What do do when you can face people because of guilt but are also too chicken to suicide?

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I did some things....things I am not proud of that make me want to give up on life and die, but of course I am too afraid ot die and all it is is manipulation and then people hate me more and then I hate myself

 

[Lordsudbury]

Yeah me too. It's really hard, I've tried suicide many times, hospital, lost everything. Walk around for 8 months now with my head down in the deepest depression some days barely able to speak.

So far this week writing has helped me. I sit down at my desk and just pour everything out on paper. It feels like talking to someone. Of course I wouldn't have been able to do that in the deepest darkness of my pain, but I've overcome that thru time and travel. But the trauma remains. So I write about my feelings. Last night I had a call with a friend that helped.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yeah me too. It's really hard, I've tried suicide many times, hospital, lost everything. Walk around for 8 months now with my head down in the deepest depression some days barely able to speak.

So far this week writing has helped me. I sit down at my desk and just pour everything out on paper. It feels like talking to someone. Of course I wouldn't have been able to do that in the deepest darkness of my pain, but I've overcome that thru time and travel. But the trauma remains. So I write about my feelings. Last night I had a call with a friend that helped.

I cant even do that. I haven friends to talk to because I am an idiot.And then I pissed off other people so I cant talk to them
I have pissed off some people here so I cant talk to anyone

 

[maru.]

I did some things....things I am not proud of that make me want to give up on life and die, but of course I am too afraid ot die and all it is is manipulation and then people hate me more and then I hate myself

I cant even do that. I haven friends to talk to because I am an idiot.And then I pissed off other people so I cant talk to them
I have pissed off some people here so I cant talk to anyone

First things first, adressing the title, you're not a chicken, at all, suicide is absurdly difficult for a variety of reasons, there's no reason to feel any shame in not being able to go through with it, it's very difficult for everyone with suicidal thoughts to do it, it's not a matter of being a coward or manipulation, it's probably one of the most difficult and scary things there is, an no one in their right mind will be mad at you for not doing it, that's absurd, instead they'll be glad that you didn't do it.

Now, adressing the whole post itself, it's not a bad thing to feel guilty, for someone to feel guilty about something they did it shows that the person can be critical of themselves, it shows that they care about the things they say, the things they do and the way it affects others, and cares about the people around them overall, that matters. Now, if the main problem is feeling that someone is mad at you for something you did or said, try to talk to them, you might be assuming they're mad when they're not, and if you know for a fact that someone is actually mad, talk to them anyway, try to reconcile with them, i'm sure they'll understand.

*hugs*

 

[fluffymuffin]

I cant even do that. I haven friends to talk to because I am an idiot.And then I pissed off other people so I cant talk to them
I have pissed off some people here so I cant talk to anyone

I know I'm not anything close to a friend but you can always talk to me if you're feeling down (I noticed that you have Kayo from Erased as a profile picture)

 

[ecmnesia]

sometimes, even if they don't forgive you, the best and only thing you can do is recognize where you did wrong and move on. we unfortunately cannot erase the past, and somethings cannot be forgiven, but it's ok.

I know that does not bring comfort, but sincerely there are moments we are inevitably bound to, therefore what's left is learning how to live with them.

that doesn't mean you are bad person or that you can't do better. as long as you can acknowledged your flaws and put effort into not repeating your mistake its ok.

some people will hate you, and considering their reasons, they might or not be right. perhaps the key is to consider that they have only been exposed to a minimal part of your personality, maybe you were in a bad day, maybe the issue was a sensitive one for you. I'm sure there are good positive traits about you and those people were surely not exposed to all of them, perhaps not even you know them yet. No one is 100% bad, in the universe there is good in bad, and vice-versa, that also applies to you.