What are your main feelings that urge you daily to ctb?

[V0latile]

I just miserable and anxious.

 

[Soul]

More and more incapacitated

 

[lymbo]

helpless

 

[noctiva]

Despair and hopelessness and depression.
The reason I'm still here is a minimal amount of hope, which, to be completely fair, is a pain in my *ss and could f*ck off if I had a say in it.

 

[exhausted]

Flashbacks.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hopeless. Miserable. Incapable. Useless.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

Hopelessness. The feeling that things will never change. Anxiety. Self hatred. Not being able to function like everyone else around me. Never ending depression. Inadequacy. My inability to run from my past.

 

[tom90]

Hopelessness, tiredness and maybe funny for some of you, but also memories that haunt me and this hurts a lot.

 

[Ark]

Constant depression, anguish, regret, emotional and physical pain constantly. Loneliness. Despair. Haunting memories. And the knowledge there is no getting better for me. Hope is a powerful thing, once I was able to realize there was no hope in my situation, the decision got much easier to put everything into motion to leave this nightmare of an existence.

 

[Guizin239]

how pathetic i am.

 

[Sweet Release]

Constant regret as things could have been so different in my life.
Also traumatic flashbacks.

Despair and hopelessness and depression.
The reason I'm still here is a minimal amount of hope, which, to be completely fair, is a pain in my *ss and could f*ck off if I had a say in it.

I also have a similar small amount of hope which is now just prolonging the pain as I just want it all to be over.

 

[helpfulfriendonwout]

I feel like this thread could be made into a book about the realities of misery in life.
I want this life to end for many reasons. My main, current reason is that I was diagnosed with gout, which is apparently one of the worst pains you can feel, and it will probably recur the rest of my life. I don't want to feel it. But I also spent most of my life with severe mental illness that's taught me that not only is life ultimately pointless, but it's filled with much more pain than pleasure and I haven't found any good reason to endure that.

 

[Hotsackage]

To say fuck you to my brain. O how i cant fucking wait

 

[readybready]

Unrequited love, shame, and despair.

 

[BridgeJumper]

The fucking voices, and the fear, and the depression
Being dismissed by professionals 24/7
Coldness from my family and lack of friends
Being unable to enroll in art academy, which was my only dream that I was ready to give up ctb for

 

[Miserable]

Loneliness, insecure, inadequate, unwanted

 

[Final Escape]

There's no hope for me lol!

 

[Kingkelly]

anxiety about my botched plastic surgery and how fucked up i look. I miss my eyes and face omg i have everything to kill myself right now. I cant take this anymore

 

[V0latile]

helpless

I have the same look in my eye. It's haunting to see it up close in another.

 

[Miserable]

anxiety about my botched plastic surgery and how fucked up i look. I miss my eyes and face omg i have everything to kill myself right now. I cant take this anymore

how bad was it? can it be fixed? Are you sure you're not being too hard on yourself?

 

[Moonicide]

Sadness, emptiness, anxiety, and numbness.
Not being able to function enough to live a normal life.
I've been battling with mental illness for 15 years, on disability for it too, etc.
I'm just... so tired.

 

[Larez]

I'd name it an "emotional haze" that just keeps concocting resentment for the general state of life and myself. I'm stuck in a perpetual cycle of regret, emptiness and being unable to connect with anybody. I have those rare sparks of relating to very few folks I have left, so we suffer together sometimes..

It's work, home, games (going through Disco Elysium right now, it's pretty neat), awful dreams, going through the motions. It all perpetually becomes more foggy. Every thought gets thicker than the last one - they are hardly getting squeezed out from that mishmash of trauma, lost people, lost time, addictions, family I've let down again and again. All of a sudden, a sentence forms in the head. OK, so we're still somewhat conscious. Fucking brain fog. 6 hours have passed, 3 more and your shift's done. Think about the sweet, sweet nothing for a while. It's all within reach, well, in due time I guess. Just got home and smoke, get disappointed in the morning, let's go. One more step through the molasses.

 

[pain&shame]

pain and shame

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Physical problems, mental problems, money problems and most importantly that I will never be a happy child again and life isn´t worth living in adulthood, at this age we just exist.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Society. World affairs. My own, personal shit. Seeing the suffering of so many others and being able to feel it, even without knowing what most are going through......Too numerous the meanings and things that influence it.

 

[Nem]

Lots of damage from a Ill fated relationship with a control freak sociopath, this fucking sucks ass
Peace/hugs

 

[lizinha]

extreme depression, anxiety, lack of support, dissociation, and hopelessness.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Profound regret, hopelessness, deep despair, lack of parental/ familial love. Knowing that my life can't be at all what I had wished it to be, a sense it's simply too late to rectify things now. Broken in soul, spirit, self-worth, heart & mind basically.

 

[V0latile]

Sadness, emptiness, anxiety, and numbness.
Not being able to function enough to live a normal life.
I've been battling with mental illness for 15 years, on disability for it too, etc.
I'm just... so tired.

I'm on disability too. It's such an empty life

Physical problems, mental problems, money problems and most importantly that I will never be a happy child again and life isn´t worth living in adulthood, at this age we just exist.

Sums it up for me too

 

[Conker]

Hopelessness, anhedonia, & a yearning to be free even if that means ending my own existence.