It is weird question for me. I tried both. I would have prefered the monotonous work. Though not because I like it more. I know for sure that intellectual work can make me pretty manic. Thus it is quite dangerous. This is why I tried monotonous/ easy work instead. It made me extremely depressed. It was absolutely crippling. I felt so ashamed but it was torture. I was a wreck. I tried it so fucking hard. I would really like being able to work a normal/ easy 9 to 5 job. But for real I detest the work. Honestly I would prefer the mindless work because it is less dangerous. Maybe I am unable to work anyway. Though I have once tried a somewhat intellectual job and it was way better than the monotonous work. I had a tiny success. This is what I cling to.
I had this question in mind because it is my daily fight with this cynical illness. Though also David Foster Wallace worked for a short period of time as a bus driver. Someone who knew him was shocked. There is probably the most talented writer of this generation and now he is driving a bus. Though I liked DFW was not conceited and also did average work.
I am scared that the intellectual work will make me eventually manic/ kills me. Though it seems like I don't have any other option. It is pretty dangerous and I am really fragile. On the other hand I see no other path which might lead to a stable income. In general I doubt a lot that I will be able to have a normal job. There are so many contra arguments. Though I am determined to fight till the bitter, cynical end.
To add one thing. Maybe it is condescending to call it "easy" work. As DFW wrote in "The Pale King" it is kind of amazing or heroic how some people can endure horrible monotonous/ boring work, Many say DFW's work on boredom killed him. This is why we should not underestimate it.
What do you prefer?
I had this question in mind because it is my daily fight with this cynical illness. Though also David Foster Wallace worked for a short period of time as a bus driver. Someone who knew him was shocked. There is probably the most talented writer of this generation and now he is driving a bus. Though I liked DFW was not conceited and also did average work.
I am scared that the intellectual work will make me eventually manic/ kills me. Though it seems like I don't have any other option. It is pretty dangerous and I am really fragile. On the other hand I see no other path which might lead to a stable income. In general I doubt a lot that I will be able to have a normal job. There are so many contra arguments. Though I am determined to fight till the bitter, cynical end.
To add one thing. Maybe it is condescending to call it "easy" work. As DFW wrote in "The Pale King" it is kind of amazing or heroic how some people can endure horrible monotonous/ boring work, Many say DFW's work on boredom killed him. This is why we should not underestimate it.
What do you prefer?
Last edited:
