I don't go to traditional therapy, but for exposure therapy for my severe OCD. When I first started, I tried to hint to him that I was dreading getting older and didn't wanna live until I was 80, trying to get a sense of if I could talk to him about any of this. He didn't make a connection at all. Now after 2 half assed attempts and a different therapist who I love, I feel this overwhelming need to unburden myself to someone and have no desire to do it to friends and family. As I've gotten more suicidal these past few months, I've made a few comments like I'd be happy if I died in my sleep tonight or maybe l'll have a heart attack soon.With my background, you would think she would take it a little more seriously but it's obvious that none of this is her wheelhouse. it's like she is the only one I want to talk to, but I don't want to be put inpatient So I tried to be careful with what I actually said.