Method Weird fishes feared wishes

[plurkid]

This is me venting and getting my thoughts out in front of people because I can't do it in real life. I've listened to this song for over a decade but only now is it giving me the best idea I can think of. I'm not interested in recovery topics anymore.



Listened to weird fishes again. I think I'm finally settling in my decisions to die, I'm not doing it today because idk when but the feeling finally came to me and it's telling me yes this is what will happen. I keep telling myself over the years "yeah but there's still the good things in life, you can hold on to those" but I cant anymore. This emptiness, fear, self hate, guilt, its almost spiritual now. It is every part of my life, my dreams, my work, my relationships, everything. I can't hide it anymore. Last night I did an experimental test talk to my old therapist (he's actually my boss now lol) , he wasn't actually there, I was just talking to myself to hear what I might say to him, and it didn't help. He's the one person I know I trust and would listen to but I learned It still wouldn't stop me. I want to die, I don't care about how that effects others anymore, I just want this to end. I think I want to most poetic, true to my nature death available and it looks like that's by drowning. Nobody will see, ill get eaten up by the fishes and my world will cease to exist and I'll escape. I thought it would be scary for a long time, that drowning isn't an instant death and takes awhile and that can be painful and unpleasant way to die but I think I'm in that place where that's okay. Maybe my will to live and my survival instinct are suppressed enough to not care about pain. But listen to weird fishes by radio head, it perfectly summarizes the death I want and how I feel. I don't have a date or a when but I finally have a how and the will to do it.

 

[anonymousanguish]

First of all, thanks for sharing the song. I've never heard it before, and I find it very beautiful.

It's odd, to me it's obviously about death (it seems you feel the same), but when I looked online to see what people say about it the majority of people seem to interpret it as being about love or some type of romantic relationship. The "you" being referenced in the song seems to be generally understood as belonging to a person. I, however, interpret it as an anthropomorphic description of death/suicide.

Regardless, I think the lyrics are great; the melody is pleasant and blissful but almost hauntingly so; and the vocals seem to match perfectly. I don't know anything about your circumstances, but I hope you are able to find your peace whether it be in life or death.

 

[plurkid]

First of all, thanks for sharing the song. I've never heard it before, and I find it very beautiful.

It's odd, to me it's obviously about death (it seems you feel the same), but when I looked online to see what people say about it the majority of people seem to interpret it as being about love or some type of romantic relationship. The "you" being referenced in the song seems to be generally understood as belonging to a person. I, however, interpret it as an anthropomorphic description of death/suicide.

Regardless, I think the lyrics are great; the melody is pleasant and blissful but almost hauntingly so; and the vocals seem to match perfectly. I don't know anything about your circumstances, but I hope you are able to find your peace whether it be in life or death.

Yeah, I mean i understand music is meant to be up to interpretation but this one sounds, feels and speaks as if there's no hope at the end, that the escape is truly an escape, death isn't to be feared anymore.
Even though it's said to be one of the most uncomfortable deaths, as long as it doesn't take an absurd amount of time to go unconscious and there's a 100% succes rate, death is death and escape is escape forever. Its wierd, I'm feeling oddly optimistic about it. Anyways, thanks, I appreciate that you took the time to listen to the song and feel my feelings.