Welp, back to square 1 I guess.

[AveryConure]

...again.

Went to the therapist, she basically just went ahead and told me she didn't believe DID existed, but I was getting transferred to another therapist and getting psychological testing cause hey I guess if you really think the disorder isn't real then let's still go thru all this effort to still find out I have it when you can just say I'm schizophrenic and prescribe antipsychotics that either don't work at all or make my life even worse cause they're just fucking shit drugs in general.

I literally have no way to CTB either. My SN was stolen from my mom who claims she cares about me but then later does absolutely nothing to help with my situation as she can't even finish my SSI paperwork for no reason other than laziness, and I can lie to my psych to overdose but I would havebto stockpile months worth of meds and that's a pain in the ass. I have no place to hang either and I'm not good at tying shit. I have belts but I can't think of a suitable place to get it to work.

Only option is the train and it's not a peaceful method at all. I've tried but I always get scared at the last minute.

I really don't want to repeat this series of bullshit where I end up regretting not going thru with my death anymore. I really want to leave, I just...don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Raggas]

I feel you... It's something we all want so desperately yet we just can't reach. How about you order more SN and pick it up before your mum notices?

 

[AveryConure]

I feel you... It's something we all want so desperately yet we just can't reach. How about you order more SN and pick it up before your mum notices?

She now checks my packages (without my permission of course) and I ran out of money to buy anymore.

 

[sad_frog]

I am sorry you are feeling this way... God, do I know what it feels like to be handed from one doctor to another. And I fucking HATE the look on my loved ones faces, I can tell they've had enough of me.
Both the belt and the train seem like absolute awful ways to go, most likely won't be quick.
I hope things get better for you.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I can advise you but please tell me more about your situation first. Eg age, reason, what you have tried to get better with etc.

 

[pane]

She now checks my packages (without my permission of course) and I ran out of money to buy anymore.

One possibility to get around this is to use a private mail box service. Try Googling "private mail box your city" and make sure you find a place that has a local store you can physically go to to pick up your packages.

 

[AveryConure]

I can advise you but please tell me more about your situation first. Eg age, reason, what you have tried to get better with etc.

I'm 28, got misdiagnosed with autism so I was never allowed to have a social life or act like an adult, found out I had DID so that makes it seem like "fixing" my life pretty much impossible cause no one in this shitty town know about any psychiatric conditions other than heroin addiction.

Tried to get professional help, meds, can no longer hold down a job so I had to apply for SSI but I know I'm going to get denied because my family claimed they wanted to help but they can't even be bothered to fill out a form but yet they have money and power over me.

Tldr; I'm fucked and now I can't even find a way to kill myself to get out of this shitty existence and my shitty family who basically caused most of my problems and they're too lazy and incompetent to fix it at all.

 

[Made4TV]

Can I ask why you can't do the disability application yourself? I just finished applying for SSDI and did it all myself... including getting most of my own records and letters from doctors. I think you know I also have DID. But I applied under PTSD and depression. There's a website called Disability Secrets that was helpful to me.

 

[AveryConure]

Can I ask why you can't do the disability application yourself? I just finished applying for SSDI and did it all myself... including getting most of my own records and letters from doctors. I think you know I also have DID. But I applied under PTSD and depression. There's a website called Disability Secrets that was helpful to me.

I did and even included a note that my mom probably wouldn't finish it, but idk, I felt like for some reason they would think I couldn't get it cause my family just wanted to be lazy.

I mainly just wrote off my issues as Borderline Personality Disorder, severe depression etc. rather than DID for basically the same reasons you probably heard though.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I'm 28, got misdiagnosed with autism so I was never allowed to have a social life or act like an adult, found out I had DID so that makes it seem like "fixing" my life pretty much impossible cause no one in this shitty town know about any psychiatric conditions other than heroin addiction.

Tried to get professional help, meds, can no longer hold down a job so I had to apply for SSI but I know I'm going to get denied because my family claimed they wanted to help but they can't even be bothered to fill out a form but yet they have money and power over me.

Tldr; I'm fucked and now I can't even find a way to kill myself to get out of this shitty existence and my shitty family who basically caused most of my problems and they're too lazy and incompetent to fix it at all.

If you had SSI would you still want to exit life?

 

[AveryConure]

If you had SSI would you still want to exit life?

It would probably stave off the suicidal thoughts if it meant I could get away from my family.

 

[AveryConure]

I don't have money to pay for more SN that will get stolen by my mom anyways, and I already sent the paperwork so I basically am already waiting for the usual rejection letter or whatever, it's just waiting fucking sucks especially when I could be dead already (maybe).

Really it's just holding in the urge to suddenly want to hang myself somehow or getting drugged up enough to get hit by a train or a truck.