What do I want?

[QuickandPainless]

I want help figuring out what I want. I want to die so badly but it's hard to commit to feeling that way. I guess I'm more hoping that I never existed. And I feel like my thoughts are so conflicting that I don't even know how to tell anyone on here how I feel. I feel like whenever I tell someone that I want to die that I'm just spouting empty promises.

 

[Redt2go]

Maybe you want to die sometimes you just don't want to kill yourself

 

[Redt2go]

There's a difference between active and passive suicidal thoughts.

 

[okyeah]

you should go experience the real world for a little bit (if you haven't) then connect the dots to notice the trends and make an analysis if it's worth slaving at a job 9 hours a day for this life.

 

[Redt2go]

I've been passively suicidal for a long time hoping for a heartattack, to not wake up, be hit by a car, stroke etc. I'm starting to realize that won't happen and am becoming more actively suicidal because Im tired of waiting to die. It's weird bc I've become so happy and contented in death that it doesn't seem worth it to try in life anymore. It's pretty bad if i ever decide to livelbecause I'm ruining my life ATM. But I've already decided to die so oh well

 

[QuickandPainless]

I feel actively suicidal because I've always been more of a "get shit done" kind of person but I'm kind of hoping for the same thing of death just happening to me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to actually make an attempt to instantly kill myself. About 2 years ago I OD'd on ibuprofen and tylenol but after going on this forum I realized that it would be a slow and agonizing death if I OD'd again but didn't end up in the hospital like I did last time. The best ways to kill yourself are so complicated, expensive, or things I just aren't comfortable doing. And @okyeah I have been in the real world and I'm not a huge fan but I think I could manage if I was happy with who I am and the other situations of my life.

 

[okyeah]

I feel actively suicidal because I've always been more of a "get shit done" kind of person but I'm kind of hoping for the same thing of death just happening to me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to actually make an attempt to instantly kill myself. About 2 years ago I OD'd on ibuprofen and tylenol but after going on this forum I realized that it would be a slow and agonizing death if I OD'd again but didn't end up in the hospital like I did last time. The best ways to kill yourself are so complicated, expensive, or things I just aren't comfortable doing. And @okyeah I have been in the real world and I'm not a huge fan but I think I could manage if I was happy with who I am and the other situations of my life.

you need to acknowledge reality 100%. That is enlightenment. You will not kill yourself with tylenol.

I'm not a fan of real life either. That's why i'm going to end my shit. I weighed all the pros vs the cons in relation to my genetic makeup and appearance. It's just a video game honestly.