Personally I'll always find it so dreadful to suffer in this terrible, torturous existence no matter what and as long as I exist I'll only hope for the peace that only permanently ceasing to exist can bring me, I'd never wish to be conscious in this existence and I suffer simply from existing. It's suffering that only permanent non-existence can take away for me, I'd always prefer to painlessly cease existing than suffer in this existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake but really I wish I never suffered at all more than anything.
I wish I was never forced into this existence and I suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully die and never exist again, I'm always so tired of suffering, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence, I just find it so painful to be enslaved in this existence capable of suffering to unlimited amounts destined for nothing but to be tortured by old age and die anyway, to me existence truly is an abomination and it's one that's only ever caused me to suffer, existing is always so deeply undesirable to me, nothing would make me wish to suffer in this existence.