Yea I'd probably agree. I think that this world is ruled by negative force that wants to keep us here so it can maintain its kingdom. If god is out there he doesn't give a shit. Has anyone noticed that if you're a good person the amount of shit you gonna have to deal with is exponentially bigger. Like scumbags and terrible people almost always have it easy, everything is given to them but if you're a good person and have a good heart you gonna have to deal with unimaginable amount of bullshit, everything gonna be made as difficult as possible.
I think that this negative force that rules this world rewards people that do bad karma because that means they gonna be trapped here for long long time. But if you're a good person the negative force will do anything to prevent you from developing spiritually because that would mean you'd eventually break the chains of reincarnation. I used to think that if I'd give my fate to god that he would protect me and guide but that was pure bullshit. God turned his back on me first chance he got despite promising otherwise. Now I kinda believe that god is not infallible and that he doesn't really give a shit so why should I give a shit about him.
I tried my best and all I got was bad things happening. Health issues, body issues, severe abuse and humiliation, speech difficulties, no opportunities, prejudice. I managed to still overcome a lot but only to be even more fucked eventually. Fuck god, I realized he doesn't give a shit, he doesn't have any sympathy for good person, he doesn't like me, so why the fuck should I like him and kiss his ass. I believe god is narcissist and the nature of that condition is malevolence. Once you realize god is piece of shit than everything falls apart, there is no meaning anymore, everything is lost, only suffering remains. If I could go on living my life without that cancer that calls himself god, I would, but he already ruined my life so that's why I feel ctb is the only option.
If spirituality works for someone than by all means go for it, I'm not trying to dissuade you, but please don't be delusional. To God you're just an ant, he has no sympathy for you. There is no fate, no greater purpose. You just need to look around to see that's the case. Everyday 25 thousand children die from hunger and malnutrition. The most innocent creature dealt with the most terrible fate. I had good things happen to me because I was spiritual, I learned a lot, it set me on right path for a lot of things but on the other side, being good is gonna get you hurt in life.
World is evil and negative force will prey on you, arrange things in your life to sabotage and try to ruin you. Negative force also controls big chunk of people that it will use to try and ruin you. If you are good and spiritual hide it as best as you can, don't signal anything, try to stay as ambiguous as possible in life because like I said some people are servants of the devil and as soon as they sense goodness or naiveness in you they gonna attack you and scheme against you. Don't become evil like others but realize that being good and spiritual gonna cause you huge problems in life and god is not coming to your rescue.