what are you most embarrassed about in your life?

[luten]

List the things that makes you feel embarrassed ?

I will make a list too, I dont even know where to start..

1. I am 38, and I receive financial help from my father due to disability.
2. I lost most of my income sources (clients), due to a mental, and physical health breakdown in 2017.
3. I cannot support a woman financially, not possible, not with all of my medical bills, this even while having an income which is more than what the average person earns, in my country.
4. I drive a shitty car, hard to explain when you earned so much money back in the day.
5. I live in a two bedroom apartment, renting.
6. I wasted a lot of hard earned money due to obsessive compulsive disorder, buying things of the same kind. Repeatedly visiting the same places in other countries, totally consumed by obsessions. It is not as bad anymore, I think I eventually learned from the devastating consequences.
7. I lost all of my friends. The lack of friends would be hard to explain to any newcomers in my life. At one stage (2007-2013) I had about six really good friends.
8. I am also self conscious about the fact that I appear normal to the general public, maybe even well off. This is one of the biggest problems in my life, appearing normal to the outside world, and I think when they (women) find out what my real position is in life, they will simply feel sorry for me, and leave. I also want to emphasize that my intention is to never give people false impressions about me. What is the point of doing that, they will find out eventually.
   
   I try my best to convey to people about my situation at the soonest. I am not pretentious.
   
   
9. Wanting to end my life is also embarrassing I guess, how do you explain the CTB equipment in your living space...

I am sure that there are more stuff....

 

[netrezven]

In order to support and help people i have nothing to do with, first i have to totally secure and took care of my family. Still in first stage.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that I am still alive and I continue to put up with this horrible existence. I should have ctb years ago. Of course I should never have been born in the first place, but that was out of my control.

 

[stellabelle]

My own actions and that of others.
Being repeatedly subjected to cruelty.
Being "cruel", to a point.
The idea that those people "have it all."

The struggles in life.
Stalkers.
Creeps.
Crappy family.
Unnecessary hardships.
Not following my intuition better, or just letting shit happen to prove a point.
Being ignored.
Assaulted.
I was never "good enough."
People enabled abusers to abuse.
My own shortcomings.

Trying to "please" a mother who wouldn't stop when she was told to stop.
Being a "puppet."
Not "doing something" about assaults or thefts.
Being misinterpreted or misunderstood, disrespectful or disrespected.
Being denied learning opportunities.
Or told that I don't have autonomy, or choices in life because of shit disturbers and abuse.
Being "shut down" and "prevented from" moving forward.
Being pestered.
Being denied an opportunity to "pay someone back" when borrowing something.
People wasting my time and eardrums.
My sense of humor being mistaken or misinterpreted.
Feeling invisible.

Being unable to "move forward" and break this loop I deal with during each waking moment.
Being grateful for where I am but seemingly still falling short of everything "positive" in life thanks to shit courts, shit family members, shit cops, and shitty circumstances.

 

[OrcWitch]

I suppose the fact that I feel like a glorified teenager when I'm almost 30.

 

[deathismymeaning]

the number of times that i have failed to kill myself and the methods i've used

 

[stellabelle]

I suppose the fact that I feel like a glorified teenager when I'm almost 30.

Don't - I'll tell you people of all ages be acting like damn teenagers and playing stupid little games because they're fucked up. I've watched it repeatedly and it's absolutely stupid/crazy.

the number of times that i have failed to kill myself and the methods i've used

That's not something to be ashamed of.
It just is.
People say it's "simple", it's not.

 

[lostundead]

Choosing my political beliefs based on who had the best memes.

 

[MeltedJello]

2 most embarrassing things for me is:

1. Winning the sperm race
2. Accidentally farting in class back in gr. 1 or 2. I seriously can't forget how embarrassed I've felt, especially being the most quiet kid.

I've got a long list of other things, but I'm feeling lazy right now.

 

[wanttodie]

that I am still alive

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I am also self conscious about the fact that I appear normal to the general public, maybe even well off. This is one of the biggest problems in my life, appearing normal to the outside world, and I think when they (women) find out what my real position is in life, they will simply feel sorry for me, and leave. I also want to emphasize that my intention is to never give people false impressions about me. What is the point of doing that, they will find out eventually.

This is why I always make sure to mention that I'm an incel NEET that lives in mom's basement and has a thlammed penith to women (and men) ASAP, even if there is no possibility of us dating.

 

[stygal]

still being dependent on others sometimes

 

[motel rooms]

Well, being 40 & having less control over your penis & sexual thoughts than a 15-year-old boy is quite humiliating. It doesn't matter that you're the one doing the penetrating; you're still nothing but a damn piece of meat & other people's slave.

 

[lostundead]

I forgot: Not being able to hunt my own food with nothing but a spear and eating the, still warm and pulsating, raw heart of my prey as a snack before I bring the carcass home to my cave to feed my family.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I also receive money from my father at 37 because I can't really work. I have no friends at all because I can't keep any. I am twice divorced. I dropped out of university. I have no routines or structure. I eat candy, pizza, play games, live like a kid etc.

That's probably it as far as being embarrassed goes (unless you count the fact that I'm a horribly embarrassing drunk).

 

[luten]

This is why I always make sure to mention that I'm an incel NEET that lives in mom's basement and has a thlammed penith to women (and men) ASAP, even if there is no possibility of us dating.

I cant really say I am a NEET, i still do some work, very difficult to put myself in a category. The point is I cant be the guy who provides for a woman, I can maybe be an equal. I know that one do not have to provide for a woman, but what type of man does not want to spoil a woman? Maybe I will get roasted by saying this, but would a woman really choose a crippled guy over a healthy one with substantial estate? Ofcourse, everyone would say it is not about the money, it is the polite thing to say.

 

[callme]

I also receive money from my father at 37 because I can't really work. I have no friends at all because I can't keep any. I am twice divorced. I dropped out of university. I have no routines or structure. I eat candy, pizza, play games, live like a kid etc.

That's probably it as far as being embarrassed goes (unless you count the fact that I'm a horribly embarrassing drunk).

Both you and @luten are-self sufficient. Whatever conditions both of yous have, his first reason and yours are not worth the shame. What I would expect from somebody in such a condition is much worse. Probably ashamed because it could have been the case for a long time, but so what? Can you hit a switch and magically reduce the number of years you're going to suffer?

Come now, you have tried, and thus failed. I am a disaster in everything possible, so I have never tried.

I am a fully functional 20-something who has never bought clothes for himself. (Obese, very few options). Now that is embarassing. Even worse, I am not diagnosed wth anything, but my grand reason for doing the dirty work is poverty. 3.5 billion people can complain just the same, but no, too hard for me - and I live in Europe.

 

[luten]

Both you and @luten are-self sufficient. Whatever conditions both of yous have, his first reason and yours are not worth the shame. What I would expect from somebody in such a condition is much worse. Probably ashamed because it could have been the case for a long time, but so what? Can you hit a switch and magically reduce the number of years you're going to suffer?

Come now, you have tried, and thus failed. I am a disaster in everything possible, so I have never tried.

I am a fully functional 20-something who has never bought clothes for himself. (Obese, very few options). Now that is embarassing. Even worse, I am not diagnosed wth anything, but my grand reason for doing the dirty work is poverty. 3.5 billion people can complain just the same, but no, too hard for me - and I live in Europe.

There is no switch.

I have severe spinal-cord damage, with associated surgical damages. I have been this way since the age of 6, but managed to do business, and work on my own terms, which fell apart in 2017.

In my mind I need to be successful, regardless of my circumstances. If I cant be successful (work, provide) then there is no point. I am an embarrassment to myself, for not being able to be successful, again, this regardless of my circumstances. Excuses do not work for me personally, that is why I am here.

 

[callme]

There is no switch.

I have severe spinal-cord damage, with associated surgical damages. I have been this way since the age of 6, but managed to do business, and work on my own terms, which fell apart in 2017.

In my mind I need to be successful, regardless of my circumstances. If I cant be successful (work, provide) then there is no point. I am an embarrassment to myself, for not being able to be successful, again, this regardless of my circumstances. Excuses do not work for me personally, that is why I am here.

Really? You are incredibly strong. I an only having hypertension and I'm ready to go. If you could write a book, would you?

 

[luten]

Really? You are incredibly strong. I an only having hypertension and I'm ready to go. If you could write a book, would you?

well my story involves many tragedies, multiple suicides in the family, violent childhood, abuse, a life of health problems. These things took so much of my time, I am not sure if I would want to spend more time on it.