well i'm fucked

[parader]

i want to ctb so much rn and i have the means (+180 primidone tablets of 100mg each) drank a buch of vodka and took some great antiemetics because of if earlier just for drinking fun

and yet there's a desperate clinging to life, maybe SI? something begging me to hold on for just one more second, one more minute, one more night

i know i'm being impulsive, i know tomorrow i won't feel this urge to ctb in a hurry, but now it's all i can think of, it'd be so peaceful

 

[breadbaker1025]

imo i would not unplanned, just randomly try to, and things are not in place for your passing, are they?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

As a fellow "drinker" I have drunk 15 beers right now if you need to talk just say so (PM)

 

[ToTheTwillight]

The thing to be careful about being impulsive is that you are more likely to fail and potentially suffer permanent damages as you may be susceptible to doing it more wrong what it takes to CTB. Not gonna encourage you to do it if it's not something you normally feel like and it's just impulsive, but you should stick to either planning on doing it or not, not in the whim of a moment to avoid what I just mentioned. Good luck either way!

 

[parader]

imo i would not unplanned, just randomly try to, and things are not in place for your passing, are they?

not at all in place, i can't plan to ctb because most of the time i manage to feel hopeful and optimistic, but when i don't... damn it gets really dangerous
everytime i ended up in the ER and ICU was because of impulsive decisions, i know this much primidone can end me, but i can't control the setting i'm in rn

As a fellow "drinker" I have drunk 15 beers right now if you need to talk just say so (PM)

alcoholism will be de death of me, thank you for the support truly <3 i just really don't know what to talk about

The thing to be careful about being impulsive is that you are more likely to fail and potentially suffer permanent damages as you may be susceptible to doing it more wrong what it takes to CTB. Not gonna encourage you to do it if it's not something you normally feel like and it's just impulsive, but you should stick to either planning on doing it or not, not in the whim of a moment to avoid what I just mentioned. Good luck either way!

i'm usually terrified of this, but rn everything seems so dark that even if i end up as a vegetable it sound better in my mind
i know it'll pass and it's impulsivity driven, i know i don't mean what i said deep down, but it's all i can feel in this moment

 

[TheGoodGuy]

not at all in place, i can't plan to ctb because most of the time i manage to feel hopeful and optimistic, but when i don't... damn it gets really dangerous
everytime i ended up in the ER and ICU was because of impulsive decisions, i know this much primidone can end me, but i can't control the setting i'm in rn

I got to second this even while i am drunk now as shit I will say this don´t do it on impulse if you haven´t done the research, I don´t know if this will work as I said I am very drunk but truly do your research not because I want you to survive to suffer another day but I don´t want you to suffer from a failed attempt so please do your research so you don´t suffer a potential horrible death.

alcoholism will be de death of me, thank you for the support truly <3 i just really don't know what to talk about

If you don´t want to talk it´s fine you could also write to me in PM if you feel to just vent. Or maybe not at all it´s all up to you I am no pro-lifer by any means but I don´t want people to suffer from impulse decisions and not that I think impulse decisions is a bad idea just the ones that hasn´t been thought out.

 

[parader]

edit: actually i'm not sure 18g (180 tablets of 100mg) of primidone could be fatal in my case, i'm rather small and drank quite a lot too, also i can take over 30 tablets of 10mg valium
if it helps, i'm just being impulsive and desperate, it's not ideal, i'm just desperate really

I got to second this even while i am drunk now as shit I will say this don´t do it on impulse if you haven´t done the research, I don´t know if this will work as I said I am very drunk but truly do your research not because I want you to survive to suffer another day but I don´t want you to suffer from a failed attempt so please do your research so you don´t suffer a potential horrible death.


If you don´t want to talk it´s fine you could also write to me in PM if you feel to just vent. Or maybe not at all it´s all up to you I am no pro-lifer by any means but I don´t want people to suffer from impulse decisions and not that I think impulse decisions is a bad idea just the ones that hasn´t been thought out.

the second time i went to the ICU every doctor wanted to commit me to the psych ward for god knows how long
the only psychiatrist against it said that he would stand by my decision to not get admitted only if i committed to stop drinking
in his words, alcohol makes me impulsive, and impulsivity makes me dangerously suicidal
it made perfect sense, but here i am
i'm fully aware that i'm being impulsive and the consequences might be dire, i just don't seem to care
everything seems better than the situation i got myself into, even though i know is a silly one

 

[TheGoodGuy]

edit: actually i'm not sure 18g (180 tablets of 100mg) of primidone could be fatal in my case, i'm rather small and drank quite a lot too, also i can take over 30 tablets of 10mg valium
if it helps, i'm just being impulsive and desperate, it's not ideal, i'm just desperate really

I really don´t think you should try this without having researched som stuff at least, I don´t anything about this drug but maybe you just enjoy this buzz/high tonight and research tomorrow or whenever you feel not hungover. Again I am not trying to talk you out of cbt life is just suffering but just do the research first because no one deserves to suffer more than they need to.

 

[MiMif]

i want to ctb so much rn and i have the means (+180 primidone tablets of 100mg each) drank a buch of vodka and took some great antiemetics because of if earlier just for drinking fun

and yet there's a desperate clinging to life, maybe SI? something begging me to hold on for just one more second, one more minute, one more night

i know i'm being impulsive, i know tomorrow i won't feel this urge to ctb in a hurry, but now it's all i can think of, it'd be so peaceful

Honestly I don't fell anyone should make a decision to ctb until atleast age 25. But thats just me. If you feel you won't feel like ctbing tommorow just get away from whatever you can do it with and watch some anime.

Or better yet watch something sad that you can relate to and cry it out. I can recommend some things if you want.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Honestly I don't fell anyone should make a decision to ctb until atleast age 25. But thats just me. If you feel you won't feel like ctbing tommorow just get away from whatever you can do it with and watch some anime.

Or better yet watch something sad that you can relate to and cry it out. I can recommend some things if you want.

I don´t get why though. If I had ctb at 14 I had saved myself from 15 years of suffering, age really isn´t a number that defines who should be able to ecape suffering <3

 

[MiMif]

I don´t get why though. If I had ctb at 14 I had saved myself from 15 years of suffering, age really isn´t a number that defines who should be able to ecape suffering <3

Yeah I know but it's just apparently the brain stops developing at 25. So I feel like 25 is the best age to really be compeltly sure of your decision.

Though ofcourse again that's just me and my thoughts. I'll probably hold off until 25...hopefully but sometimes I act on instinct so I'm not sure but I'll try.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

eah I know but it's just apparently the brain stops developing at 25. So I feel like 25 is the best age to really be compeltly sure of your decision.

You´re preaching to the wrong choir, if you looke up any of my rants about age and ctb you would know how I would accept everyone ctb at a young age.

 

[parader]

I really don´t think you should try this without having researched som stuff at least, I don´t anything about this drug but maybe you just enjoy this buzz/high tonight and research tomorrow or whenever you feel not hungover. Again I am not trying to talk you out of cbt life is just suffering but just do the research first because no one deserves to suffer more than they need to.

i think i've done quite a bit of research but maybe not enough?
primidone is a barbiturate with no antidote or ceiling effect, i have no built-up tolerance to it and 180 tablets seems like maybe enough
(i took 4 of them once and could barely stand up)
alcohol is a booster, it works by the same means, so does valium, even though valium has a ceiling effect it's not there as the main character i guess
i understand your hesitation and i'm grateful for it, deep down i know i don't want to truly do this right now, i'm just really sad and desperate

Honestly I don't fell anyone should make a decision to ctb until atleast age 25. But thats just me. If you feel you won't feel like ctbing tommorow just get away from whatever you can do it with and watch some anime.

Or better yet watch something sad that you can relate to and cry it out. I can recommend some things if you want.

i'm 29 :'')
and yes, i'll just try to manage it somehow, maybe take enough valium to just sleep a dreamless night and regret everything tomorrow but in a sober way

 

[MiMif]

You´re preaching to the wrong choir, if you looke up any of my rants about age and ctb you would know how I would accept everyone ctb at a young age.

Yeah Ok everyone is free to an opinion. I half agree if I ctbed when I was younger I wouldn't feel like this and I wouldn't feel like a burden to others anymore. But still when I try I'm too much of a coward and never fully go through.

So I'm going to wait though ofcourse not everyone had to. Just sharing my opinion.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

i think i've done quite a bit of research but maybe not enough?
primidone is a barbiturate with no antidote or ceiling effect, i have no built-up tolerance to it and 180 tablets seems like maybe enough
(i took 4 of them once and could barely stand up)
alcohol is a booster, it works by the same means, so does valium, even though valium has a ceiling effect it's not there as the main character i guess
i understand your hesitation and i'm grateful for it, deep down i know i don't want to truly do this right now, i'm just really sad and desperate

Bartiturates do seem to be able to do the job but do you know if you know anti-emetics I am just asking because I don´t really don´t I know you can ctb on barbiturates but don´t know if it requires anti-emitics that is why I am asking not to prevent you to ctb I just don´t anyone to suffer as mentioned. And if you´re not sure if you want to do this right now then why not just at least post-phoned it a few days to get your research in order and of course always feel free to PM if you feel like you want to talk I get how it can feel to doubt yourself <3

 

[parader]

Bartiturates do seem to be able to do the job but do you know if you know anti-emetics I am just asking because I don´t really don´t I know you can ctb on barbiturates but don´t know if it requires anti-emitics that is why I am asking not to prevent you to ctb I just don´t anyone to suffer as mentioned. And if you´re not sure if you want to do this right now then why not just at least post-phoned it a few days to get your research in order and of course always feel free to PM if you feel like you want to talk I get how it can feel to doubt yourself <3

primidone makes me quite nauseous so anti-emetics are a must for me
fortunately i have a lot of strong ones at hands reach, and took quite a lot to deal with the vodka binge already
and yes, actually i'm sure i don't want it now, i just don't see any other way
i just need to hold on for tonight, just for this night for now
thank you for being so open, maybe i'll pm you tomorrow, talk boring stories about ex-lovers and such
right now i'm just a mess who can't remember the basics of english language, (it's not my mother tongue, probably obvious by now
i'm just rambling really in the hopes of distracting myself
thank you all for helping me on this

 

[TheGoodGuy]

primidone makes me quite nauseous so anti-emetics are a must for me
fortunately i have a lot of strong ones at hands reach, and took quite a lot to deal with the vodka binge already
and yes, actually i'm sure i don't want it now, i just don't see any other way
i just need to hold on for tonight, just for this night for now
thank you for being so open, maybe i'll pm you tomorrow, talk boring stories about ex-lovers and such
right now i'm just a mess who can't remember the basics of english language, (it's not my mother tongue, probably obvious by now
i'm just rambling really in the hopes of distracting myself
thank you all for helping me on this

I am glad to help you witcher way YOU prefer I am not her to talk you out of ctb I just dont want anyone to suffer so if you need to sleep this one out it´s alright don´t ever think you´re not allowed to. In general people on this forum are so understanding and get if you are feeling very bad one day and want to take it all back the next day it´s alright we get it you want to end the pain but it´s really hard to to and you might be able to eventually but as long as you´re here we´re here for you <3

 

[parader]

I am glad to help you witcher way YOU prefer I am not her to talk you out of ctb I just dont want anyone to suffer so if you need to sleep this one out it´s alright don´t ever think you´re not allowed to. In general people on this forum are so understanding and get if you are feeling very bad one day and want to take it all back the next day it´s alright we get it you want to end the pain but it´s really hard to to and you might be able to eventually but as long as you´re here we´re here for you <3

thank you so much, i'm quite sure i'll ctb one day, but i don't want it to be an abrupt decision that causes so much harm because someone broke my heart and i was drunk at night
i can talk freely here, and i'm also here for you all whenever i can