we are always going to want just a little longer.

[MicahBell]

Some days I feel like i can't take the suffering and repetitive, mind numbing boredom my life has become. and yet for some reason i find myself unable to end it.

i always have some reason. some arbitrary thing to look forward after which i foolishly anticipate my temperament will have changed. "after this, i'll go out on a good note". and i never do. i dont know how to stop being afraid.

 

[pauly369]

I get it.
Its completely natural to feel the way that you do.
Ive tried ctb in the past but it was only after I travelled into the pit of despair.
When you finally and truly cant take anymore, the fear diminishes.

 

[finallydone]

fighting millions of years of evolution towards survival is pretty difficult to beat, that's why we keep on being tortured by neither getting what want in life or having the peace of death

 

[FishRain3469]

Same for me, I'm absolutely terrified. =/ Fml

 

[Lo$t95]

It's the self-doubt and fear of messing up that seems impossible to tame reliably. It's exhausting constantly having the same conversation with yourself talking yourself through the method and rehearsing the steps needed for me. Then there is the guilt / paranoia/ shame that sits on top of loneliness and sometimes I conclude I must be a masochist how bad I get paralysed by it sometimes.

 

[xan1495]

Same here, I'm sure the rest of my life will be just as shitty as ever, but I'm sometimes curious to know how it will be.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Hope has been my greatest obstacle—besides minimal distractions or the fear of my exit being painful.

 

[Lo$t95]

Same here, I'm sure the rest of my life will be just as shitty as ever, but I'm sometimes curious to know how it will be.

Like morbid curiosity?

"Hmmm I wonder what state the world will be in by 2030 "

honestly doubt will be missing much just another financial collapse a major war between China/USA and then really dystopian levels of government control over our lives. Sites like these won't exist that's for sure.

 

[Corvette90]

I'm kind of in this situation. There is always someones birthday, some appointment or some favour i need to do. There are things that I need to tie up for my close family. But if I really put my mind to it , I could accomplish ctb in April/May like i originally had in mind. This is now frustrating for myself. I'm a procrastinator in general. How long can I go on like this on a merry-go-round? Not sure... The fact that methods in the future probably will be harder to obtain is pushing me a bit faster.
I am not sure if its fear in my case why I'm still here; as i have exhausted all my fearful thoughts. Maybe I'm delusional and there is still a glimmer of hope that things will get better. Reality is, that is unlikely and I'm just dragging this out.

 

[Halfhourdays]

There's no shame in changing your mind.

 

[Lo$t95]

I'm kind of in this situation. There is always someones birthday, some appointment or some favour i need to do. There are things that I need to tie up for my close family. But if I really put my mind to it , I could accomplish ctb in April/May like i originally had in mind. This is now frustrating for myself. I'm a procrastinator in general. How long can I go on like this on a merry-go-round? Not sure... The fact that methods in the future probably will be harder to obtain is pushing me a bit faster.
I am not sure if its fear in my case why I'm still here; as i have exhausted all my fearful thoughts. Maybe I'm delusional and there is still a glimmer of hope that things will get better. Reality is, that is unlikely and I'm just dragging this out.

I made a thread explaining this recently but basically I am intentionally trapping myself and removing any other options so I can finally push myself to hard commit to a date. Otherwise I am trapped in this cycle of I will just get high / go to a club / chill and listen to music one more time before I go. I always regret it when the morning comes around and I am stuck sitting with guilt and negative emotions for another day. It's so tiring and I need to break the cycle.

 

[Euthanza]

I made a thread explaining this recently but basically I am intentionally trapping myself and removing any other options so I can finally push myself to hard commit to a date. Otherwise I am trapped in this cycle of I will just get high / go to a club / chill and listen to music one more time before I go. I always regret it when the morning comes around and I am stuck sitting with guilt and negative emotions for another day. It's so tiring and I need to break the cycle.

I'm also tired of same routine, life's too ordinary to be excited for

 

[Lo$t95]

I'm also tired of same routine, life's too ordinary to be excited for

It's not even like "my best years are behind me" - because they were kind of underwhelming anyways. If the future is me just getting older with the same problems then how could that possibly be better let alone worth waiting for? The world isn't improving like idgaf about the next iPhone or GTA 6 or starting a family… signing out makes me feel something like it's still a challenge that makes me feel something good or bad it's intense either way. Living does not compete.

 

[Euthanza]

It's not even like "my best years are behind me" - because they were kind of underwhelming anyways. If the future is me just getting older with the same problems then how could that possibly be better let alone worth waiting for? The world isn't improving like idgaf about the next iPhone or GTA 6 or starting a family… signing out makes me feel something like it's still a challenge that makes me feel something good or bad it's intense either way. Living does not compete.

Sometimes I get excited to know that my time is coming soon in few months. When I see elderies and I don't like that kind of life style

 

[Lo$t95]

Sometimes I get excited to know that my time is coming soon in few months. When I see elderies and I don't like that kind of life style

I can't even imagine getting old. So difficult to relate to that experience of having lived a long life and seeing the world change around you. Like are they addicted to living ? - no we have just evolved to survive and reproduce and people just go along with it without thinking.