Help Websites for hosting a suicide note?

[PlutonianRooster]

It only gets worse for me. I've run out of directions to flee from it; I've run out of people to beg for hope. I thought I'd only be wrestling with passive ideation for life - not to say it's any less of a mountain to climb - but as it turns out, it doesn't take much to topple over the shitty little block tower of copes I'd built up.

I've been thinking of leaving an archive of all the things I enjoyed and all the dreams I never got to see through. There were fleeting but good things in my life (if only they stayed, I might not be here). I want to preserve them. (As for the things that drove me to this point - I'm on the fence between the humiliation of exposing my pain and the suffocating silence of taking it to the grave.)
Is anyone else planning to leave a similar suicide note online? Or, does anyone know a good option for it? I would want a site where it'll last a while - no account deletion after inactivity, no hyper-moderation of content so that any mention of suicide gets snuffed. All I can think of is blogspot.

I still don't know if I really have the balls to go through with it. I'm weak to guilt, and even though my family is a source of my pain, I'm hesitant to return it. Their lives have suffered from their choices, too. But living for other people - who make things no easier for me - can only substitute so much of a broken engine.
Ironically, writing a note might preserve me longer. I don't have friends or any other potential outlets anymore. Pain needs to go somewhere, and writing to nobody is limited in what it can do, but it's something, I guess.

I can't use the search function, so I don't know if this question has been asked too often. I never saw it come up while lurking.

 

[Phasmid]

I am planning on hosting the note on Google Docs, and then posting the link on my Discord profile since that's where most people that I'd care to share the note with are.

I don't think there would be many options that it wouldn't ultimately get deleted just due to its contents. but with Google Docs I assume it'd take slightly longer and give folks a chance to download it should they wish to.

 

[idhayam]

If you want your suicide note to be private, you could schedule an email to everyone who you'd like to see your note to for a future date. I'm not sure on how SaSu's website links rules works but there is a website called _ent_y (same letter fills both spaces) which is relaxed on rules, but the maximum period of inactivity is a year before someone could claim the URL in which your post is on.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm in a similar position. May I ask - why do you say Blogspot? Thank you

 

[Mäximum]

Host your own website? There, you can post whatever you want.

 

[avalokitesvara]

I'm pretty sure you can make a password-protected Tumblr blog. You could send out the link and the password. Tumblr is not really moderated and old blogs don't get deleted afaik.

 

[nuclearnebula]

Host your own website? There, you can post whatever you want.

Buy a domain on cloudflare for $10 a year.

Make a cloudflare worker that sends them to one page if it's before a date and another if it's after a date. On the first page you add a countdown and have it refresh at 0. On the second page you put your note.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My plan would be to send my notes as attachments to my solicitor in a delayed email. They'll be having to contact those people anyway. But then, I'm not planing to write all that much or make them all that personal. It's trickier for everyone I know finding out though. Sometimes I wonder if they ever will. To some people, it will be more like I just disappear maybe.

Your thread really resonated with me. Especially the part about the toppling tower of copes. Also, your family being a source of pain but your reluctance to return it. I'm sorry life has brought you to this point.

 

[Mäximum]

Buy a domain on cloudflare for $10 a year.

You don't even necessarily have to pay for a domain. GitHub Pages offers one free Website on their servers. Lot's of good tutorials on YouTube. The domain won't be as beautiful as others, but I don't think that should be a priority.

 

[dontwakemeup]

So I'm a small youtuber and my account is just silly stuff nothing personal. My initial goal was to discuss my reasons why and tell my truth for my kids to see and understand when I'm gone. I never had the courage to do so.

One day I was searching amazon and a small audio recorder was suggested and I thought perfect! I purchased the recorder and I record whatever I'm thinking, how my day was, my bad days and I explain exactly how I'm feeling. I just hope when I'm gone they will receive it and can listen and understand the struggles of my life and walk with me as I navigate life.

I highly suggest this to everyone. It brings me comfort and easier than writing in a diary. I find it very therapeutic and it relaxes me. Maybe this can help you. Idk. Just a thought.

 

[PlutonianRooster]

I am planning on hosting the note on Google Docs, and then posting the link on my Discord profile since that's where most people that I'd care to share the note with are.

I don't think there would be many options that it wouldn't ultimately get deleted just due to its contents. but with Google Docs I assume it'd take slightly longer and give folks a chance to download it should they wish to.

If you want your suicide note to be private, you could schedule an email to everyone who you'd like to see your note to for a future date. I'm not sure on how SaSu's website links rules works but there is a website called _ent_y (same letter fills both spaces) which is relaxed on rules, but the maximum period of inactivity is a year before someone could claim the URL in which your post is on.

I'm pretty sure you can make a password-protected Tumblr blog. You could send out the link and the password. Tumblr is not really moderated and old blogs don't get deleted afaik.

Buy a domain on cloudflare for $10 a year.

Make a cloudflare worker that sends them to one page if it's before a date and another if it's after a date. On the first page you add a countdown and have it refresh at 0. On the second page you put your note.

You don't even necessarily have to pay for a domain. GitHub Pages offers one free Website on their servers. Lot's of good tutorials on YouTube. The domain won't be as beautiful as others, but I don't think that should be a priority.

Thank you all for the advice.

I'm in a similar position. May I ask - why do you say Blogspot? Thank you

I named blogspot just because I used it a few years ago and am a little familiar with it. The other suggestions in this thread are probably better suited.

My plan would be to send my notes as attachments to my solicitor in a delayed email. They'll be having to contact those people anyway. But then, I'm not planing to write all that much or make them all that personal. It's trickier for everyone I know finding out though. Sometimes I wonder if they ever will. To some people, it will be more like I just disappear maybe.

Your thread really resonated with me. Especially the part about the toppling tower of copes. Also, your family being a source of pain but your reluctance to return it. I'm sorry life has brought you to this point.

I'm sorry that we have to meet in shared pain. I hope that, in one way or another, our futures hold peace.

So I'm a small youtuber and my account is just silly stuff nothing personal. My initial goal was to discuss my reasons why and tell my truth for my kids to see and understand when I'm gone. I never had the courage to do so.

One day I was searching amazon and a small audio recorder was suggested and I thought perfect! I purchased the recorder and I record whatever I'm thinking, how my day was, my bad days and I explain exactly how I'm feeling. I just hope when I'm gone they will receive it and can listen and understand the struggles of my life and walk with me as I navigate life.

I highly suggest this to everyone. It brings me comfort and easier than writing in a diary. I find it very therapeutic and it relaxes me. Maybe this can help you. Idk. Just a thought.

I want to record voice clips for the milestones of people I would leave behind, or simply so they can still hear me say 'I love you' whenever they need it, but just the idea makes me choke up. Doing it makes me feel guilty; not doing it makes me feel guiltier.
But I'm glad that you can find comfort in it (I say that genuinely - I often sound sarcastic when I don't mean to).
I wish the best for you and your kids.

 

[ItsyBitsyWeetard]

i had the exact same question im just responding so i can follow the thread

You don't even necessarily have to pay for a domain. GitHub Pages offers one free Website on their servers. Lot's of good tutorials on YouTube. The domain won't be as beautiful as others, but I don't think that should be a priority.

do u think i could make my website then include that in a linktreee then put the linktree in my insta bio so people can find it or perhaps my whatsapp bio too