Were you ever "popular"?

[Mixo]

Was there or has there ever been a time in your life where you actually had a wide network of friendships? And more pointedly, was there ever a point where you were well liked to the point of popularity?

It is totally meaningless to me now, but there was actually a time in my life I had many friends and that period was 10 years ago during graduate school. Back then, I went out of my way to greet many, many people before lectures and events, organized social outings, and engaged heavily in social media. I knew how to make people feel good about themselves and included, and this was my primary way of dealing with people. It is hard to believe and recollect now, considering how much of a misanthrope I am today. Those days have zero bearing on the shitty life I lead now, which kind of flies in the face of the assumption that being a more social, outgoing person means your life will turn out better. I wonder if any others here can relate.

 

[chronicphysicalpain]

I have few but good friends. I was never popular. I'd be surprised to find many people like that in this forum

 

[Marioomr]

Was there or has there ever been a time in your life where you actually hide a wide network of friendships? And more pointedly, was there ever a point where you were well liked to the point of popularity?

It is totally meaningless to me now, but there was actually a time in my life I had many friends and that period was 10 years ago during graduate school. Back then, I went out of my way to greet many, many people before lectures and events, organized social outings, and engaged heavily in social media. I knew how to make people feel good about themselves and included, and this was my primary way of dealing with people. It is hard to believe and recollect now, considering how much of a misanthrope I am today. Those days have zero bearing on the shitty life I lead now, which kind of flies in the wider assumptions that being a more social, outgoing person means your life will turn out better. I wonder if any others here can relate.

I have many friends and thousands of followers on social networking sites from around the world, and an influential and strong family, but I feel an unbearable void

 

[Life_and_Death]

technically you could probably say i was "popular" but it wasnt in the legitimate way. theyd say hi, wed hang out at school but i was on the side. it just didnt feel the same as actually being popular. hard to explain.
although the high amount of bullying, being used, and not caring probably explains it. not actually friend popular but people popular i guess...

 

[hamvil]

I built some small networks of friends at each "step" in my life, in high school, university, grad school, work even. But I never managed to keep them after each cycle was over. I know that some of them kept the relationship on but I was never involved, never called for gathering or trips. I guess I have a personality that tends to put away people after a bit. I managed to get a good network of business friends when I had a good job, but they are fading away as well. Understandable considering how I fuck up my job. So, No i was never really popular in my life.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Definitely not. I've always been the outcast. If you know me I guess it's not hard to figure out why.

It sounds like it was fascinating yet exhausting to have been so popular.

 

[Mixo]

Definitely not. I've always been the outcast. If you know me I guess it's not hard to figure out why.

It sounds like it was fascinating yet exhausting to have been so popular.

It was only a brief period and yes, it was exhausting and well outside the comfort zone I was in for most of my teens and early 20s. Didn't last, though. I am an outcast now too.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I was popular until age 14, then I was bullied for acne and teased outcasted. Then I had my cousin very popular inviting me to events at 20-22. So I had casual friends but after meeting that man online what was left of me collapsed and I self isolated and drowned in misery. Most of it is trauma from bullying in my teens and coercive assault at 22. Then ages 23-28 I been isolating with casual sex with strangers leading to sexual assault while I was abusing alcohol

 

[Celerity]

Was there or has there ever been a time in your life where you actually had a wide network of friendships? And more pointedly, was there ever a point where you were well liked to the point of popularity?

It is totally meaningless to me now, but there was actually a time in my life I had many friends and that period was 10 years ago during graduate school. Back then, I went out of my way to greet many, many people before lectures and events, organized social outings, and engaged heavily in social media. I knew how to make people feel good about themselves and included, and this was my primary way of dealing with people. It is hard to believe and recollect now, considering how much of a misanthrope I am today. Those days have zero bearing on the shitty life I lead now, which kind of flies in the face of the assumption that being a more social, outgoing person means your life will turn out better. I wonder if any others here can relate.

What did you go for? I made a lot of friends in grad school, but then I cut off contact once my life spiraled out of control, and I was forced to drop out.

Would-be psych PhD here.

I would also say that I was popular during this time. It's so sad looking back because I thought that I had found "my tribe" so to speak. That was actually the mood disorder talking, haha.

 

[tipsytiger]

I was popular back then in my uni life, because I was a really active students in my major. Have friends no matter where I go and I think people like hanging out with me.

But that's it even back then I'm still depressed. All the things outside are just a distraction for me. When I'm alone the thoughts are always there.

 

[ShadowsFall]

No, I was the quiet kid who pretty much kept to himself. The only thing I was popular for thru out my school years was being an easy target for bullying. I was such an outcast, I was even bullied by those considered unpopular and bullied themselves.

 

[lofticries]

I was a popular poster on an animu forum during my teens. Does that count?

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Nah mate, I'm autistic. But, during periods of my life where I've been in the orbit of a popular person who put a group together that included me, I would be integrated into the circle pretty easily if I kept up masking and trying to be a funny, laid back person.

 

[makebelieve]

never, maybe as the kid who was quite most of the time.

 

[Fowli]

I was quite popular in my late teenage years. I'm good with music and production, and went to a sound engineering school. I was very helpful to the other students, I made a lot of friends there. After that, I got to meet and work with great artists. That surely wasn't the key to making me happy, I just fucked it up.

 

[theboy]

Yes, but not for good reasons

 

[noone2]

Maybe in elementary school but not afterwards. I was mostly the quiet kid later and was an outcast.

 

[KQuotientW]

I went to 10 different schools. It was different at different schools. I honestly didn't care if I was popular or not, in the end.

If you start at a new school in the middle of the year, many had already established friendships and I'd fit in with the outcasts, often having a great time. We often had even more fun than when I was in with the popular crowd. The popular crowd were often the most insecure and shallow, caring more about their appearance than other people. The slightest thing could have you dumped by the "populars". It was all a facade.

The outcasts, for me, were like the kids in the Hellfire Club on Stranger Things, minus the Dungeons and Dragons game. We just liked each other for who they were. Genuine and solid friendships.

In adulthood, the social popularity contest has fallen away as the once shallow people in high school now have a wider community to have to socialise with. No one gives a shit if they're wearing expensive shoes or being seen. There's a few shallow people in the adult world but they are the minority and it speaks more about their own insecurities that they are projecting onto others. They don't like themselves very much if they need to put others down. It's all smoke and mirrors to try to cover for how they feel about themselves on the inside.

I'm a cripple now. I get plenty of rude stares and comments from total dickheads. But, that's on them. I'm not doing anything wrong. That's their problem. They don't know me so who are they to judge? Those who do know me, love my wicked and cheeky sense of humour. Only their opinion of me matters to me.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

No, I moved around a lot when I was a kid. Every time I'd start to really fit in, we'd pack up and move again. As an adult I had a few friends in my 20's, but then I moved out of state. Now that I have chronic illness/pain I don't really want to see anyone anymore, except my husband.

 

[TheManIllNeverBe]

High school and college were both pretty good for me. I was known as the guy who would fix everybody's computer or the A/V system when it was broken. A well-loved nerd. Something would get fucked up with the projector in the middle of a school assembly and people would randomly shout out my name... everybody would laugh because they knew I was there, and I'd figure it out. I always did. Then I graduated and went off to work at a big, faceless corporation and just kind of blended into the background. Then I had my car accident and got laid off, lost touch with a lot of friends from work. It was nice while it lasted. I'm fairly certain if I had better social support currently, I wouldn't be as interested in CTB. But it seems like the older you get, the harder it is to maintain friendships. Everybody gets busy with their own lives and we grow apart.

 

[LostOne]

I'm still popular, but wish I wasn't…..

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I was fairly popular in high school. I played football for many years and I would hang out with people outside of school occasionally. But for the most part I was relieved to be home and by myself. I think I always lacked confidence. Looking back there were girls who liked me, who would link arms with me walking down the halls or whatever but I was often too afraid to make a move.

In college I was a lot more isolated. I had 1 guy friend and we would hang out and go to parties sometimes. I had a few encounters but struggled with anxiety and dropped out.

After that all the structure disappeared from my life. I conducted my adult life with zero friendships. There were women and marriage, but nothing ever worked out very well for me. My own behaviors and apathy worked against me.

Now I'm a bit older, and sick with an undiagnosed medical problem. I suffer horrible fatigue, brain fog, and lightheadedness. I have my family and my current girlfriend, and that's it. Somehow it feels like I'm nearing the end of everything and I just hang on for the sake of familiarity. I don't imagine there'll be any kind of new chapter in my life in the future. I'm too unwell to seek out anything beyond this.

 

[Zegers]

Unfortunately, no. Few friends but i got tired and isolated myself. Since hs i was an outcast.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Nope

 

[CowsAreCool]

I was never traditionally popular. I was always an odd kid. Kind of awkward. But I would say I was pretty popular in my cliche. I was on a sports team and I had a wide network of good friends, both in athletics and academics. No drama. Unlike a lot of people, my high school years were among the happiest in my life. I had a steady girlfriend, a job, did three sports, got great grades, and felt great.

Of my "close friends" in high school, I haven't spoken to any of them in years. Just my best friend I'll talk to occasionally. I only graduated 3 years ago. Covid and my mental issues consumed my life. Once contact is lost, its hard to reestablish. People change. I withdrew. Girlfriend broke up with me. It's hard to even enjoy my memories, because it reminds me of how miserable I am now (comparably).

It's hard for people who did a lot of sports in high school. I hear the same experience from others. They graduate and go from having 10-20 really close friends, to nothing. There's nothing to fill that void. And being on your own as an adult on top of that. It's tough

 

[Ringo]

I always had friends at school or college, but I don't think I was popular in the strict sense of the word, once integrated into a group of friends, I rarely talked to anyone outside of them, on the other hand, I tends to be reclusive and hermitish, but years ago I was also very shy, apart from random events, most of the friendships I made were because someone approached me, I had little initiative to begin or continue relationships. In the end it was a matter of how I looked, I guess most of the people who approached me were because of that, so it saved me from being lonely during my high school years.

 

[Aurora_chaser]

I am currently popular among many. But I can say how superficial those friendships are, many of them don't know the real me. I could never talk about my mental illness with them, not if I wanted to maintain my status. So when choosing between putting on the performance or revealing the truth and being discarded, I'm choosing the performance.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I was pretty popular growing up, I have a lot of good memories from school and university when I still enjoyed socialising and viewed people through rose tinted glasses. I was well liked partly because of my looks but I found it more and more difficult to trust people because of bad experiences, to put it mildly, so it was impossible not to become guarded and disillusioned when people so often turn out to be disappointing and dishonest.

Being 'popular' was a fun distraction from some of the things that were going on in my life. But, although I was a supportive friend to the people i cared about, from a young age I struggled with trusting anyone enough to open up and ask for help, i had tried a few times and it was one of my biggest regrets. I only ever resort to asking for support when I'm seriously panicking and hit rock bottom, but even recently I regretted doing that.

So I just wear the 'Thalia mask' to pretend I'm fine, i was good at it for the longest time. But masking becomes draining, and so i mostly withdrew, it doesn't bother me now because, too often people only gaf when there's something (sex, jokes etc) in it for them. I'm perfectly happy with one or two genuine people I can trust. It's better than any disingenuous relationship which requires you to constantly put on a satisfactory performance, while you're struggling, if you don't want to be casually replaced.

 

[makethepainstop]

Why I was as popular as a rabid wolf.

 

[Dead Ghost]

Being popular is a recurring theme in American teen movies (the high school ones) . But it is something that I have never encountered where I live and in fact I do not know if this concept exists. Or maybe it existed and I never noticed, hehehe.

//

Això de ser popular es un tema recorrent a les películes d'adolescents nord-americanes (les d'Institut). Però es una cosa que mai mi he trobat on visc i de fet no se si existeix aquest concepte. O potser existía i mai em vaig adonar, hehehe.