Venting Went NC with mom & she tried to kill herself

[sad_frog]

About 3 weeks I told my mom I was not putting up with her manipulation anymore and I went no contact. My mother has MS and she lives with her 94yo mother.
The first week my grandma called me everyday if not twice a day. I decided to go NC with her as well when she left me a voicemail saying that my mom was really sick but couldn't seem to explain what was wrong. Something along the lines of my mother has something wrong with her spine, that she needed surgery and possible bone transplant. ((Should be stated that every point in my life I tried to step away from my mom she would become hospitalized until I apologized and tell her that she was my best friend. I started noticing this around age 19 when I started to move on and go to college, have a boyfriend,ect.))

Today is Monday, I woke up late after my boyfriend left for work. He never locks the door because I'm usually right behind him to do it (for the very reason today happened...)
I start picking up the house and I'm one room away as I hear my front door creak open very very slowly. I almost didn't notice it at first. I paused and didnt hear it again so I went back to sorting through laundry when I hear the creaking again, very slowly again. I was frozen! I hear even more slow creaking, sounded like someone was peeking in to see if the place was clear.
Being naked and scared I got against the wall near the closet and shouted that I had the police on the phone and they'd better get out of here. (I didnt have my phone but the police station is our apartment's front yard so anyone would be crazy to stick around, right?) I didn't hear anything for a few moments and then suddenly my grandma's head was poking into the bedroom.
I told my gma how she scared me and that I was about to call the police but she just complained saying that she had "knocked and been yelling outside my door," that she did "everything she could have to get my attention," Then she followed it with "I almost called the police on you for a wellness check, we havent heard from you in 3 weeks!" (Them calling the police on me for no real reason isnt new..)
.
I asked my grandma why she had come, she let me know that we were going to see my mom and that she'll bring me home. it wasnt a question. I told my gma I was not ready to see my mom. My grandma then let me know that my mother had tried to take her life by ODing. I was shocked. I asked a ton of questions and nearly none were answered. All I really know is my mom didnt go to the hospital and as far as I know hasnt told anyone else. My gma let me know it was because of my mothers selfish daughters that didnt want to see her for the holidays..

At this time I'm getting a feeling that this might be fake, she didnt go to the hospital and my sister and her husband was visiting for thanksgiving. I asked where my sis was. Gma said she left on Tuesday... Im sorry, Tuesday? thats tomorrow though... But she just went into how selfish she was when they almost missed their flight home and couldnt find an uber to the airport.
Im so sick of all her little remarks..
I kept asking my grandma to leave but she wouldnt move she just sat and watched me do my morning routine. She approached me after a while and let me know that if she went home without me after my mom knew she was at my apartment and I didnt come with her, it would kill her.

I have angry tears running down my face at this point, I cant tell what is real and what is fake. I dont have any authority in my own apartment. I just wanted to RUN!! I grabbed my coat and said "If you wont leave the apartment I will." and left.

My grandma left shortly after.
sigh..
I emailed my mom's psychiatrist who is also my psychiatrist because the only other time she's show suicidal thoughts (when I was moving out of the house) she refused to see anyone and so I asked my doctor to see her..

WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Edit: im angry

 

[sad_frog]

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

 

[Moonicide]

If you're not ready to see your mother then you shouldn't have to see her. No matter what the circumstances may be, if you are not ready to do something then that's totally okay. You should not be forced into something you are uncertain about. And it seems your mother alone is a huge trigger for you. So pulling away, working on yourself like you have been is a very mindful thing of you to do and you are attempting to take care of yourself. Protect yourself and your emotions. I'd remain distant until you're ready to cross that bridge. Your mental health and wellbeing is more important.

 

[noctiva]

Hei @sad_frog, I hear you. I have a similar situation, except that my mother doesn't threaten suicide, she sits in bed, cries and invites everyone over to witness it, telling them they need to contact me, make sure that I know her suffering, how horrible and ungrateful a daughter I am and that I need to turn around asap and contact her and apologize and come home and make up for it. So when I don't contact my mother, then all hell breaks loose, everyone from her friends to family call me, email me and the older ones even write me postcards about it.
I've gone to therapy for a long time to work through the shit with my mother and after .. 7 years of therapy I was ready to tell her how I felt (I was 28 at the time). I told her how this pressure she has is destroying me, that I cannot live with it, that I cannot live with how she is trying to dictate what kind of a life I live (side note: At that point I had already moved away from the country I was born in, because I could not have her close by, she'd drive to see me every weekend, made herself at home at my place so she could be there, she had insisted to keep my pets when I moved out from home so I would come home to visit her, had kept my dog with her in my country of origin so I was forced to come back home to see him). I told her I was old enough now to make my own decisions, that I didn't want the life she wanted for me. She said, fine, she'll keep quiet from now on. Next time I called her, she was telling me again, how I need to move back home, marry a nice guy from my home country, become a medical doctor already, have children so she can raise grandchildren, how I needed to get my act together and how disgusting my tattoos are. I told her, again, reminded her of our chat, told her I'll not contact her anymore if this persists. She hung up angry after an angry apology that made me the bad guy. Next time I called, same story. Next time I called, same story. At that point I told her, I will not call her anymore. And I have never called her again since and got a new phone number. She send angry letters, others send angry letters. I never responded. When I moved to a different apartment, the letters ceased, no idea if she has given up or if the person living there now gets a lot of paper to toss.
Point for me was: I needed to protect myself. I am not her care taker, she was supposed to be mine until I was old enough to take care of myself. But she wasn't. She only looked after herself, her needs, her wishes, mine where not even close to her heart. She never allowed me to grow up, never let me make my own mistakes, become my own person. I had to take the freedom to do that for myself, and I have never regretted it.
Check up on her that she doesn't kill herself, make sure she is as safe as she can be, that she has support. But she is an adult, and as such, she needs to make her own decisions, as everybody has to, also when it comes to ctb. You are here to ctb, as are we all, we haven't asked our parents, children or partners for permission. We only need our own permission.
This is your life, you only have the one.

 

[c824767]

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

you have to start being an advocate for medically assisted death.

 

[XoXoNae]

Omg ITS LIKE YOURE WRITING my life before my mom finally CTB. The threats the fakes the hospitalizations for no reason!! Be angry you have every right. Selfish people who guilt trip are the worst! I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need me.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?