Discussion What experiences will suicide deliver you from having?

[Tom9999]

Here are mine.

Homelessness
I will shortly be evicted from my apartment. If by that time I still have no acceptable place to go besides the streets or a shelter, I will kill myself, because living on the streets or in a shelter is not an experience I am willing to endure.

Suffering meaninglessly
All the suffering I have undergone in my life has resulted in nothing but me having lived a painful and unfulfilled life of failure. I did not benefit in any way from my suffering. It is said that anyone can bear anything if they have a reason, but without a reason, one cannot bear to suffer long. Until something happens where the suffering all makes sense and I am rewarded in some reasonable way for it all, I hold suicide as the next meaningful action because that is the only way to release myself from being plagued by the unbearable memories of so much ridiculous and meaningless suffering.

Doing what I hate or is harmful to me just for money
Too many times I have forced myself to work doing what I don't want to do, in environments I don't like and at times even hated, just to pay my debts and amass savings so I can again create and execute a new plan aimed at meeting my goals and getting my needs met. This was destructive at times, and some of the toxic environments I encountered had long term harmful effects on me. I am no longer willing to submit myself to this kind of nonsense. Until I either suddenly obtain a large sum of money, or discover an enjoyable situation to make the money I need to make, I hold suicide as the only alternative because by not choosing to suffer doing what is harmful for me just to make money, I now have no money at all.

Living without an identity
My latest identity didn't bring me the things I needed from this world, so although I loved it, it was an unsuccessful identity, so I don't want to occupy it anymore. However, there is no other identity available to me right now that I find appropriate or fulfilling. "Wanderer" just doesn't cut it anymore. Until I discover an identity that both pleases me and enables me to succeed in this world, I hold suicide as the only way to end this identity-less experience.

 

[GreyMonkey]

I hate working and have avoided developing a career. Now I'm 38 and useless. I have had a bunch of life experiences of travel and stuff, but really it was all running away.

And I can't stand the idea of doing meaningless work for my life and don't have the ambition or drive to create meaningful work. Would have to study more and while I'm intelligent I hate studying.

Add to that I have quite severe attachment disorder. I turn any relationship into a nightmare. And I can't seem to feel connected to others despite having had so many friends. I've always felt alone and lonely.

So without meaningful work or the ability to have a beautiful relationship, what's the point of living? All I see is a lonely and empty life ahead of me with no achievement.

 

[Tom9999]

So without meaningful work or the ability to have a beautiful relationship, what's the point of living? All I see is a lonely and empty life ahead of me with no achievement.

I feel exactly as you do and agree 100%. Without meaning or intimacy, life is not worth the effort and trouble.

 

[HGL91]

Here are mine.

Homelessness
I will shortly be evicted from my apartment. If by that time I still have no acceptable place to go besides the streets or a shelter, I will kill myself, because living on the streets or in a shelter is not an experience I am willing to endure.

Suffering meaninglessly
All the suffering I have undergone in my life has resulted in nothing but me having lived a painful and unfulfilled life of failure. I did not benefit in any way from my suffering. It is said that anyone can bear anything if they have a reason, but without a reason, one cannot bear to suffer long. Until something happens where the suffering all makes sense and I am rewarded in some reasonable way for it all, I hold suicide as the next meaningful action because that is the only way to release myself from being plagued by the unbearable memories of so much ridiculous and meaningless suffering.

Doing what I hate or is harmful to me just for money
Too many times I have forced myself to work doing what I don't want to do, in environments I don't like and at times even hated, just to pay my debts and amass savings so I can again create and execute a new plan aimed at meeting my goals and getting my needs met. This was destructive at times, and some of the toxic environments I encountered had long term harmful effects on me. I am no longer willing to submit myself to this kind of nonsense. Until I either suddenly obtain a large sum of money, or discover an enjoyable situation to make the money I need to make, I hold suicide as the only alternative because by not choosing to suffer doing what is harmful for me just to make money, I now have no money at all.

Living without an identity
My latest identity didn't bring me the things I needed from this world, so although I loved it, it was an unsuccessful identity, so I don't want to occupy it anymore. However, there is no other identity available to me right now that I find appropriate or fulfilling. "Wanderer" just doesn't cut it anymore. Until I discover an identity that both pleases me and enables me to succeed in this world, I hold suicide as the only way to end this identity-less experience.

Have you tried going on Craigslist or some site and renting a room for the time being?

Also, what was your previous identity? Or identities?

 

[oopswronglife]

All of them.

 

[Wayfaerer]

You rock, Tom. I am very sorry that you're so short on time. I hope when the time comes, it's as quick and painless as possible.

Me? I won't have to deal with unbearable depression/anxiety, loneliness, dread, despair, doom and a mountain of regret.

 

[justanotherday]

Here are mine.

Homelessness
I will shortly be evicted from my apartment. If by that time I still have no acceptable place to go besides the streets or a shelter, I will kill myself, because living on the streets or in a shelter is not an experience I am willing to endure.

Suffering meaninglessly
All the suffering I have undergone in my life has resulted in nothing but me having lived a painful and unfulfilled life of failure. I did not benefit in any way from my suffering. It is said that anyone can bear anything if they have a reason, but without a reason, one cannot bear to suffer long. Until something happens where the suffering all makes sense and I am rewarded in some reasonable way for it all, I hold suicide as the next meaningful action because that is the only way to release myself from being plagued by the unbearable memories of so much ridiculous and meaningless suffering.

Doing what I hate or is harmful to me just for money
Too many times I have forced myself to work doing what I don't want to do, in environments I don't like and at times even hated, just to pay my debts and amass savings so I can again create and execute a new plan aimed at meeting my goals and getting my needs met. This was destructive at times, and some of the toxic environments I encountered had long term harmful effects on me. I am no longer willing to submit myself to this kind of nonsense. Until I either suddenly obtain a large sum of money, or discover an enjoyable situation to make the money I need to make, I hold suicide as the only alternative because by not choosing to suffer doing what is harmful for me just to make money, I now have no money at all.

Living without an identity
My latest identity didn't bring me the things I needed from this world, so although I loved it, it was an unsuccessful identity, so I don't want to occupy it anymore. However, there is no other identity available to me right now that I find appropriate or fulfilling. "Wanderer" just doesn't cut it anymore. Until I discover an identity that both pleases me and enables me to succeed in this world, I hold suicide as the only way to end this identity-less experience.

I have very similar circumstances and can totally relate.

 

[JWL]

Living...?

 

[Tom9999]

You rock, Tom. I am very sorry that you're so short on time. I hope when the time comes, it's as quick and painless as possible.

Thank you very much for that. I appreciate it.

Me? I won't have to deal with unbearable depression/anxiety, loneliness, dread, despair, doom and a mountain of regret.

Boy, do I get the mountain of regret. A large part of the relief I seek is to not be faced by the countless destructive and failed outcomes due to poor decision making on my part.

If I let my mind drift onto it, it quickly grows into an enormous and insurmountable grey cloud of failure, mishandled opportunities, and gnawing regret.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that mountain as well.

I hope that whatever plans you have bring you the relief and joy you surely deserve.

Hugs to you - you rock too!

I have very similar circumstances and can totally relate.

I'm sorry to hear that. It totally sucks. I hope whatever you have planned works out for you and brings you all you desire.

 

[c824767]

Being old and poor in a world that does not care. While I still have money and a car and freedom to move around (even though I am diagnosed with a mental disorder which had me institutionalized for brief periods) I want to use this money to ctb to prevent a guaranteed evil future.