Discussion What are you doing?

[6ixxy]

If you're planning to CTB relatively soon, what are you doing with your life until then?

It's a very strange feeling, for me going about my daily life as normal, work, socialising(barely) just regular stuff regular people do but still having that embedded thought of suicide in my mind. Makes the entire situation very confusing. I guess part of me is doing 'regular' things to avoid suspicion, whilst still disregarding all things that would otherwise effect my future self, like speeding tickets, I got two last month & instantly ripped the letters up knowing I wouldn't be here to deal with the consequences.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Me too. I pretend to be as normal as possible when I'm with people and pretend that I enjoy life etc. When I'm alone I often cry and think about doing it right at the moment but I promised not to do it before 2020.

 

[6ixxy]

Me too. I pretend to be as normal as possible when I'm with people and pretend that I enjoy life etc. When I'm alone I often cry and think about doing it right at the moment but I promised not to do it before 2020.

I think it's quite a talent being able to put on a brave face, especially in front of people who know you best. Hang in there, I'm right here with you on that one

 

[Final Escape]

I'm just sitting here. I took my kitten to get fixed and shots today. So pick him up at 4. I should be trying to do some stuff but I'm really not feeling like it.

 

[6ixxy]

I'm just sitting here. I took my kitten to get fixed and shots today. So pick him up at 4. I should be trying to do some stuff but I'm really not feeling like it.

Sometimes we need those days to just do nothing, may not be great for you but it sure as hell beats any stress from the outside world.

 

[Final Escape]

Sometimes we need those days to just do nothing, may not be great for you but it sure as hell beats any stress from the outside world.

Right I love just sittin on my butt often lol! Not having to deal with people only if I have to.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I am biding my time. Spending money on clothes that I wear to clubs. Having fun, doing things I wouldn't do if I were going to live. Also waiting for all my suicide plans to come together. It's kind of stressful.

 

[6ixxy]

I am biding my time. Spending money on clothes that I wear to clubs. Having fun, doing things I wouldn't do if I were going to live. Also waiting for all my suicide plans to come together. It's kind of stressful.

I like it, kind of a 'fuck it' attitude. Wish I could do the same but this time of year gets me so stressed concerning money. Sooner Christmas is out of the way the better.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I like it, kind of a 'fuck it' attitude. Wish I could do the same but this time of year gets me so stressed concerning money. Sooner Christmas is out of the way the better.

Yup, fuck it. Having fun. Hope you get through the holidays ok.

 

[6ixxy]

Yup, fuck it. Having fun. Hope you get through the holidays ok.

Same goes! I'll do my best, last minute shopping is getting to me

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Eating junk food and chain smoking
Crying in between
But today I did my eyebrows, is only make me feel worse

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I am experiencing that too. Knowing that I'm going to ctb. It's like I'm losing fear.

 

[awfullife]

me, I don't cry much anymore. That's when you know that shit is getting really bad.

 

[6ixxy]

me, I don't cry much anymore. That's when you know that shit is getting really bad.

Eh, I don't think I've cried over feeling like this in a looooong time, guess I'm kinda numb to it. To me, I think that's when you really know, when you're just 'done' with it all. Either that or severe emotional exhaustion

 

[Guizin239]

what i do everyday. play video games and watch dumb stuff on youtube.

 

[GinaIsReady]

me, I don't cry much anymore. That's when you know that shit is getting really bad.

OMG I soooooo relate to this.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Today I cried a lot and I also went out for a walk. The town was almost empty and combined with memories it was very haunting.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I've been off work since September. I go back in mid-January. I feel like that will hasten my CTB. I love my job, I just can't get motivated to do anything. I spend almost all my time in bed. I've got two TVs that aren't hooked up. I bought an XBone last month but I still haven't unsealed the box. I just can't get interested in anything at all. But sometimes I take a shower and feel like I should celebrate it and everyone should high five me.

 

[snorli]

Eating junk food and chain smoking
Crying in between
But today I did my eyebrows, is only make me feel worse

I had my eyebrows done professionally last Friday. Somehow, they were all hairy again tonight and I had to touch them up .

 

[Flume]

I make music and watch twitch streams while crying alone broke as hell with barely any food in the fridge.

 

[Manja]

I planned for weekend to go out in some nightclubs to score some H or F cause I'm loosing patience with waiting for SN to never come...I even spent shitload of money for makeup bc I don't have any since I never go out.
And then I didn't wanna go and made all kind of excuses not to go and now I feel like shit for not going...maybe I could be dead now if I wasn't so lazy and stupid

 

[snorli]

I've been off work since September. I go back in mid-January. I feel like that will hasten my CTB. I love my job, I just can't get motivated to do anything. I spend almost all my time in bed. I've got two TVs that aren't hooked up. I bought an XBone last month but I still haven't unsealed the box. I just can't get interested in anything at all. But sometimes I take a shower and feel like I should celebrate it and everyone should high five me.

Here's the highest five I can give you!

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I had my eyebrows done professionally last Friday. Somehow, they were all hairy again tonight and I had to touch them up .

Mine grow pretty fast too. I wanted to remove unwanted part of them with electro before but now it doesn't matter anymore.
I don't do touch ups because I am so severely depressed and have zero energy.
My browmaster is very good at her job and sweet girl.

 

[6ixxy]

I make music and watch twitch streams while crying alone broke as hell with barely any food in the fridge.

Are you the IRL Flume???

 

[Meant2Die]

Trying to enjoy every little thing thinking I don't have much time left on this earth, but it's hard bc my healthy went south again so the emotional numbness and depression are really bad. And now I gotta spend another holiday feeling like I'm just going through the motions, forcing a smile to keep up appearances, but I gotta stick around for the family for a bit longer. There is sometimes a small flutter of muffled happiness when I think I won't have to deal with this shit anymore, but that still alternates with fear and guilt.
So along with tying up lose ends I'm just watching lots of tv and Netflix, twitch. I totally forgot about the fact that old friends are all coming back to town for the holidays so there's already emails being sent and things being organized and I don't know how I'll be able to face 10 of my really good friends that I basically spent all my 20s wth, knowing ill be CTBing soon..but it will be odd if I don't show up and see them, since half are coming in from the west coast. Fucking holidays make everything harder.

 

[123die]

I don't even know. I dropped out of school to try and find my family and as much as people keep telling me that it will happen, to keep going, etc etc, the longer I go on, the less hope I have. Every day I'm either thinking 'I'm just going to stay inside all day so as not to jump off of a bridge' or 'Where shall I jump from? Or maybe I'l hang myself? Or maybe try and slice open my femoral artery... hmmm...'

 

[Flume]

Are you the IRL Flume???

IRL on the internet.

 

[Mr2005]

Spending christmas at my girlfriends. Going out for KFC's. Thinking the whole time about why I've waited this long to find out if anyone will do surgery. This isn't my life it's someone else's and I'm staring death in the face

 

[mediocre]

I am waiting to see if I can get a diagnosis for my physical illnesses and if it is possible to recover. If not I will ctb. In the meantime i am just waiting doing absolutely nothing. I just sleep mostly.