Help Ways to keep up relationships while dead inside

[dropdeadfred]

Super struggling, y'all. I'm not even interesting to talk to anymore & people wanna talk. If I talked about what was really on my mind, they'd realize how close I am to CTB. Can't go there.
Should I just be honest about not being emotionally available, to the point where I don't even want to pick up the phone? So frustrating. It's not fair to my loved ones & I hate to damage my relationships further. Tips on how to approach this? Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Good relationships are about effort, you need to try to be there for them still

 

[Deathbydemo]

I have no idea. I'm in the same boat. I've just stopped all contact with everybody outside of family - and kept talking with family to a minimum. They know I'm not in a good place but don't realise the extent of it. Speak to who you want to and when. You don't have to be always available to respond to everyone at all times.
Also side note, I LOVE your username!

 

[dropdeadfred]

Good relationships are about effort, you need to try to be there for them still

I want that too, but it's sooo dark in here, bro. I struggle to even keep my sanity. Maybe I should just be honest with them about my extremely limited emotional availability. Thanks for replying.

 

[LonelyNick]

I slowly stopped talking to people and now I just reply when people reach out to me which they rarely do because they're all used to me reaching out.

It all fades away when you're dead inside.

 

[Lmd]

tell them how you feel. They'll understand

 

[Deleted member 22624]

tell them how you feel. They'll understand

True to a point, but people need things and time is limited, compassion only stretches so far, relationships can only take so much strain, it's a balancing act, how much capacity can you spare? How much of their well-being etc are you willing to trade for your own? Only you can decide

 

[Lmd]

True to a point, but people need things and time is limited, compassion only stretches so far, relationships can only take so much strain, it's a balancing act, how much capacity can you spare? How much of their well-being etc are you willing to trade for your own? Only you can decide

Yes of course but if you suddenly dissapear or change people will think it's their fault. Better to clarify some points so people can know. Telling they need time doesn't mean they will banish or something. Just means that they need time and they will come when they can

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think it would be great to set a temporary emotional boundary, to say, "I'm not emotionally available right now, I'm going to take _____ amount of time to myself. Then I'll reevaluate how I'm feeling and update you as to whether I'm ready to reengage or need to extend. Thank you for your understanding. Ciao for niao."

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Yes of course but if you suddenly dissapear or change people will think it's their fault. Better to clarify some points so people can know. Telling they need time doesn't mean they will banish or something. Just means that they need time and they will come when they can

Very good point. I guess it's a loaded phrase, doesn't have to be ongoing. But once I started it was hard to stop, now I'm isolated from everyone, I wonder if that happens to a lot of peopl

 

[Lmd]

Very good point. I guess it's a loaded phrase, doesn't have to be ongoing. But once I started it was hard to stop, now I'm isolated from everyone, I wonder if that happens to a lot of peopl

Im trying to have more time for myself and im worried that this happens to me too. They hate you or just pass like they dont care?

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Im trying to have more time for myself and im worried that this happens to me too. They hate you or just pass like they dont care?

Yeah just no time for me, makes perfect sense, fair do's really

 

[willitpass]

i'm in the same boat. it's a little easier over text bc you can just keep things short and sweet and nobody will really notice, but i've stopped leaving my room if i can avoid it. i don't have the energy to have a conversation and pretending to be okay is so hard. i don't have the energy to fake a small and it's so hard bc all i want to talk about is how soon my bus is coming but obviously i can't. i've started skipping school and i've told my work i have to quarantine for covid so they won't expect me there for a couple weeks. i don't go out with friends anymore and i keep making excuses to my boyfriend as to why we can't hang out. it's to the point where my dad has stopped talking to me even though we live in the same house bc talking to me is too draining for him. i've burnt all my bridges and i'm not even sure if it was intentional or not, all i know is it doesn't matter bc i will be ctb very soon

 

[dropdeadfred]

i'm in the same boat. it's a little easier over text bc you can just keep things short and sweet and nobody will really notice, but i've stopped leaving my room if i can avoid it. i don't have the energy to have a conversation and pretending to be okay is so hard. i don't have the energy to fake a small and it's so hard bc all i want to talk about is how soon my bus is coming but obviously i can't. i've started skipping school and i've told my work i have to quarantine for covid so they won't expect me there for a couple weeks. i don't go out with friends anymore and i keep making excuses to my boyfriend as to why we can't hang out. it's to the point where my dad has stopped talking to me even though we live in the same house bc talking to me is too draining for him. i've burnt all my bridges and i'm not even sure if it was intentional or not, all i know is it doesn't matter bc i will be ctb very soon

I can relate so much to this. Communication used to be bearable for me & I often looked forward to it with certain people. Now, it's like they're talking to a shell: what's left of me. It's hard to hide. I wish sole texting was acceptable in my family, but nooo... everyone wants to have at least a half hour long conversation on the phone. Especially my sister, who is constantly talking to her children/correcting her toddler while we're on the phone. Sometimes, she & I run out of things to talk about anyway & there is a lot of dead air between us. I often don't get the point of our conversations because of all of that. I love her as my Earthly family member, but we are in reality, from different planets. My other sister just wants to tell me how bad life is for her & her kids when she invites her aggressive/dangerous alcoholic husband back into the house time & time again. I'm so over it. Some relationships are extra draining & ones that usually aren't are even difficult for me to maintain now, such as with my best friend. I feel like I can't play the game anymore.

 

[willitpass]

I can relate so much to this. Communication used to be bearable for me & I often looked forward to it with certain people. Now, it's like they're talking to a shell: what's left of me. It's hard to hide. I wish sole texting was acceptable in my family, but nooo... everyone wants to have at least a half hour long conversation on the phone. Especially my sister, who is constantly talking to her children/correcting her toddler while we're on the phone. Sometimes, she & I run out of things to talk about anyway & there is a lot of dead air between us. I often don't get the point of our conversations because of all of that. I love her as my Earthly family member, but we are in reality, from different planets. My other sister just wants to tell me how bad life is for her & her kids when she invites her aggressive/dangerous alcoholic husband back into the house time & time again. I'm so over it. Some relationships are extra draining & ones that usually aren't are even difficult for me to maintain now, such as with my best friend. I feel like I can't play the game anymore.

when i first started my fight with depression many many years ago i could mask it no problem. i was able to mask my depression up until this january. now i show all of the textbook signs. i isolate myself and become monotone when i speak, i don't smile and i don't laugh at jokes. i am emotionless, not even human

 

[dropdeadfred]

when i first started my fight with depression many many years ago i could mask it no problem. i was able to mask my depression up until this january. now i show all of the textbook signs. i isolate myself and become monotone when i speak, i don't smile and i don't laugh at jokes. i am emotionless, not even human

Yes, yes, & yes. I was able to wear my masks well throughout my years of depression. Never thought I'd get to a point where it would be insanely difficult to wear them anymore. I hate it! I don't want to be seen by anyone but you all. Too vulnerable for me. So refreshing to relate to someone on such a deep level.

 

[willitpass]

Yes, yes, & yes. I was able to wear my masks well throughout my years of depression. Never thought I'd get to a point where it would be insanely difficult to wear them anymore. I hate it! I don't want to be seen by anyone but you all. Too vulnerable for me. So refreshing to relate to someone on such a deep level.

it's hard to watch yourself loose everyone you care about but in some ways it's nice bc it makes the choice to ctb easier

 

[Meditation guide]

Tips on how to approach this?

Social lies can come in handy in this situation. You have been vomiting all week. You are running a high fever and coughing. You have to stay close to a toilet. Things like this can get rid of them.

 

[LastFlowers]

Good relationships are about effort, you need to try to be there for them still

Idk about OP but not a single person in my life has put effort into a relationship with me, so I don't feel too bad about isolating and being otherwise unavailable. It's never mattered because no one wanted me to be there anyway.

 

[Meditation guide]

Idk about OP but not a single person in my life has put effort into a relationship with me

Sorry to hear that.

 

[foxdie]

I'm in the same situation. I barely talk to anyone, I've completely isolated myself by choice. I tell myself that it'll make it easier on them when I ctb but I know that's not true. It's tough but I just can't communicate with normies right now. It frustrates me. I've always been on my own tho so I just find it easier to deal. I mostly lie about being sick, which used to work great. But now with covid I have to be more creative otherwise people will want to know more, like if I got tested or not.

 

[watsonsmith]

I also started isolating, but now I see that it has been gradual over the last 8 years since a traumatic event in my life. The last few months I avoid going out of the apartment as much as I can and I even dread people contacting me... whilst to a part of me it's reassuring that there are still people out there who'd want to have anything in common with me (which includes my ex and the love of my life, who proclaimed she'd even consider getting back together... maybe...), I just don't have anything interesting to say to them and I feel like an absolute nothing.

My realistic advice? You already know it – try to muster some of that willpower that allowed you to keep on a mask.
My actual advice? Be honest and tell people you are depressed and find it difficult to be in touch right now and simply set a boundary. I know you can do this. It can be difficult though if you are not 100% you will CTB and you'd want to still have those people in your life if the fortunes do turn around.

 

[k75]

I only put effort into the people that are putting effort into me. I don't have energy for more than that anymore. I don't even really have energy for that, honestly.

I force myself to message my closest family on facebook every few days. Just enough so they don't worry and mostly leave me alone. My best friend checks in with me daily, and he's really the only person I'm consistently talking to.

But if he doesn't do that for some reason, I will isolate. I can avoid everyone else and go days without talking to another person if nobody makes me. I have to constantly remind myself to at least text hi to people once in awhile, because there's a chance I'll feel better later and will probably want them in my life still. I don't really want to burn down any bridges. Just kind of hit the pause button.

Oh, and my advice is to be as honest as you're comfortable with. You don't have to share dark details, but it helps if people know you're struggling and doing your best, and if you're out of touch, it's not personal.

 

[ecmnesia]

not gonna lie. I didn't read most of the answers cause didn't feel like it, so maybe someone already said that... but... I've been there. don't think you should force yourself to keep up with your relationships if it is draining to you, although people might feel somewhat bad, you should be your priority, and should focus on your recovery first, so that maybe in the future you could be available AND in a good mental place.

personally. I was honest (as far as I felt like it) to those I am closest with... I didn't get into the details, just said that mental illness was hitting me harder and that I needed sometime for myself, to figure it all out and deal with it (which is kind of a lie...), cause I couldn't handle to be around for the moment. They understood to an extent. Sometimes they reach out and I just reassure them that I'm ok and give them a generic excuse. It's a bad thing to do I guess, but it's what I can do for now. If I were to be completely honest I don't believe they would get it, plus, at this point, I am better of alone.