I'm imagining assisted suicide becoming legal in the UK.
I know how the UK would handle it.
The prime minister would designate a "suicide minister".
Probably Michael Gove, who will be made out as being an "expert" on the subject.
Michael Gove would form a government department to handle "applications for end of life".
A 55 page form will need to be filled out.
The form will ask for various forms of ID, along with a copy of the energy performance certificate of your property.
Along with submitting the application, you will be asked to pay a fee of Ā£45 "which covers the cost of the issue of a license which allows you to end your own life".
The cost will be means tested, and so if for whatever reason you can't afford the Ā£45, you must complete another 25 page form which asks for the work history of your great grandparents.
Should you be "awarded" a "license to kill" (see what I did there), you will be put in touch with a local government approved end of life "specialist".
Except they won't be a specialist at all.
They will be somebody employed by Norse to carry out this function.
Upon finding out that the fee for a "license" is means tested, the Daily Mail will relentlessly publish stories calling those who don't pay the full fee "lazy, work shy, football hooligans".
The BBC will launch an undercover panorama investigation revealing that those who end their own lives are having their jewellery and valuables removed from their bodies following death and that the government are selling these on in order to make up for the "enormous cost of delivering this service".
As a result of the investigation, the government will immediately close 'suicide centres', until a "thorough investigation is carried out".
A vegan who hasn't washed their hair in 6.5 years will be invited on the BBC, where they call the withdrawal of a peaceful option to end life a "victory for democracy".
Upon being asked whether it should go to referendum, the vegetabalist says this would be "undemocratic".
Dianne Abbott will appear on YouTube and remark that assisted suicide is the government's "holocaust against the poor", and the real issue is that coal mines haven't been reopened.