Welp attempting to live didnt last long

[thankyou]

Several days ago made a post that I'm not going to CTB!!!!

Welp since then I've received a horrifying diagnosis. Not a deadly diagnosis (yet) but a horrifying one that would involve such a horrific and invasive surgery to survive that I don't want to live. Id rather not. And the worst part is that it's actually the result of sexual abuse I went through as a child. It's like a miserable life coming full circle, making sure I never get to live a happy life.
Additionally, a really good friend of mine who was one of the few people on earth I could relate to, she CTB, due to isolation. I didn't make an effort to see her enough. I feel awful. She also had chronic illness. She lived 2 hours away. We met up once a year. But we talked online daily. I miss her but I understand her suffering.

Im not getting the surgery, there no way in hell, so if this disease gets worse… I'm out friends. Im out. And meanwhile treating everyday like it's my last. Thank you for giving me an avenue out and giving dignity. I will not die all chopped up and suffering from chemo. As I said in my last post, I'm not going to CTB but this life isn't worth fighting for either.

 

[scarecrowbubu]

I'm sorry to hear you had to went though all this. You have my admiration and respect. May your friend be finally at peace, don't feel sad that you weren't there be happy that she is finally at peace. If you need someone to talk to I'm available, hope I can make your situation weight less on you. For now I wish you the best and hope that you get peace.

 

[NambaSutra]

It's not even legally suicide to refuse treatment for a deadly disease. You can tell the doctors you're refusing treatment and that you want to be made comfortable.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's so sad. I'm so sorry and utterly disgusted by the person who did that to you. I just don't understand how people can justify it to themselves to ruin someone elses life like that. I'm so sorry. I don't blame you for not wanting to undergo treatment/surgery. This life just makes me despair.

 

[Valky]

I am so so incredibly sorry. I really wish you all the strength and I am so sorry for your loss :(

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to endure, this world where people suffer all through no fault of their own undeniably is such a hellish place. But anyway I wish you the best.