Kind of. But I always just knew that things wouldn't get better.
It's more the thought of my family that's held me back soooo many times. But underneath all of that 'false hope', I see my situation for what it is; hopeless.
I also fear having others find out I attempted(if I fail). My body may be screwed up, but I'd have to get home from the hotel room, which would be hard if I'm still sickly(especially if I can't walk). If my family found out that I'm not still asleep in my bedroom, but rather I'm missing, it'll be a hella awkward conversation there.
Sorry about your situation man. You're welcome to pm me any time, if you need to talk more. I will just listen and respond, with no judgement.
Best wishes.