Discussion What are your dreams/career goals that have been crushed because of this world?

[Obliviate]

What are some of your dreams that unfortunately will never come true because of your plans to CTB and just the disgusting humanity/society we live in? I'll go first, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to become a doctor. I was a sweet pure little thing that just wanted to help people. Little did I know what reality was. Now all grown up and have gone through such trauma, I've become numb and lost all hope of any good left. My desire to help people has diminished tremendously as people were just horrible to me. Knowing I'll never become a doctor because I simply do not want to go through the systematic abuse, oppression, racism and sexism that WILL happen breaks my heart. Not to mention medical school is a huge scam and I am way too poor to afford it as it's a way to gatekeep preventing poor minorities from having a chance. Oh Well. We won't need doctors in the afterlife and none of it will matter once we're gone.

 

[Wilting Daisy]

I've always wanted to be a writer.
I feel that what I have to say doesn't matter though, because I have let the illness win for so long.
It's convinced me so.
I let anxiety hold me back, and I don't want my name attached to any work I produce.

I walk a fine line between wanting praise and feeling too embarrassed to show anyone anything I've done because I struggle with adequacy.

 

[Zegers]

My idea was to start something new in another country, but health problems make it close to impossible.

 

[heartisbroken]

Not quite because of the world, but more like my own personality/mental illness, which I guess certainly wasn't helped by the world and my surroundings.

I was so interested in genetics when I was a kid. I'd spend hours just watching youtube videos and reading wikipedia pages. I would've loved to be a genetic researcher or counselor or anything like that, but I didn't even pursue it because of the wreck I was in high school and college. Ended up graduating with liberal arts degree and fell into a career path I absolutely hate. Would have to completely start over to follow my dreams and I just don't have the tools or the energy to start over, not to mention how tough it would be since I'd be coming in so late. Really breaks my heart.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I've always wanted to be a writer.
I feel that what I have to say doesn't matter though, because I have let the illness win for so long.
It's convinced me so.
I let anxiety hold me back, and I don't want my name attached to any work I produce.

I walk a fine line between wanting praise and feeling too embarrassed to show anyone anything I've done because I struggle with adequacy.

Me too. I wanted to write a novel or something. But I never ended up writing anything. I told my family when I was young I wanted to be a writer. They seemed kind of surprised, maybe even a little upset I said something like that because they hoped I would get into engineering.
Have you written anything at all, anything recently, just for yourself, stuff you've kept private and haven't shared with anybody?

 

[Celerity]

Part of the reason I quit school was because of the extreme political correctness I ran into on campus. Some of the conspiracy theories conservatives push are based in truth. I saw some crazy shit in academia.

 

[Wilting Daisy]

Me too. I wanted to write a novel or something. But I never ended up writing anything. I told my family when I was young I wanted to be a writer. They seemed kind of surprised, maybe even a little upset I said something like that because they hoped I would get into engineering.
Have you written anything at all, anything recently, just for yourself, stuff you've kept private and haven't shared with anybody?

Beautiful question ❤

There are two little projects I'm working on:

The first is a coherent, compilation of all the journals I've filled while in the hospital.

The second is a modern version of my favorite story I told and acted out through play as a child.
I promised myself I would not try to take my life again until I completed this story for my father, who loved to watch me fall deeply into imagination outside where I developed those stories.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Beautiful question ❤

There are two little projects I'm working on:

The first is a coherent, compilation of all the journals I've filled while in the hospital.

The second is a modern version of my favorite story I told and acted out through play as a child.
I promised myself I would not try to take my life again until I completed this story for my father, who loved to watch me fall deeply into imagination outside where I developed those stories.

Please keep working on those projects. I am glad you are keeping your writing brain active, and maintaining your hobby! I hope your dad is able to read your story. It sounds like a very beautiful thing. Never stop!

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

I wanted to be a voice actor. A game designer. A US Army Ranger. All of those I've given up on.

 

[tiredplant777]

So far many things tbh. But most of all I wanted to write. The way I was treated by others, and the abuse I faced for over a decade by a psychopath did something to me, like the part of me that could write creatively just got totally deleted. I used to write all the time, it was one of my favourite things to do and even though I was never publishing anything it gave my life a lot of meaning. Having trauma just erase this has been horrible. I always wanted to write a book but yeah. I just can't do it anymore. People keep telling me 'it will come back' but it's been 7 years or more since I've been able to write anything. So yeah.

 

[Disappointered]

Some people in the past thought they could know that I was ambitious because of something I might have said that they failed to place in full context. In fact, my ambitions were extremely basic. I did not even achieve those.

Probably (though not exclusively) because there's something inside of me that's...just garbage, I guess. I hope to throw away into nothingness where it belongs one fine day.

 

[chloramine]

I've wanted (and still want) to be a firefighter. There was a fire cadet program that I completed where we got to try pretty much everything firefighters do (we had our own gear and did some live fire stuff). As a career it has pretty much everything I want, but it's really hard for me to maintain the fitness necessary for the job with depression. I know I can because I've passed the tests before, but it's just. It's so hard to do anything day to day. I want it so badly, but I just can't right now. It's still a long term goal that might work out. I struggle to believe it's possible though.

 

[jodes2]

I wanted to be a DJ or programmer or electronic engineer. Now I just sit here wasting time

 

[Sleeper System]

What are some of your dreams that unfortunately will never come true because of your plans to CTB and just the disgusting humanity/society we live in? I'll go first, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to become a doctor. I was a sweet pure little thing that just wanted to help people. Little did I know what reality was. Now all grown up and have gone through such trauma, I've become numb and lost all hope of any good left. My desire to help people has diminished tremendously as people were just horrible to me. Knowing I'll never become a doctor because I simply do not want to go through the systematic abuse, oppression, racism and sexism that WILL happen breaks my heart. Not to mention medical school is a huge scam and I am way too poor to afford it as it's a way to gatekeep preventing poor minorities from having a chance. Oh Well. We won't need doctors in the afterlife and none of it will matter once we're gone.

I never wanted to be anything in my entire life. I don't know when I came to the realization that everything is not always as it seems but whenever I found something interesting I would ask questions and dissect the information. I would listen to what others said they wanted to be and found the negative in everything about it. Kids would say oh I'd like to be a cop or a doctor or a vet (as if just to please and receive praise from their parents like some cute little game) and when they asked me I would say I don't know. No adults would accept that answer so they pressured me to chose from what they viewed as an exceptional answer. I believe this is the first lie I ever told as a kid. (Not including lies kids tell when they don't know any better) I consciously knew that I did not believe what I was saying and that it was against what I knew to be true about myself.

32 years later and I still don't know what I'm doing. Just working a bullshit job to live just comfortable enough to not kill myself. But even that is quickly becoming meaningless. I envy people who once believed they could become something. I never believed in myself not even as a small child. Maybe if I did I would be on a better path.

 

[Hollowillow]

What are some of your dreams that unfortunately will never come true because of your plans to CTB and just the disgusting humanity/society we live in? I'll go first, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to become a doctor. I was a sweet pure little thing that just wanted to help people. Little did I know what reality was. Now all grown up and have gone through such trauma, I've become numb and lost all hope of any good left. My desire to help people has diminished tremendously as people were just horrible to me. Knowing I'll never become a doctor because I simply do not want to go through the systematic abuse, oppression, racism and sexism that WILL happen breaks my heart. Not to mention medical school is a huge scam and I am way too poor to afford it as it's a way to gatekeep preventing poor minorities from having a chance. Oh Well. We won't need doctors in the afterlife and none of it will matter once we're gone.

I wanted to get into naturopathy & use megadoses of nutrition to cure. But scama there too. And i can't compete with a happy young girl with stars in her pure happy eyes.

I wanted to do genetic experiments & create human chimeras. I was evil. Shit... like the most hated character in the anime world... In Fma... But I'd make people stronger & breathe underwater & fly...

Then i wanted to do 3D for movies & games but my drawing sucked too much.

Then got into wrb design. No experience no job, no job no experience. No pirtfolio. Abuse of working for myself for zero pay & sexual harassment. I gave up... Fell sick from burn out, then mold, then beaten, car accident, dropping chemicals... More sexual abuse...

Kill me please

Not quite because of the world, but more like my own personality/mental illness, which I guess certainly wasn't helped by the world and my surroundings.

I was so interested in genetics when I was a kid. I'd spend hours just watching youtube videos and reading wikipedia pages. I would've loved to be a genetic researcher or counselor or anything like that, but I didn't even pursue it because of the wreck I was in high school and college. Ended up graduating with liberal arts degree and fell into a career path I absolutely hate. Would have to completely start over to follow my dreams and I just don't have the tools or the energy to start over, not to mention how tough it would be since I'd be coming in so late. Really breaks my heart.

Holy shit I wanted to go into genetics too & create human chimeras who could fly & breathe under water! Feel free to pm me. Im also too sick & love art. Anime is art hihi

 

[Finding Sirius]

I wanted to be a graphic designer. I had the talent and even went to school for it, finding a job in it was impossible though. In that field (and many others) it's not what you know but who you know. So I pivoted to agriculture which I loved, but I ran into similar problems. Life is so hard.

 

[Hollowillow]

W

I never wanted to be anything in my entire life. I don't know when I came to the realization that everything is not always as it seems but whenever I found something interesting I would ask questions and dissect the information. I would listen to what others said they wanted to be and found the negative in everything about it. Kids would say oh I'd like to be a cop or a doctor or a vet (as if just to please and receive praise from their parents like some cute little game) and when they asked me I would say I don't know. No adults would accept that answer so they pressured me to chose from what they viewed as an exceptional answer. I believe this is the first lie I ever told as a kid. (Not including lies kids tell when they don't know any better) I consciously knew that I did not believe what I was saying and that it was against what I knew to be true about myself.

32 years later and I still don't know what I'm doing. Just working a bullshit job to live just comfortable enough to not kill myself. But even that is quickly becoming meaningless. I envy people who once believed they could become something. I never believed in myself not even as a small child. Maybe if I did I would be on a better path.

Wow you've been accepted by society & manage to work! Such impossible accomplishment for me. But I'm glad I don't have a shitty job... Best wishes

I wanted to be a graphic designer. I had the talent and even went to school for it, finding a job in it was impossible though. In that field (and many others) it's not what you know but who you know. So I pivoted to agriculture which I loved, but I ran into similar problems. Life is so hard.

My mom told me to be perfect, the best... People hated me. Then I realuzed that jobs are about networking, social as skill... I was doomed.

 

[Sleeper System]

W

Wow you've been accepted by society & manage to work! Such impossible accomplishment for me. But I'm glad I don't have a shitty job... Best wishes

My mom told me to be perfect, the best... People hated me. Then I realuzed that jobs are about networking, social as skill... I was doomed.

Getting a job isn't a choice for most people and it doesn't mean society has accepted you. I was lucky to get the job (that's what I thought at the time) and I was antisocial and a complete loser by social standards at the time. The experience at the job taught me how to fake a personality good enough to create the image of a productive member of society. It taught me how to communicate better and read body language etc. Now, you can see me and say he works and pays taxes and he isn't completely useless but really all that stuff is forced by the system and you have no choice. It's either that or live off someone else or live on the street as a bum.

 

[hamvil]

I dedicated all my life to studies in the STEM field. Got a degree, a PhD, started my career in academia. It was a wonderful path. I was lucky enough to end-up in places where my former bosses mostly allowed me to express my creativity. I could build new technology with my hands and share the results with an international community. I was given the opportunity to grow and I finally got a research group to manage. Those where the two happiest years of my life.

Unfortunately, all this was not without issues. I am a toxic person. I pushed away friend for all my life and on the workplace everybody knew I was an asshole. I was proud of that because I knew I was very good at my job. I fought with colleagues, friends, and superiors. I think everybody was waiting for a mistake and that finally arrived in the for of a tweet with some hatespeech. I was fired and lost all I have built in decades of career.

My dream job is now gone. I tried three jobs in the same field after but did not manage to keep them for more than 6 months. I felt useless in those jobs and unable to perform the tasks I was given. I constantly looked at the past, at what I had and will not have anymore for the rest of my life. I know I will never be more than I was in 2020.

My job did not make me notice that I have no friends in this world, that my marriage is empty and that I will never be able to build new friendships or that I will never be able to build a relationship with another woman. I tried some dating website and I failed miserably. Tbh I do not have much to offer to another person. I do not really have interests outside my former job and I have a very narrow culture.

Now I am a teacher. I hate my job because I am in a silly university then place where students without ambition go to earn just a piece of paper. They have no motivation, no interest in learning. Colleagues thinks they are such great scientists but in reality they are a closed up group without any international view. I know I will be here for the rest of my life and I do not want to do that.

I am tired of the positivism of people around me. It is two years of hell and it will not change in the future. For me this forum is a way to build up the courage to CTB (first time I use this acronym). I will take the time it take. I hope you also find what you are looking for. IMO there is nothing wrong in saying that we saw enough of this life. It is like watching a movie or a TV series, some people watch it until the end, other get bored and leave the cinema before the end. I am not interested in the end credits anymore.

 

[GreyCTB]

I wanted to become a researcher. There are many people who make great inventions, like free energy devices and anti gravity devices. I know there are ways to reverse evolution in plants and grow prehistoric food, much more nutrients and ready for harvest after 1 month. It's so simple everyone can do it at home. But if you make inventions like these you will get in trouble with big corporations and the police. In the USA it's illegal even to patent things that defy mainstream laws of physics. You simply are not rewarded for your hard work and everything that you do is taken from you. I want to make the world a better place, but it's not possible when everything is about money.

 

[want2dienow]

i just now given up on FK; my own realization that blacks cant be game developers on their own.
So I've nothing potentially backing me out of taking SN.

 

[Sleeper System]

I dedicated all my life to studies in the STEM field. Got a degree, a PhD, started my career in academia. It was a wonderful path. I was lucky enough to end-up in places where my former bosses mostly allowed me to express my creativity. I could build new technology with my hands and share the results with an international community. I was given the opportunity to grow and I finally got a research group to manage. Those where the two happiest years of my life.

Unfortunately, all this was not without issues. I am a toxic person. I pushed away friend for all my life and on the workplace everybody knew I was an asshole. I was proud of that because I knew I was very good at my job. I fought with colleagues, friends, and superiors. I think everybody was waiting for a mistake and that finally arrived in the for of a tweet with some hatespeech. I was fired and lost all I have built in decades of career.

My dream job is now gone. I tried three jobs in the same field after but did not manage to keep them for more than 6 months. I felt useless in those jobs and unable to perform the tasks I was given. I constantly looked at the past, at what I had and will not have anymore for the rest of my life. I know I will never be more than I was in 2020.

My job did not make me notice that I have no friends in this world, that my marriage is empty and that I will never be able to build new friendships or that I will never be able to build a relationship with another woman. I tried some dating website and I failed miserably. Tbh I do not have much to offer to another person. I do not really have interests outside my former job and I have a very narrow culture.

Now I am a teacher. I hate my job because I am in a silly university then place where students without ambition go to earn just a piece of paper. They have no motivation, no interest in learning. Colleagues thinks they are such great scientists but in reality they are a closed up group without any international view. I know I will be here for the rest of my life and I do not want to do that.

I am tired of the positivism of people around me. It is two years of hell and it will not change in the future. For me this forum is a way to build up the courage to CTB (first time I use this acronym). I will take the time it take. I hope you also find what you are looking for. IMO there is nothing wrong in saying that we saw enough of this life. It is like watching a movie or a TV series, some people watch it until the end, other get bored and leave the cinema before the end. I am not interested in the end credits anymore.

The main reason I keep my horrible Job is because it's comfortable and I have put about 11 years into it. The idea of starting over in what will probably be a lesser position somewhere else is enough to make me physically ill. I had to accept the fact that not everyone gets to "live a dream life" or keep one as in your case but you are so ahead of me that I envy the life you want to throw away. I am sure someone envies my life as well. And that thought process just keep trickling downhill. I remember the first time I used CTB too lol felt silly. Thanks for posting. I like reading well written posts.

 

[hamvil]

The main reason I keep my horrible Job is because it's comfortable and I have put about 11 years into it. The idea of starting over in what will probably be a lesser position somewhere else is enough to make me physically ill. I had to accept the fact that not everyone gets to "live a dream life" or keep one as in your case but you are so ahead of me that I envy the life you want to throw away. I am sure someone envies my life as well. And that thought process just keep trickling downhill. I remember the first time I used CTB too lol felt silly. Thanks for posting. I like reading well written posts.

I do not know your situation so I cannot really tell if I am ahed of you. I guess that if you are in a first world country with a stable job we are more or less in the same conditions. I do not have economical problems and, IF I do not fuck up this job (which is always a possibility) I can 99% reach the retirement age. My issue is that I keep watching former colleagues on LinkedIn going ahead in their career, reaching position I could have reached. I see them participating in developing the next great technology. I know instead that I reached my top in 2019/2020. I never will be more that I was at that time. Also at that time I was in the best relationship of my life. Yes it was an affair I had with a student of mine (please do not judge) but it was happy. All is gone and I wonder what is the point of going forward. Thanks for appreciating my post, it makes me feel good that they are read with care.

Getting a job isn't a choice for most people and it doesn't mean society has accepted you. I was lucky to get the job (that's what I thought at the time) and I was antisocial and a complete loser by social standards at the time. The experience at the job taught me how to fake a personality good enough to create the image of a productive member of society. It taught me how to communicate better and read body language etc. Now, you can see me and say he works and pays taxes and he isn't completely useless but really all that stuff is forced by the system and you have no choice. It's either that or live off someone else or live on the street as a bum.

yes that is like I am living my current job. I called it the Japanese method. Everything is excellent and exciting, I try not to express negative feelings, I suppress my urge to tell people that we are in shitty university which is falling apart and where only losers come to study. I try very very hard to just shut up and pretend this is a perfect place. One year passed and so far I managed not to explode. I get complains because I do not interact more with people, my boss tells me that people do not see me enough in the workplace. What the fuck does it means? I am in my fucking office with another professor, what I am expected to do? Parade around the floor? I am living the life of another person waiting to be finally home to sit on my couch and watch youtube.

 

[Zegers]

I would like to be a streamer maybe, i think being at home mopey (like now) and talking to randoms (like now) interact with people, be part of a comunity and so on.

 

[Astronauta]

Estava iniciando na minha carreira, guardando dinheiro para trocar o carro, tirar férias, viajar e outras coisas. Fui me vacinar de covid em Julho/2021 e minha vida virou um verdadeiro pesadelo.

Usei todo o dinheiro com a saúde, adeus sonhos...
E agora estou aqui ....ctb

 

[Deadroom]

All the typical traditionl stuff. A house, a husband, a kid. Instead im disabled and SSI doesnt pay enough to cover rent so im always teetering on homelessness.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I wanted to make my own indie game. Silly, I know. Wanted to find a hobby, make new friends, travel. Kind of trite typical stuff. Everything is screwed now, unfortunately. I usually take responsibility for what is going on in my life and don't blame it on other people or society in general, but in this case I am only responsible for not being prepared to emigrate which is not something I could reasonably expect to be a necessity. Other then that - yes, it's the world crushing my dreams, something that is objectively bigger than me and outside of my control.