Venting What do I do now?

[torimandy]

Over the past 11 years I have suffered so many indignities that I really have no reason to be alive. I have been shut out from my career field. I have been fired from jobs that my performance was over the top incredible at because of the undeserved hate of co workers and customers, and these were shit jobs. When I was no longer able to find a job due to this I turned to prostitution to be able to cover my basic needs. Every family member including my children have disowned me. And then this morning I was told by a potential suitor that I was not ever going to be trophy wife material and I needed to just stop turning the many men away that want nothing but one time sex from me as it is all and ugly old broad like me can expect.

Because of this, I now have 5 attempts logged in my medical records and 2 more I didn't even bother with as I was still alive. Every attempt was studied and done with the proper amounts and the proper preparations. One was thwarted but the others all should have been successful. 2 times the nursing staff told me I should not even be alive.

SO WHY THE FUCK AM I ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I no longer have the drive to even try again. I was a big deal prior to transition. I made 6 figures and in 23 years I never applied for a job as I was actively recruited. Now I am a piece of shit that people would rather see dead and I can't get it done no matter what I try short of the gruesome things I know for sure. I just can't bring myself to that.

 

[loopylou]

To be fair to you, you get the bills paid. However you do that, is nobody's business but yours. At least you do it! Completely unfair for your family to disown you when it sounds like you need them the most. This is why I despise people

 

[JamieD]

Over the past 11 years I have suffered so many indignities that I really have no reason to be alive. I have been shut out from my career field. I have been fired from jobs that my performance was over the top incredible at because of the undeserved hate of co workers and customers, and these were shit jobs. When I was no longer able to find a job due to this I turned to prostitution to be able to cover my basic needs. Every family member including my children have disowned me. And then this morning I was told by a potential suitor that I was not ever going to be trophy wife material and I needed to just stop turning the many men away that want nothing but one time sex from me as it is all and ugly old broad like me can expect.

Because of this, I now have 5 attempts logged in my medical records and 2 more I didn't even bother with as I was still alive. Every attempt was studied and done with the proper amounts and the proper preparations. One was thwarted but the others all should have been successful. 2 times the nursing staff told me I should not even be alive.

SO WHY THE FUCK AM I ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I no longer have the drive to even try again. I was a big deal prior to transition. I made 6 figures and in 23 years I never applied for a job as I was actively recruited. Now I am a piece of shit that people would rather see dead and I can't get it done no matter what I try short of the gruesome things I know for sure. I just can't bring myself to that.

You are not alone......I feel your pain and your frustrations. You have to do what is right for you and not what anyone else thinks. Families suck at the best of times. I am sending you a big hug right now x

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you're suffering like this.
I hope things improve somehow.

Wish you the the best, lots of love and peace!