Story Well I’d be damned.

[Nature_is_God]

I might actually follow through with CTB soon. This time, I know I'm serious because I'm getting the gun, can't get my mind off of it, and I'm having bad death anxiety for the first time in my life. The phrase "nobody is scared of dead until you're standing face to face with it" seems like it's manifesting itself in my mind. I don't have any date set but I know it'll be sooner than later. There is nothing I'm more passionate about than this idea of nihilism in my head. What am I waiting for in life? All lives end with death and there's a whole lot of suffering between birth and death. I don't want to last several more decades, no thanks. I'm packing my bags.

 

[Deathbydemo]

May you find eternal peace with zero suffering in whatever comes next.

 

[peacechoice]

Good luck OP. I hope your suffering is relieved soon. You are in my thoughts.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish you peace.

 

[AJ95]

I might actually follow through with CTB soon. This time, I know I'm serious because I'm getting the gun, can't get my mind off of it, and I'm having bad death anxiety for the first time in my life. The phrase "nobody is scared of dead until you're standing face to face with it" seems like it's manifesting itself in my mind. I don't have any date set but I know it'll be sooner than later. There is nothing I'm more passionate about than this idea of nihilism in my head. What am I waiting for in life? All lives end with death and there's a whole lot of suffering between birth and death. I don't want to last several more decades, no thanks. I'm packing my bags.

Hope you find peace friend

Hugs.

 

[Dark Spring]

I hope you find peace and good luck in your journey

 

[sadworld]

Hopefully it will all work out. Good luck

 

[TooConscious]

If I had access to a firearm my duck would be like a loose hosepipe turned on spraying cum everywhere.
You lucky sod.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I can relate. I bought my first gun with every intention of using it as soon as I got it home. The lady owner of the gun shop was such a cool character, by the time I left there with the pistol, I had changed my mind.

I decided to learn how to use it properly so signed up for a shooting class. Had a blast (sorry). Now I take private shooting lessons every week, have bought two more pistols, it has become a hobby, something to look forward to. Buying a gun to kill myself has, at least for now, given me a reason to live. And maybe that sense of power while holding a loaded gun has helped. I no longer feel powerless and fearful.

Life is so strange sometimes. I know how you feel and hope you find whatever works for you.

 

[Lilacmoon]

No, no, no, I wanted to go before you man. :(

I'll miss you. Good luck and swift peaceful journey. Rest, okay friend?

 

[braketimez]

I might actually follow through with CTB soon. This time, I know I'm serious because I'm getting the gun, can't get my mind off of it, and I'm having bad death anxiety for the first time in my life. The phrase "nobody is scared of dead until you're standing face to face with it" seems like it's manifesting itself in my mind. I don't have any date set but I know it'll be sooner than later. There is nothing I'm more passionate about than this idea of nihilism in my head. What am I waiting for in life? All lives end with death and there's a whole lot of suffering between birth and death. I don't want to last several more decades, no thanks. I'm packing my bags.

love you, man.

 

[Metalhead]

wishing you a peaceful journey

 

[Lordsudbury]

I have faced death many times and it is a sobering experience. That said if I could buy a gun id be first in line. Good luck

 

[TotalPOS]

What is it that is pushing you to such a sense of urgency at the moment, if you care to share? What is so bad the time is upon you?

 

[Meditation guide]

The lady owner of the gun shop was such a cool character, by the time I left there with the pistol, I had changed my mind.

It sounds like life handed you a get out of misery free card. Sometimes just having contact with certain magical people
can turn our lives around. They are rare but seem to come along when all seems lost.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

It sounds like life handed you a get out of misery free card. Sometimes just having contact with certain magical people
can turn our lives around. They are rare but seem to come along when all seems lost.

I agree with you. I met a wonderful person years ago when I had suicidal thoughts often, and all of my misery went away as I was granted a reason to live. Although here I am as you can see, so it did not last, but misery loves my company as it seems. I'm glad I could experience all those things however, even if it was only for some time.

 

[Nature_is_God]

What is it that is pushing you to such a sense of urgency at the moment, if you care to share? What is so bad the time is upon you?

I don't know, I guess I'm just tired of waiting. Mental suffering isn't worth living with.

 

[degeneratewaste]

fuck man. i'll miss having you round in chat. you have been a pleasure to speak with and i'll miss your kendrick spamming. i hope your pain ends seamlessly. lots of love coming your way.

 

[TotalPOS]

It is my strong conviction that your torment will be no less in the world to come, you'd just be free from the complications of this world, but have to engage with those that greet you in your new surroundings,

 

[Nature_is_God]

It is my strong conviction that your torment will be no less in the world to come, you'd just be free from the complications of this world, but have to engage with those that greet you in your new surroundings,

You believe in reincarnation?

 

[TotalPOS]

Not in the sense we come back as something else. I believe our spirits separate from our bodies. Like the body is the glove, the spirit the hand. Without the hand the glove is lifeless. We remain ourselves. Fairly standard Christian belief.

 

[Nature_is_God]

Not in the sense we come back as something else. I believe our spirits separate from our bodies. Like the body is the glove, the spirit the hand. Without the hand the glove is lifeless. We remain ourselves. Fairly standard Christian belief.

Interesting perspective.

I might actually follow through with CTB soon. This time, I know I'm serious because I'm getting the gun, can't get my mind off of it, and I'm having bad death anxiety for the first time in my life. The phrase "nobody is scared of dead until you're standing face to face with it" seems like it's manifesting itself in my mind. I don't have any date set but I know it'll be sooner than later. There is nothing I'm more passionate about than this idea of nihilism in my head. What am I waiting for in life? All lives end with death and there's a whole lot of suffering between birth and death. I don't want to last several more decades, no thanks. I'm packing my bags.

I just wanted to tell everyone that this isn't my goodbye thread. I'll make sure to say goodbye when the time comes.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm in the same situation I think, but with SN which I have now. Like you, I don't have a specific date in mind, but it's impossible for me to get my mind off of it. Whenever that final day comes, I hope you find the peace you are after.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@Nature_is_God,

May I ask what kind of gun you have your eye on?

 

[whywere]

Wishing you all the love and peace in this world. I hope you find the relief that lasting happiness that you so desire.

 

[Nature_is_God]

Update: I'm not gonna do it and I'm gonna leave this site for a while. I learned a lot from this painful experience. I guess my body rather suffer than be free.