Weird cycle of friends/not having friends

[Ariii]

Over the past few years, I've noticed a weird cycle when it comes to my social life. I'll go months without having friends at all before I get lonely. Then I'll find at least one, stay friends with them for around 2-6 months, until talking to them starts feeling like a chore. Then I'll eventually drift from them and stop taking and repeat. Even if I "take a break" or start talking to them less, it still feels like an obligation rather than something I enjoy. I feel selfish for dropping my former friends so quickly, and I do wish I could have a long-lasting connection, but I just can't.

I've consider the possibility of me having either autism or schizoid pd, but I don't think I fit the criteria that well. With autism, I lack all of the sensory and routine-based symptoms. And with schizoid pd, I do occasionally enjoy human interaction and I can feel connection to some degree.

Does anyone know what this could be caused by, or if it's just part of my personality? And does anyone know of a way to fix it? I feel like I'm hurting the people I become friends with, and they're all great people too, but if I keep trying to talk to them, even the thought of them existing makes me want to destroy my phone and barricade my house.

 

[dreamcatcher90]

I would try my best to maintain the connections with friends. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Soon you'll understand that the older you get, the fewer friends you have and it's getting tough even making new ones.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is kinda relatable. I haven't ever made any irl friends but I know that, if I were to make one, I'd get exhausted to talk to them then I'd wish for a new one and the cycle repeats

 

[Ariii]

I would try my best to maintain the connections with friends. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Soon you'll understand that the older you get, the fewer friends you have and it's getting tough even making new ones.

Thanks, I'll try my best to do so when I can

 

[Arahant]

Well, what would it take for you to enjoy connection and friendship so much you felt drawn toward it?

Or is there something stopping you from it, like depression or anxiety?

Some people are just kind of potato brains when it comes to befriending and relationships.
If they are passive participants, it can feel like a tennis match where you only serve the ball over and never have it returned.
Nobody cares to be in that situation.

 

[Ariii]

Well, what would it take for you to enjoy connection and friendship so much you felt drawn toward it?

Or is there something stopping you from it, like depression or anxiety?

Some people are just kind of potato brains when it comes to befriending and relationships.
If they are passive participants, it can feel like a tennis match where you only serve the ball over and never have it returned.
Nobody cares to be in that situation.

I think usually it's just the ability to talk to someone freely, since usually it's pretty hard for me to do. And no, I don't think it's anything depression or anxiety related

 

[Arahant]

I would be happy to let you talk freely. DMs are always open.
I know it's not the same as in person tho.