FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,800
If I cant get SN I will be using carbon monoxide poisoning in a tent at a forest or UK beauty spot.
I have suffered from passive suicidal ideation since 21 years old. I reached out to people in my life when I was depressed but nobody ever listened nor took me seriously. I tried getting help on the NHS and that didn't work either so I gave up trying with mental health services. At 25 my life was coming together in 2022 and for the first time I was happy and looking forward to the future them it all came crashing down last year. Starting from 1st January. First I was forced to spend a month with my relatives overseas I loved the pandemic because I never got to see them again and finally felt free. Next I was gaslighted and humiliated by a man I loved so much, lost my job, nearly lost my university place and 2023 was the year everything in my life went wrong. That year showed me life is not this wonderful we are told it is and we have been lied to all our lives being told its worth to stay.
I really wanted to live but all I know is I want out from this world. For me living another 10 years absolutely terrifies.
My passive suicidal ideation has now progressed into active suicide ideation. 30 is the age for me to die. My 20s have been disappointment and I don't want to live another decade. I finally realised today no man is ever going to love me other men will always see something special in other women but never me. All men just see a colleague, a friend and but someone to be thier girlfriend or wife. I am truly unlovable for me that is not a life worth living. I don't want to be the unwanted woman anymore
I have suffered from passive suicidal ideation since 21 years old. I reached out to people in my life when I was depressed but nobody ever listened nor took me seriously. I tried getting help on the NHS and that didn't work either so I gave up trying with mental health services. At 25 my life was coming together in 2022 and for the first time I was happy and looking forward to the future them it all came crashing down last year. Starting from 1st January. First I was forced to spend a month with my relatives overseas I loved the pandemic because I never got to see them again and finally felt free. Next I was gaslighted and humiliated by a man I loved so much, lost my job, nearly lost my university place and 2023 was the year everything in my life went wrong. That year showed me life is not this wonderful we are told it is and we have been lied to all our lives being told its worth to stay.
I really wanted to live but all I know is I want out from this world. For me living another 10 years absolutely terrifies.
My passive suicidal ideation has now progressed into active suicide ideation. 30 is the age for me to die. My 20s have been disappointment and I don't want to live another decade. I finally realised today no man is ever going to love me other men will always see something special in other women but never me. All men just see a colleague, a friend and but someone to be thier girlfriend or wife. I am truly unlovable for me that is not a life worth living. I don't want to be the unwanted woman anymore
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