What can I tell a therapist?

[TheUncommon]

I'm trying to get better. But if I'm too honest to my therapist and say that I am filling out an application to get a gun that I'm planning to use on myself, I will end up shooting myself in the foot... so to speak.
If therapy doesn't work, I want access to an escape. I feel that it is my right. But it's not like I can say "I regularly visit a website regarding suicide that lists exactly how to end your life on your own terms" or "I have sodium nitrite in my bookbag because if it gets bad, I'll have my off switch with me" or "I recently was in a video chat of my high school friend trying to end his life by drinking Nembutal". None of these are situations that I would be able to tell anyone who has legal authority over me.


I'm getting therapy because I'm trying to find a way to keep myself around. Therapy isn't fully effective if I can't be fully honest, right? Every time I explain my problems, I subconsciously leave out critical details that make it seem like I'm just going through a rough patch, when in reality, they are multiple significant ongoing issues that affect not myself, but my family, and my interactions with the general public. They are complex social and family issues, as well as multiple psychological and mental illnesses [such as psychogenic non-epileptic seizures and misophonia] and unfortunate physical circumstances. It's not something positive thinking is going to fix. As a result of all of this, it's not feasible for me to be in public. I left one job primarily because of these issues, and I'm gearing to leave my second also because of it and I've only been there since April. My mother is currently in the hospital, paralysed, directly as a result of me having issues at a job that kept me from taking care of her when I was supposed to be home in the first place.
Many of my relationships are of people who are also going though extreme depression. Within the past four years I've lost four people [friends, an idol, coworkers] I'm close to to suicide, which can make me panic when I think about them at random.

Every day I regret still being around, but I want to at least try to get better. It's been three years that I've been trying to get better, and after a temporary change of scenery, numerous medications, discussion with friends, and extreme self-reflection, the only thing I haven't tried is therapy. It really sucks that the last thing that can help me can also put me, my friends, or my family at serious risk if I'm too honest. Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Life_and_Death]

any time i was going to talk to my therapist about something sensitive i always had her go over the rules with me first even though i already knew the answer.
basically its only if youre an threat to yourself or others. "i attempted last night" and "im going to attempt tonight", one will get you put involuntary and one wont

 

[lonelygirl111]

i feel like therapy can help us as much as it can damage us. i am the same, after being hospitalized twice both with really bad experiences i stopped sharing so much in therapy and in the end it seemed like you said, like i was going through a rough patch or just more misunderstood than i was before. it's like you want to be taken seriously but not so serious that your locked away and unable to be free in your own choices. in my opinion i wouldn't mention the gun, i don't think that situation will end in your favor. i'm sorry i know you are looking for answers or advice i don't really have either but i just wanted to say that your not alone in feeling stuck like this and that i hope you can find peace soon. i hope if you do continue with therapy you get good help and begin to feel better.

 

[TheUncommon]

any time i was going to talk to my therapist about something sensitive i always had her go over the rules with me first even though i already knew the answer.
basically its only if youre an threat to yourself or others. "i attempted last night" and "im going to attempt tonight", one will get you put involuntary and one wont

I've definitely heard where recent attempts will get you taken away, especially if you still have access to those tools. Which is the case here. I don't want it to seem obvious that I'm tiptoeing around what's okay to say as that'll make them suspicious.

i feel like therapy can help us as much as it can damage us. i am the same, after being hospitalized twice both with really bad experiences i stopped sharing so much in therapy and in the end it seemed like you said, like i was going through a rough patch or just more misunderstood than i was before. it's like you want to be taken seriously but not so serious that your locked away and unable to be free in your own choices. in my opinion i wouldn't mention the gun, i don't think that situation will end in your favor. i'm sorry i know you are looking for answers or advice i don't really have either but i just wanted to say that your not alone in feeling stuck like this and that i hope you can find peace soon. i hope if you do continue with therapy you get good help and begin to feel better.

I'm glad I'm able to get my actual thoughts out on this site, even if I can't do it with a licensed therapist.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I've definitely heard where recent attempts will get you taken away, especially if you still have access to those tools. Which is the case here. I don't want it to seem obvious that I'm tiptoeing around what's okay to say as that'll make them suspicious.

cant speak for where you live exactly, but ive explicitly told my therapist i was going to literally the night before going in and ive never been in psych

 

[Timeless]

In normal therapy you can't be honest about suicide if you don't want to be committed to the loony bin.. sadly they have a responsibility to report if they think or know you are a danger to yourself or others.

That's why I have an end of life counselor where I can be completely honest with. Stronger than that she even helps me with planning and such. She only writes stuff on paper the insurance doesn't cover the cost so I pay cash under a false name and am anymonous to her. No paper trail or anything.

But regular therapists are bound by law to try to 'help' and be pro lifers or I would call it pro suffer..
I'm always very careful with my words around those people. And generally avoid them. Last time I had to talk to a psychiatrist in the hospital after I was in the intensive care unit after an OD. But I talked to my lawyer first and she said what I should say and say as less as possible. The odds were in my favor so I skipped being committed and now know their tricks most part anyway.

But I would focus the chats on how he or she can help improve your life situations. And never mention that you have plans to CTB.

Just advice from a stranger on the internet who knows a few things about those pro life ******* . Nothing against pro people with good intentions jut there are plenty of bad apples around them.

Be safe and I sincerely hope that you'll have a better life soon despite your dark thoughts now.

 

[hamvil]

Therapy is a social construct. It exists for people that do not really need it and want to be cool or for people that are beyond help but that are a burden to family and friends. It is the place family and loved ones send you to feel like they are "helping".

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Sadly no advice to offer, just solidarity from shared experience. I really don't get how, when the point of therapy is being honest and trying to work through your shit, doing so around this one topic that kinda trumps nearly all others in terms of significance is totally off limits and runs the risk of you winding up in a horrible situation likely to make you ever closer to ctb. As if everyone on the precipice is in the same situation. Why isn't there some kind of intermediary step for those who still want to actively work on this and are relatively "stable" (I use that word apprehensively) enough to do so?

It all makes me extra sad and want to continue to not bother with finding a new therapist. It's hard enough to even find one who fits your financial needs and is skilled enough AND gels with you. Ugh.

 

[theboy]

I am the same

 

[Hercules]

I wouldn't mention to the therapist that you are suicidal and are planning on getting a gun just in case. No good will come of this. The therapist is a mandated reporter. If you mention that you are suicidal and have a plan, he will have you involuntarily committed. They really won't do anything to help you with your suicidal thoughts in the hospital. They will just keep you there until your insurance won't pay for it, and then they will refer you to a therapist when you leave. I know that you feel that you won't be taken seriously unless you tell them that you are going to kill yourself, but it's been my own expierence that they won't take you any more seriously or give you any more help if you tell them that you are suicidal. They will just have you involuntarily committed or try to pass you off to someone else, so they can get rid of you. You can talk to your therapist about your depression and the reasons why you are depressed. They mainly try to help you talk through any problems that you are going through and try to help you become more self aware and get to the root of the problem, so you can try to make positive changes in your life.

 

[bed]

3 criteria need to be met for you to be involuntarily detained in a psych ward; plan, date/time, and way (method). This would be a 72hr hold to start btw. A shit therapist/psych may try to get you committed for less than the 3 criteria but generally, this is what they need. I've openly spoken about suicide with therapists/psychs but I tread lightly around these criteria and I don't bring it up during a first appointment. You can talk about quite a lot though. I've mentioned methods, and plans but never date/time.

 

[SarRy]

Ask your therapist and check your local laws. You might be able to get away with saying you think about how or feel more confident living knowing you don't have to. I think they will generally have to report if you say you are definitely going to go. No crimes, no plans. They might still be able to help you if you beat around the bush a little bit. If they're a professional, then they can probably read between the lines without making you express everything. Therapy is good even if it only helps you last a little longer. Best of luck.

 

[lionetta12]

I'm trying to get better. But if I'm too honest to my therapist and say that I am filling out an application to get a gun that I'm planning to use on myself, I will end up shooting myself in the foot... so to speak.
If therapy doesn't work, I want access to an escape. I feel that it is my right. But it's not like I can say "I regularly visit a website regarding suicide that lists exactly how to end your life on your own terms" or "I have sodium nitrite in my bookbag because if it gets bad, I'll have my off switch with me" or "I recently was in a video chat of my high school friend trying to end his life by drinking Nembutal". None of these are situations that I would be able to tell anyone who has legal authority over me.


I'm getting therapy because I'm trying to find a way to keep myself around. Therapy isn't fully effective if I can't be fully honest, right? Every time I explain my problems, I subconsciously leave out critical details that make it seem like I'm just going through a rough patch, when in reality, they are multiple significant ongoing issues that affect not myself, but my family, and my interactions with the general public. They are complex social and family issues, as well as multiple psychological and mental illnesses [such as psychogenic non-epileptic seizures and misophonia] and unfortunate physical circumstances. It's not something positive thinking is going to fix. As a result of all of this, it's not feasible for me to be in public. I left one job primarily because of these issues, and I'm gearing to leave my second also because of it and I've only been there since April. My mother is currently in the hospital, paralysed, directly as a result of me having issues at a job that kept me from taking care of her when I was supposed to be home in the first place.
Many of my relationships are of people who are also going though extreme depression. Within the past four years I've lost four people [friends, an idol, coworkers] I'm close to to suicide, which can make me panic when I think about them at random.

Every day I regret still being around, but I want to at least try to get better. It's been three years that I've been trying to get better, and after a temporary change of scenery, numerous medications, discussion with friends, and extreme self-reflection, the only thing I haven't tried is therapy. It really sucks that the last thing that can help me can also put me, my friends, or my family at serious risk if I'm too honest. Does anyone have any advice?

It's complicated. In my experience, it has really been different from therapist to therapist, really depended heavily on their personality. If I was open with my first one, I'd probably be hospitalized instantly, so I kept it to myself for years instead of ever being fully open. The last therapist I ever had, I told him about how I have all the tools and money to CTB and I think about it every day, and also actively had various failed attempts while going to his therapy, did research on methods and forums daily. He didn't seem to care at all, did nothing about it. All he did was say «okay, yeah some people do that», like lol. It also probably depends a lot on the laws of where you live and the culture and view in general towards CTB. I would have just asked the therapist directly about what you can safely share without getting in troubles and to avoid unwanted situations.