What can I do to minimize the psychologically damage that CTB will have on others?

[Maormer]

My biggest concern for methods is and always has been, how gruesome the scene would be. I don't want there to be a mess to clean for the person who finds me, I cannot let it be in a place that the person who finds me will no longer feel comfortable going to, and I absolutely cannot have the person who finds me be family. I also don't want my body to get too mangled, as shallow as it is, I want to leave a pretty corpse. I guess I could never fully get rid of that beauty industry propaganda in my brain lol.

I figured maybe I could try some kind of poison. I'd do it in the woods (I refuse to die indoors) and I'd need it to be an area with at least daily foot traffic so that the corpse doesn't rot. I've scouted out a few parks that have good tree coverage so I could plant a sign a decent bit out from where my body would be asking them to call the authorities so that way the person who sees my body is someone used to those things. Idk if I'll ctb but I there are circumstances that are kinda tipping points for me that might make me take the leap soon. In the past I tried hanging because I figured it wouldn't leave a mess but on top of not working (obvi) the imagine of a body hanging probably is not a pleasant one. I know that there is no method I can do that will not hurt someone but I care a lot about keeping the harm to a minimum (minus my one selfish requirement of dying outside)

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I feel like I've typed the same message hundreds of times now, so I do apologise if I'm coming off as preachy/over-bearing. However, I am speaking as a man who has lost someone I dearly loved to suicide, so my advice is coming from the pain of that experience.

My suggestions would be:
1) Leave a lengthy note. Don't attribute blame (unless you're doing this out of spite or malice, in which case it's your decision). Maybe write about the good times you had with the person you're writing to.
2) Try to organise finances so those you leave behind have less to stress about
3) If you live in your own place, tidy it, maybe even pack your things. Due to my flat being a crime scene for 2 weeks following my partner's death, the electricity went out, meaning the meat in the freezer was rotting. It was disgusting. Not what you want to deal with while drowning in grief. I didn't have to handle my partner's belongings, or see them be put away one by one, his parents took care of that. Still, I know it was extremely painful for them. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is definitely a really important thing to consider. It's caused me a lot of distress which could have been avoided.
4) Leave a note with contact information of any family or friends who the authorities can contact. The police struggled to find my partner's parents, so I almost had to go and identify the body. Fortunately, the parents were eventually located. But this was almost 7 hours after the body had been found.

 

[mysticatedwine]

I'm planning to carbon-monoxyde poison myself in a hotel room during the night. I'd leave a piece of paper on the door telling them to call the autorities like you said. That way, whoever would find my body wouldn't be my family or my roommate (who is also my best friend and cares about me a lot). I'd be at peace, in a nice and big room, having eaten my favorite meal and would pass out in warm my bed while listening to my favorite music. I deserve to die like a king for all the shit i've gone through

 

[Maormer]

I feel like I've typed the same message hundreds of times now, so I do apologise if I'm coming off as preachy/over-bearing. However, I am speaking as a man who has lost someone I dearly loved to suicide, so my advice is coming from the pain of that experience.

My suggestions would be:
1) Leave a lengthy note. Don't attribute blame (unless you're doing this out of spite or malice, in which case it's your decision). Maybe write about the good times you had with the person you're writing to.
2) Try to organise finances so those you leave behind have less to stress about
3) If you live in your own place, tidy it, maybe even pack your things. Due to my flat being a crime scene for 2 weeks following my partner's death, the electricity went out, meaning the meat in the freezer was rotting. It was disgusting. Not what you want to deal with while drowning in grief. I didn't have to handle my partner's belongings, or see them be put away one by one, his parents took care of that. Still, I know it was extremely painful for them. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is definitely a really important thing to consider. It's caused me a lot of distress which could have been avoided.
4) Leave a note with contact information of any family or friends who can contact you. The police struggled to find my partner's parents, so I almost had to go and identify the body. Fortunately, the parents were eventually located. But this was almost 7 hours after the body had been found.

I think notes are something I struggle with. I want to leave enough to give people closure and to remove any guilt they may feel but sometimes I worry too long of a note will be like salt in the wound. I want to write a good number of them, ones for all my loved ones, one for whoever finds me (that one will have contact info and a lot of apologies). I don't have any malice towards the world or anyone in it. I want to make sure it reads more like a love letter. I want to emphasize gratitude a lot in it. It's so hard to decide which words will ease the pain and which ones will draw it out, but I guess that's my job to figure out

I feel like I've typed the same message hundreds of times now, so I do apologise if I'm coming off as preachy/over-bearing. However, I am speaking as a man who has lost someone I dearly loved to suicide, so my advice is coming from the pain of that experience.

My suggestions would be:
1) Leave a lengthy note. Don't attribute blame (unless you're doing this out of spite or malice, in which case it's your decision). Maybe write about the good times you had with the person you're writing to.
2) Try to organise finances so those you leave behind have less to stress about
3) If you live in your own place, tidy it, maybe even pack your things. Due to my flat being a crime scene for 2 weeks following my partner's death, the electricity went out, meaning the meat in the freezer was rotting. It was disgusting. Not what you want to deal with while drowning in grief. I didn't have to handle my partner's belongings, or see them be put away one by one, his parents took care of that. Still, I know it was extremely painful for them. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is definitely a really important thing to consider. It's caused me a lot of distress which could have been avoided.
4) Leave a note with contact information of any family or friends who can contact you. The police struggled to find my partner's parents, so I almost had to go and identify the body. Fortunately, the parents were eventually located. But this was almost 7 hours after the body had been found.

Carbon monoxide recently moved up to the top of my list.

I'm planning to carbon-monoxyde poison myself in a hotel room during the night. I'd leave a piece of paper on the door telling them to call the autorities like you said. That way, whoever would find my body wouldn't be my family or my roommate (who is also my best friend and cares about me a lot). I'd be at peace, in a nice and big room, having eaten my favorite meal and would pass out in warm my bed while listening to my favorite music. I deserve to die like a king for all the shit i've gone through

carbon monoxide recently moved up to the top of my list. My main issue that I refuse to die indoors so I'd need a tent for it and idk how I feel about dying in a tent, it's better than dying indoors to me but idk if it's good enough. I have a weird fixation on needing to die in the woods, I refuse to die without feeling grass or leaf litter between my toes, beetles crawling on my legs and birds singing. I need to feel like I'm returning to the soil. If it wasn't for the trauma it would cause the person who'd find me I'd love to have my body decompose right where I die.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I think notes are something I struggle with. I want to leave enough to give people closure and to remove any guilt they may feel but sometimes I worry too long of a note will be like salt in the wound. I want to write a good number of them, ones for all my loved ones, one for whoever finds me (that one will have contact info and a lot of apologies). I don't have any malice towards the world or anyone in it. I want to make sure it reads more like a love letter. I want to emphasize gratitude a lot in it. It's so hard to decide which words will ease the pain and which ones will draw it out, but I guess that's my job to figure out

I really, really like your description of the notes as "love letters". That's made me rethink how to approach mine. I've written drafts of mine already (like you I will have multiple), but I'll definitely go over them again with your comment in mind.

I am glad to hear you are not coming from a place of malice. My partner's note made it clear that his death was due to my actions. I wouldn't wish that kind of experience on anyone.

They're hard to write, for sure. As I said, I'm writing them well in advance so I can get them right. Maybe that's something you can consider if you haven't already?

 

[wiggy]

I feel like I've typed the same message hundreds of times now, so I do apologise if I'm coming off as preachy/over-bearing. However, I am speaking as a man who has lost someone I dearly loved to suicide, so my advice is coming from the pain of that experience.

My suggestions would be:
1) Leave a lengthy note. Don't attribute blame (unless you're doing this out of spite or malice, in which case it's your decision). Maybe write about the good times you had with the person you're writing to.
2) Try to organise finances so those you leave behind have less to stress about
3) If you live in your own place, tidy it, maybe even pack your things. Due to my flat being a crime scene for 2 weeks following my partner's death, the electricity went out, meaning the meat in the freezer was rotting. It was disgusting. Not what you want to deal with while drowning in grief. I didn't have to handle my partner's belongings, or see them be put away one by one, his parents took care of that. Still, I know it was extremely painful for them. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is definitely a really important thing to consider. It's caused me a lot of distress which could have been avoided.
4) Leave a note with contact information of any family or friends who can contact you. The police struggled to find my partner's parents, so I almost had to go and identify the body. Fortunately, the parents were eventually located. But this was almost 7 hours after the body had been found.

These are all very effective and actionable suggestions, well done! The one other thing I can think of that would probably mitigate trauma would be to take steps to ensure you will be found by authorities as opposed to your loved ones, such as performing the act outside your home. Just don't go anywhere too remote or you'll be considered a missing person, which will introduce unnecessary mental anguish. This obviously introduces some practical difficulties to the process.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

These are all very effective and actionable suggestions, well done! The one other thing I can think of that would probably mitigate trauma would be to take steps to ensure you will be found by authorities as opposed to your loved ones, such as performing the act outside your home. Just don't go anywhere too remote or you'll be considered a missing person, which will introduce unnecessary mental anguish. This obviously introduces some practical difficulties to the process.

Absolutely! I'll be going to a hotel room for this reason. My friends found my partner, and as much as they are staying strong for me, I can see that it has deeply affected them. The unfortunate fact is that someone will have to deal with the trauma of finding us. Maybe it's selfish, but I would just rather it be someone with no emotional ties to me.

 

[wiggy]

Absolutely! I'll be going to a hotel room for this reason. My friends found my partner, and as much as they are staying strong for me, I can see that it has deeply affected them. The unfortunate fact is that someone will have to deal with the trauma of finding us. Maybe it's selfish, but I would just rather it be someone with no emotional ties to me.

An interesting anectode - when my father was a child, his friend's father committed suicide by hanging in a relatively remote forest. By sheer coincidence, the son went into the same forest later in the day and found his father's body. He remained friends with my father until his own death, and as far as my father has told me he wasn't significantly traumatized by it.