In a way I feel like that's putting so much on another. I have breakdowns every once in a while. My mind isn't stable or in control a lot and Ive always told people, you have to love yourself enough for both of you. It's not fair for one person to be the reason your living (I'm not saying he is cause it's still new) but. I dunno. Maybe I'm just rambling. Maybe you're right and I can learn to love myself. It just seems like a task and a half. Not to mention my utter lack of being able to keep a job. I don't know how to get over that. I'm 21 years old, started working at 17 and I've gotten fired from 98% of the jobs I've had and it's a lot. Saying it sounds so dumb but I want to have a happy life, a stable job that I can keep for more then 2 months. It seems no matter how hard I try, nothing works out for me.
Not to be combative, but entirely as an intellectual discussion: I don't know that I agree with "you have to love yourself enough for both of you." I've never been able to love myself, but I do know that the closest I've come was when I was in a good relationship with positive feedback from my beloved. It made me feel important and worthwhile and good, because I was
part of something that was important and worthwhile and good. My self-respect, self-esteem, and self-confidence were much, much higher than at any other time in my life. Nothing was perfect, and I would never have said that I loved myself, but I was very proud of who I was and what I could bring to the partnership. It was incredibly fulfilling, despite my depression (and my ex's awareness and tolerance of it). If this new relationship you have offers you some of that, might it be a good way to bootstrap yourself into a state approximating self-love?
And yes, it'll be a task and a half! No doubt about that. But maybe worth it?
As for whether it's "fair," fair is highly subjective. If I have a million dollars and I'm starving, and you have truck full of food but need money for the truck repairs so you can survive financially, is it fair for you to ask me $1000 for a meal? You have what I need; I have what you need and can lose it without harm to me. Win/win. He thinks well of you and takes comfort from your presence in his life. Is it worth it to him to help you climb out of a hole? If he says yes, then it's fair.
I suppose I should ask: have you found a job you love and been fired from it? If you've only been fired from jobs-for-the-sake-of-jobs, I wouldn't lose too much sleep. Yes, it can be devastating to self-esteem --whoo-ee, do I know that one!-- but give yourself some time. I don't mean to be a Pollyanna, but I wouldn't sweat the job situation. Not at 21. Hell, at 21 I was freelancing teaching rock climbing in the winter, living on ramen noodles and PowerBars, and stuffing bait-bags on lobsterboats in the summer. Hardly careers with much future. Things can get better.
Anyway, I'm just tossing annoyingly optimistic, dangerously pro-life ideas out there because I think someone I think well of --you!-- may have stumbled upon a seed of potential happiness, and I'd hate to see you walk away from it if there's a chance it could grow into something worthwhile. You deserve better than you think you do.
Whatever you decide to do after consideration, you know yourself better than I do, and I can't fault you for your decision.
