-nobodyknows-
I will face my fate.
- Jun 16, 2024
- 542
Ah, how hard have I tried to find a place in this world. To carve out a small, yet meaningful existence for myself. Even if I am simply a tiny cog in the machine, so long as that machine is a part of something I consider important, I think that would be enough.
But it's no good. My mind is far too twisted to be of any use to anyone. I don't how this happened to me. I have no further role to play. So, please allow me to excuse myself. I think that it would be for the best. I do not want to be a burden to the people that I love so much.
I cannot say my goodbyes just yet, so until I do, I suppose I'll just keep dancing along to the sound of the music. I suppose I could just stop and curl into a ball, but I think that would only complicate things. Though, it does feel weird to keep playing along, applying for things and going in despite the fact that this is clearly the last verse. I hope people don't take it too personally. I feel a little guilty, because I feel like such scum playing everyone like this. They have no idea what I plan to do. And yet, there is a twisted, cruel part of me that finds amusement in it all. ""What were you expecting? Did you really think I would recover, given the things that had happened?"
So, as useless as I am, please put up with me for just a little bit longer. I promise you that I will take care of things soon enough.
I sometimes think about the rumors people used to spread about me when I was younger. I kind of get where they were coming from. I was always a screwup. Even when I was in the hospital, I never cleanly fit into any of their boxes. So, of course, I can't fit into any of their boxes normal boxes. It was weird though. I was quite the loner, but I generally wasn't bullied too much, except on a few more severe occasions. I guess those sort of stuck with me, and caused me to just stay away from everything. If you keep your distance, then they'll have a harder time stabbing you, won't they?
My last year of school was quite something. I said something in passing that kind of disturbed some people. I didn't threaten anyone, or anything crazy like that. I guess it was my nonchalantness in the face of tragedy? A week later, the principal told me that I should just finish the year from home. So, I did. It was kind of lonely, but it only reinforced what I already knew. I am not like anyone else. I have no place in this society.
Please forgive me for all the trouble I have caused you. I know that ever since I was very young, I have only ever been a pain to deal with. I am sure that my methods must seem drastic, but they are necessary.
It's a really nice day today. It's very cold, so everyone is inside. I can walk along the quiet snowy path with the wind greeting me, and the sun lighting my way. I can let my feelings flow through me, as I walk to the beat of the music. I am happy that the world is still like this, so quiet and calm, despite the maelstrom churning in my heart.
When I smile at you in passing, there's a part of me that hopes that you can tell that it's all a lie. I feel like it'd be better for it to not be a surprise. But I know that I've gotten too good at this. Truly, I am sorry that this is how things have to play out.
Is it better to pull slowly, or rip it off quickly, like a bandage? To be honest, I don't really know myself. But, please know that I'm trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone. I'd rather cause as little trouble and pain as possible.
There's no point in regretting what could have been. Trying to find something to blame. What's done is done. So allow me to do what I believe to be best, as vanish like the melting snow.
I wonder what I will say when I finally say goodbye. What kind of day will it be? I hope it is a nice one. I would love to look out at this beautiful world before I go.
But it's no good. My mind is far too twisted to be of any use to anyone. I don't how this happened to me. I have no further role to play. So, please allow me to excuse myself. I think that it would be for the best. I do not want to be a burden to the people that I love so much.
I cannot say my goodbyes just yet, so until I do, I suppose I'll just keep dancing along to the sound of the music. I suppose I could just stop and curl into a ball, but I think that would only complicate things. Though, it does feel weird to keep playing along, applying for things and going in despite the fact that this is clearly the last verse. I hope people don't take it too personally. I feel a little guilty, because I feel like such scum playing everyone like this. They have no idea what I plan to do. And yet, there is a twisted, cruel part of me that finds amusement in it all. ""What were you expecting? Did you really think I would recover, given the things that had happened?"
So, as useless as I am, please put up with me for just a little bit longer. I promise you that I will take care of things soon enough.
I sometimes think about the rumors people used to spread about me when I was younger. I kind of get where they were coming from. I was always a screwup. Even when I was in the hospital, I never cleanly fit into any of their boxes. So, of course, I can't fit into any of their boxes normal boxes. It was weird though. I was quite the loner, but I generally wasn't bullied too much, except on a few more severe occasions. I guess those sort of stuck with me, and caused me to just stay away from everything. If you keep your distance, then they'll have a harder time stabbing you, won't they?
My last year of school was quite something. I said something in passing that kind of disturbed some people. I didn't threaten anyone, or anything crazy like that. I guess it was my nonchalantness in the face of tragedy? A week later, the principal told me that I should just finish the year from home. So, I did. It was kind of lonely, but it only reinforced what I already knew. I am not like anyone else. I have no place in this society.
Please forgive me for all the trouble I have caused you. I know that ever since I was very young, I have only ever been a pain to deal with. I am sure that my methods must seem drastic, but they are necessary.
It's a really nice day today. It's very cold, so everyone is inside. I can walk along the quiet snowy path with the wind greeting me, and the sun lighting my way. I can let my feelings flow through me, as I walk to the beat of the music. I am happy that the world is still like this, so quiet and calm, despite the maelstrom churning in my heart.
When I smile at you in passing, there's a part of me that hopes that you can tell that it's all a lie. I feel like it'd be better for it to not be a surprise. But I know that I've gotten too good at this. Truly, I am sorry that this is how things have to play out.
Is it better to pull slowly, or rip it off quickly, like a bandage? To be honest, I don't really know myself. But, please know that I'm trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone. I'd rather cause as little trouble and pain as possible.
There's no point in regretting what could have been. Trying to find something to blame. What's done is done. So allow me to do what I believe to be best, as vanish like the melting snow.
I wonder what I will say when I finally say goodbye. What kind of day will it be? I hope it is a nice one. I would love to look out at this beautiful world before I go.
