be something you wanted and needed or wanted to improve, change and fix but the results were always the same and there was always no improvements and you used to be very hopeless about that but you kept trying but it's been too long and things are still the same and you're still stuck and suffering and with the same problems** so you've decided to not care about anything so you dont suffer trying to get better and improve and reaching something you can't because caring means suffering and being hopeless if you can't have what you want and need or you cant improve and resolve your life and your situation and problems"""" """maybe youve realized that it's stupid to want and need something/to want to have hope and be hopeless about things that arent worth it and will just make you suffer more""""
No lmfao it's not because of any of that crap nor literally any other 'reason' at all. I couldn't give any less of a damn fcking sht if 'something' is "stupid" or "not stupid" lol and no, I dont want nor need anything (yes, to disappear and be nothing at all in nonexistence for all eternity, that's it, I just don't want ANYTHING else. But apart from that? absolutely ANYTHING at all. And im not "suffering" about anything at all. Absolutely anything. And theres nothing that has/needs to be 'fixed'/'resolved'/'improved'/'changed' or whatever that is lol. My 'situation'/'life' is 'normal'/'good'/'great' [or whatever the fck that means] and has always been and I don't give a sht. I dont have any 'problems'/'issues'/'disabilities'/'illnesses'/'mental illnesses'**** etc nor any other type of 'problems'/'trauma'/'pain'/'suffering'/'issues'/'bad situations'/'bad circumstances'/'difficulties' etc and I don't give a fck. i couldnt care any less lol. why just because 'I' 'became' 'something'/'someone' and 'Im' 'here'/'I' 'exist' do i automatically have to want/care about/want to 'like'/have "interest" for etc 'things'? why cant I just not and that's it? The only reasons i still 'exist'/I havent ctb yet is bc I dont have any way out and bc well, as much as I dont give a shit about absolutely anything, my parents will be very 'devastated'/'sad' if I die (sorry i guess but Ill ctb someday anyway) and well they don't deserve that i guess and I know it'll be hard for them and theyll suffer and cry because they would have lost their 'daughter'/'loved one' and blah blah. But if i just dont want to 'experience 'life' (nor any other thing at all in general whatever/however it is) I simply just dont and that's it. end of the 'story'. This shouldnt be obligatory. I cant help/cant avoid having 'parents'/'family' (they're NOT "bad" 'parents'/'family' or whatever "bad" means. Theyre 'good'/'great'/'amazing'/'normal'/'perfect' [or whatever those "positive" 'adjectives'/'words'/'ways' blah blah whatever, mean lol] 'parents'/'family' and I dont give a fck. And they 'want'/'love'/'support'/'appreciate'/'value' 'me' a lot (or whatever those "positive" 'verbs' mean lol couldnt care less) and I dont give a sht. and there'll be 'people' who will say: "yOu sHouLd bE gRAtEfUl tHat yOu havE a GoOd lIfE aNd yOu hAvE a sUpPorTive aNd lovInG fAmiLy aNd tHat yOu dOnt hAvE aNy dISaBilItiEs/iLlnEsSes aNd tHat yOu hAvE foOd, pLaCe tO lIvE aNd pLaCe tO sLeEp aNd yOurE hEaLtHy yOuRE sO pRiViLeGeD i wIsH i wAs yOu aNd hAd yOur LiFe aNd yOur lUcK" lol ok. I dont give a damn sht that I have all this and can have "whatever i want"/"anything i want"/whatever "positive"/"good" 'things', I DONT CARE AT ALL. Why do i have to be "grateful" or whatever that means? I dont want to be "grateful" about anything. Why do i have to want things? Why cant i just want death/nothingness/non-existence? Isn't that possible? Why? Just because the "human species"/"human race" or whatever a "race"/"species" means/is, say so and feel like it and it's the "normal/correct" thing? And well ok I'm 'privileged' or whatever tf that means and? So what? I couldn't care less lol. I dont want/need/have "interest" for/care about absolutely anything and I never will. I would give you all my 'health'/'body'/'brain'/'life' etcetc whatever, anything you want, if I could. It's NOT that i "hAtE mYsElf aNd tHaTs wHy i dOnT cArE tHat tHey lOvE/wAnt/sUpPoRt/valUe eTc 'mE'" no lmao, it's not that sht nor literally any other 'thing'/'reason'. i just simply dont care at all that 'they' or whatever other 'people' 'want'/'love'/'appreciate'/'value'/'support' or whatever 'me'. It's like: ok I guess..? Lol. I dont "hate" 'myself' at all or whatever "hate" means. I neither "dislike"/"hate" nor "like"/"love" 'myself' nor anyone/anything else in general. I just dong care, absolutely dont care. theres a difference. Im completely indifferent (and couldn't care any less) about 'myself' and others/'people' in general/everyone in general/everything in general whatever/however it is. I dont have any "positive" nor "negative" nor "neutral" 'opinion' about absolutely anything lol, I just couldn't care less. I dont give a fck. It's completely indifferent about 'me' and has always been and will always be.
{****although there are probably 'people' who will assume I have some "mental illness" or whatever the fuck that is lol, as if i gave a fuck lol, because I say i simply literally just dont have any "interest" about/dont give a shit about absolutely
anything at all in general no matter what/how it is and that I simply literally just don't want to 'live'/'do'/'experience'/'know about'/'learn from'/'discover'/'enjoy'/'be part of'/'participate in' 'life'/'human life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'existence' (nor absolutely any other thing whatever/however it is lol) in general regardless how it is/the way it is/what happens/the "life standard" that there exists/what there is/what it has/what it can 'mean'/what it is|can be about/how it works|how it can work etc wItHoUt aNy rEaSoN aT aLl lol. ah okay, I didnt know that it's obligatory to have a fucking 'reason' to simply just not want to exist even though I never asked to exist/be 'brought' anywhere at all and 'I' 'exist'/am 'here' because 'I' was forced to
(i dont want to be neither on 'planet earth'/'the world' however it is/whatever happens etc neither anywhere else at all. Just
nothingness. Thats what i want. it may sound "boring" and or "depressing" for all of you but it's not for me lol. I dont give a fck if whatever 'thing'/'something' is "boring" or "interesting" or "depressing" or "exciting" or whatever, lol.
Everything is 'good'/'great'/'normal'/'perfect' AND I DONT GIVE A DAMN FCK. lol. why do i have to 'care'? just because i had no choice but exist/'become'/'be'/be 'brought' 'here'/be 'born' and put inside a 'human body'/'brain' and 'im' 'someone'/'something'? and by the way these are probably phrases that prolifers (and not pro lifers... Lol) would tell me...] [**what "problems" lol i don't have absolutely any type of "problems", I simply literally just dont give a damn shit about 'life'/'human life'/'the world'/'planet earth' IN GENERAL nor absolutely anything in general at all of any type/kind/way and simply have no "interest" and don't want to have it never had it and never will [and it's NOT because of hoW/tHe wAy 'lIfE'/'tHe wOrlD'/'pLaNet eArtH' iS neither bEcAuSe lIfE/eXiStEnCe/'eVerYthInG' bLah bLah wHatEvEr, iS 'mEaNIngLeSs' aNd 'pOiNtLeSs' nor because of literally any other 'reason'/'thing' at all. I couldnt care less if 'life'/'existence'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'this' or 'that'/'something'/whatever is "meaningless" or "meaningful", I dont give a single sht lol. It's completely INdifferent to 'me' and it has always been and will always be. Everything is absolutely indifferent to 'me' and that'll never change. "THaT iTs bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn" "yOu dOnT cArE aBOuT aNythIng fOr A ReAsOn, tHeReS a ReAsOn yEs Or YeS iT iS iLloGicAl tHat tHeRe iSnT aNy rEAsOn aT aLl" "mAybE yOu uSed tO cArE a LoT aBoUt tHiNgS/sOmethInG sO mUcH aNd yOu gOt tIrEd bEcAuSe oF tRYinG AgaIn aNd aGaIn aNd ReAlIZiNg tHaT tHiNgS dOnT gET bEtTer aNd yOu gOt hOpElEsS aBouT tHat maybE
(im not "hopeless" about anything) aBouT iMpRoViNg yOur lIfE aNd bEiNg hApPy
('my life' doesn't need any 'improvement' at all in any aspect lol it's already 'good'/'great'/'normal' and I dont give a single fck lol) (I can be 'happy' if i want/whenever I want, if that's what i wanted lol but i dont want to be 'happy' nor any "positive" way in general at all, I'm neither any "positive" way nor any "negative" 'way'/'mood', I don't give a sht, I simply just dont want to be any fucking way [much less "positive" lol] neither from/about 'mood' nor 'personality'/'traits'/'qualities'/'abilities'/'virtues' or whatever tf that means lol.) oR yOu mAyBe tHiNk tHaT eVeRyThInG iS mEaNiNglEsS aNd pOinTlEsS sO yOu sAy wHy eVeN cArE aNd wOrRy aBoUt tHiNgS iTs pOinTlEsS aNd mEanIngLeSs BecAusE gOnNa dIe aNywAyS aNd aLl tHiS iSnT wOrtH iT"
(no lol I couldnt give less of a fuck if 'something'/a 'thing'/'life'/'existence'/'the world'/'planet earth' and/or whatever other 'thing' is "worth"/"not worth"/"worthful"/"worthless" or whatever the fuck all that means lol. I dont give a sht if 'something' is "meaningful" or "meaningless" lol Ive never gave a sht and never will. And i dont want to have any 'reason'/'purpose' to live or whatever 'reason'/'purpose' means
(***as if i gave a sht if it's "illogical" {or whatever the fck that means} or "irrational" or whatever the fck lol. And no, theres no reason but if whoever would say that chooses to not believe well thats not my 'problem' lol, i couldn't care less that 'people' dont understand/comprehend/believe this, Im just clarifying that there simply arent any reasons so no one makes any assumptions. (why it has to change lol and why the fck there has to be something "different" or "relevant"/"important"/"valuable" [or whatever the fck that means lol] for 'me'? "WhAtS tHe rEaSoN? ThERe hAs tO bE oNe. Not wAnTiNg tO lIve lIfE/eXiSt/nOt cArInG aBouT aNythIng wItHoUt aNy ReAsoN aT aLl Is nOt pOsSiBlE aNd iTs iRrAtIonAl" [as if i gave a sht if it's "impossible" or "irrational" or whatever that means] And none. Why there has to be a reason? Just because it's been 'said' by 'humans' that there has to be a 'reason' or else it's """"irrational""""? (i couldnt care any less if it's "irrational" or whatever tf that means lol. I dont want to 'do'/'say'/'think' anything "rational" or whatever the fck that means lmao. I just couldnt care less) how the fck is it """irrational""" if I never even asked to be 'born'/'exist'/be 'brought' absolutely anywhere at all in the first place?
There's NO 'reason' at all, why there has to be one? "ThEN iTs a ChEmIcAl ImBalAncE iN yOuR bRAiN" well, if you want to 'think' that is that sht or whatever a "chemical imbalance in the 'brain'" is... go ahead i guess, I couldn't give any less of a fck lmao.
Theres nothing i 'want'/'need'. I 'have it all' and i don't give a damn shit. There's
NOTHING I "want"/"need"/"wish for"/"like" [I neither "like" nor "dislike" anything, I simply just dont give a shit lol] /"care about"/"hope for"/"dream about" nor any other crap like that lol. I could perfectly 'want'/'need'/'hope for'/'like' 'things' and blah blah, whatever, if that's what I wanted lol but i just simply don't give a shit have never gave a shit and never will. I dont want nor need nor have any "interest" for/dont give a fck about absolutely anything at all.
