We're not meant to be able to move back into our bodies.

[noaccount]

As I've thought about leaving my body, I've thought that 'alternatives' or 'recovery' would naturally consist of moving back into my body.
I also realize I'm not meant to be able to do this after the psychiatric interventions against me. Both the abduction and physical assaults on me, and the emotional abuse and gaslighting meant to convince me that my thoughts and disagreements with them were disease symptoms - after all these, I'm meant to live like a broken domestic animal. The point was to make my body an occupied territory, always the property of another person, and to instill stockholm syndrome in me.

Also one of the big libraries of Mad / psychiatric-survivor knowledge, resources and perspectives was recently destroyed in its entirety, one of the reasons I'm here.
If you know, you know.

This is how a lot of systems of power-over work, though. Schools are designed to teach us compliance rather than curiosity and then we're meant to be productive workers to make some other guy rich. Nuclear families built around misogyny and adultism are a key part of this! At least other countries ratified the international Rights of Children treaty, unlike the U.S. we're fucking backwards as hell...

I also know being driven off their landbases is the biggest driver of addiction and self-harm for Native people, and I feel so much love and gratitude to land protectors who are blockading the way to keep mining companies and colonizers out of their homes. Right because having control of our bodies isn't just about whether anyone assaults us or not, it's about whether we can have relationships and ecosystems to live in unmolested.

So I guess why I post this in 'Recovery' is because even though I'm literally not allowed to reclaim my bodily autonomy, I keep doing it anyway, it's just also a crime a lot of the time. And sometimes the shit I see makes me want to turn the lights off. I'm glad there are people here who are agreed to let each other make their own choices and not report on people or try to force anyone to do anything. I'm glad I've seen people learning how to de-arrest their friends in street fights. It's not enough but it's something I can work with, and anyone else struggling with this I'm sorry, and whatever ways other people have found to deal with this I'm glad to know about.

 

[Soul]

I'd love to learn how to de-arrest my friends. Please keep writing - I'm interested.

I'm not proud of being non-confrontational, because it results from fear and weakness that I've put a philosophical veneer on, but it's realistic for me, since I lose confrontations. My way to deal with what you're describing was to become an ex-pat. This way there's nothing wrong with me; I'm just a foreigner.

 

[blackgrouse]

Wow, I totally subscribe to this. We are not meant to be put back into our bodies! I used to think I could just tug that balloon string and I'd float back down but it doesn't work that way.

The studies on resolved PTSD are so unresolved it's amazing.

 

[Susannah]

I used to think like you do, and deep inside, I still do. I've worked with hard news many years, and it was very interesting, but also depressing. Our surroundings affect us, including our profession. I would "win" most political and ethical discussions if I wanted to, but I would never try to convince or guide people I know unless they ask me.

I'm (like Soul) just a foreigner now. A tourist in my own country, and in the world. I observe, I smile, I ask, I cry and I laugh.

 

[noaccount]

Oh ok so here is a document of Secwpemc women de-arresting their friends in a struggle against Canadian mining companies - other developments around Wetsuweten land defense are very worth looking at





Um some good stories about people helping each other escape medical coercion are collected at theabscondingarchives.com

Well yeah I think one goal people have when they violate others is to stop people from ever-again experiencing their bodies as their own rather than as property
Wretched Of The Earth is still my go-to text on all that

 

[noaccount]

It's so bad. This is by design. We are meant to live as broken livestock whose bodies are not our own. Most suicide is murder by proxy and that's one reason to resist the draw of it. But also it's fucking bullshit that I woke up five years ago instead of slipping away. This cannot be real life.

 

[noaccount]

A recovery framework does not make any sense for me.
'Getting better' could mean treating others better, but I am not mistreating others based on my suicidality.
It could mean feeling better, but there is not a quality within me that needs to 'improve' for this purpose, rather than my situation.
My depression is not a disease.
I simply do not want to live in an environment where people reinscribe abuse and oppression into each other for the incentive-pay of one stale cornchip.
If mods want to move this to suicide discussion forum they can.

 

[wordsonscreen]

As I've thought about leaving my body, I've thought that 'alternatives' or 'recovery' would naturally consist of moving back into my body.
I also realize I'm not meant to be able to do this after the psychiatric interventions against me. Both the abduction and physical assaults on me, and the emotional abuse and gaslighting meant to convince me that my thoughts and disagreements with them were disease symptoms

I feel this so much. I cant believe how clear your words are- I've felt this in a fuzzy way and struggled to label it. I've been trying to move into my body too. Because I also found that "recovery" requires it almost... but I'm not this is possible.

This is how a lot of systems of power-over work, though. Schools are designed to teach us compliance rather than curiosity and then we're meant to be productive workers to make some other guy rich. Nuclear families built around misogyny and adultism are a key part of this! At least other countries ratified the international Rights of Children treaty, unlike the U.S. we're fucking backwards as hell...

I also know being driven off their landbases is the biggest driver of addiction and self-harm for Native people, and I feel so much love and gratitude to land protectors who are blockading the way to keep mining companies and colonizers out of their homes. Right because having control of our bodies isn't just about whether anyone assaults us or not, it's about whether we can have relationships and ecosystems to live in unmolested.

<3 <3 <3 I value your clarity and strength

So I guess why I post this in 'Recovery' is because even though I'm literally not allowed to reclaim my bodily autonomy, I keep doing it anyway, it's just also a crime a lot of the time.

^^ ugh yes. so fucking real. Bodies being criminalized- literally too often.

A recovery framework does not make any sense for me.
'Getting better' could mean treating others better, but I am not mistreating others based on my suicidality.

YES.

It could mean feeling better, but there is not a quality within me that needs to 'improve' for this purpose, rather than my situation.
My depression is not a disease.

YES. The placement of "illness" is wrong. The center of gravity is mispercieved. and I do not think this is an accident or a mistake. This is systemic gaslighting.

I simply do not want to live in an environment where people reinscribe abuse and oppression into each other for the incentive-pay of one stale cornchip.

I fucking feel you.

I think, you will love looking into Liberation and Indigenous psychology frameworks. I've brought all this up in therapy and my therapist gets it. They introduced me to Liberation psych.