Discussion What do you want before you CTB?

[Onomotopoeia]

I'm not talking what would change your mind or even anything unlikely.

I guess the better question is. Assuming you could get motivated enough what is one thing you would LIKE to make happen before you CTB?

I am OP I will go first. Tis fair.

I would like to have someone to need to say goodbye to. At this stage I just do not feel like there is anything worth saying to the few people I know. I wish I had a reason to say goodbye to someone. Some people can never understand, and those who might have are long gone from my life. I'd like to find just one person where I felt they might need a goodbye.

What is yours?

 

[Lethe]

Graduate college. I will do that, come hell or high water.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Graduate college. I will do that, come hell or high water.

I was going to do that, and came very close, but there is just no way that I would've been able to finish it in the state that I am in. It would have been practically impossible, So, I've given up on that.

 

[KN95]

Find a way to ease the suffering of some of my family members. Help them understand that it's what I want and that it's the one thing that will give me peace.

Most people find it especially hard to understand suicide. Those affected by the suicide of a loved one often blame themselves, wondering what they could have done differently to help. The grief is unimaginably traumatic and is made so much worse simply because of the fact that their loved ones died by their own hand.

Like with how many people find it hard to understand depression or anxiety (or other mental illnesses), people who have not had the experience of wanting to cease existing are incapable of empathising and understanding it.

I want to find a way to give them peace knowing that I will not have to endure any more pain. But I have a feeling I won't be able to find a way to do this.

 

[Final Escape]

Damn I don't know it seems that it's not within reach things I might want.

 

[Squiddy]

Eventually get my bachelor's degree

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Damn I don't know it seems that it's not within reach things I might want.

Come on, there is at least one small thing? does not have to be major just a small goal

 

[Final Escape]

Um um.... kind bud lol!

 

[Ness]

Could I ask for it to look like an accident so no one ever even suspects the ctb?

 

[Moonicide]

I have no wishes before CTB except to be held and have someone there as I go.
But I will be passing alone, and that's okay.

 

[Rena rossy]

I just hoped I would have been able to get N easily so I could have one last drink of vodka or tequila, but will have to work it out with SN

 

[Ame]

Some of you may have already read my post in that "Random Thoughts" thread some time back and might have an idea of what I am talking about. Before hopping on that bus, I would like to finish that recovery resource project that I intended to leave behind for those members interested in recovery. I was fortunate enough to have had access to a breadth of high quality treatments. If I can leave some nuggets of healing for those who are not so fortunate (therapies can be prohibitively costly depending on the situation) then I will be glad.

 

[mediocre]

I'd like to at least have a diagnosis for my physical ailments.
I want to spend more time with my sis before she moves abroad for college.
visit my grandmother's grave and lay flowers one last time.
spend most of my money so there's not much left to be given out to anybody.

 

[Morphinekiss]

One last self-cooked blow out dinner party for my friends and family like I used to before my health tanked.

or a Big Mac. I'd settle for a Big Mac on a park bench.

 

[Lotus]

My greatest wish is that I would get permission from my psychiatrist to let go and separate with a long, warm hug. However, I know that's not going to happen. He's been the most important person in my life over the last months. I wrote him an email to his office account to thank him and that this is goodbye. I thought he would read it when he was back at the office in January, but unfortunately he read it on Christmas Eve and I feel so guilty for ruining his special day. Nevertheless, I have said goodbye to him, and my family knows about my plans, and I have seen them for the last time.

There's no big experience that I want to have before I CTB. I don't really have the energy or any wishes to do so. However, I do want to handle all the practical stuff (release my funds, pay my debt, cover all the expences for the upcoming three months, get rid of stuff in my apartment etc). Lastly, I want to live my life to the fullest by spending the money I have. It may sound bitter, but I have an awful family history, and I think that the money is better spent now by myself instead of my abuser to inherit them when I'm gone.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I want to go on a party vacation with a special friend then head to my favorite beach to die. I've done everything else that I wanted to and could.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Ideally I'd like to be held by my hand or in someone's arms as I died. However I'm aware it's not exactly a healthy thing to witness for a non sucidal person and probably would affect them negatively, so that one's out of the way.
I'd like to maybe do a makeover and wear a beautiful dress and dance on some sort of a party. To go out immidiately afterwards in a blaze of fun and glory would be ideal for me.

 

[Flume]

I just wish I'm not to scared when it's time, I've given up hope about everything else.