goesforemast
Member
- Jan 12, 2019
- 35
hello everybody,
i'am new to this forum and was wondering how others here slipped into this horrible mindstate called depression. For me it's now a 10 year long horror trip. it started back in 6th grade. i dont know why it happened but from one day to another my best friends and nearly the whole class bullied me every day every hour in school. it was like hell. and just like it began if ended about 1 year later as they found someone other to bully. thinking back now they were my last friends, since then i wasnt able to make new friends again. i cant talk to people i dont know, it's impossible even if i want to. i want to make friends but i can't describe this blockade. since then most of the time i spend at my room playing video games because thats the only place i feel safe and still be able to connect with other people because i think the cant hurt me online. and to make it even better, since i didnt left my room and went to parties or something even my family are joking about me the last 3-4 years. everybody just tells me to go out and make friends or get yourself a gf. they dont know how it feels, i wish i had a nice carriying gf but i am not able to talk to girls. i cant even imagine myself with a gf. who wants somebody like me without a life and without friends. i deleted everything with social media because i cant stand seeing other couples having what i will never have. so december 18 i made the decision to end my life as fast as possible with N. hopefully i can get it really fast from A.
That was the first time ever i told others about my mindstate. please dont try to change my mind, it wont happen. i just want to exchange my expierences with others that share the same fate as me. and sorry for my bad english. when i had english in school i didnt care about school because of the above. i was just there and somehow made it with mostly 4,5 or 6 in my testimony. so for the english people, mostly F or what comes next. funny thing is that i still got my graduation from high school (Abitur). dont ask me how, i guess the german school systems sucks.
i'am new to this forum and was wondering how others here slipped into this horrible mindstate called depression. For me it's now a 10 year long horror trip. it started back in 6th grade. i dont know why it happened but from one day to another my best friends and nearly the whole class bullied me every day every hour in school. it was like hell. and just like it began if ended about 1 year later as they found someone other to bully. thinking back now they were my last friends, since then i wasnt able to make new friends again. i cant talk to people i dont know, it's impossible even if i want to. i want to make friends but i can't describe this blockade. since then most of the time i spend at my room playing video games because thats the only place i feel safe and still be able to connect with other people because i think the cant hurt me online. and to make it even better, since i didnt left my room and went to parties or something even my family are joking about me the last 3-4 years. everybody just tells me to go out and make friends or get yourself a gf. they dont know how it feels, i wish i had a nice carriying gf but i am not able to talk to girls. i cant even imagine myself with a gf. who wants somebody like me without a life and without friends. i deleted everything with social media because i cant stand seeing other couples having what i will never have. so december 18 i made the decision to end my life as fast as possible with N. hopefully i can get it really fast from A.
That was the first time ever i told others about my mindstate. please dont try to change my mind, it wont happen. i just want to exchange my expierences with others that share the same fate as me. and sorry for my bad english. when i had english in school i didnt care about school because of the above. i was just there and somehow made it with mostly 4,5 or 6 in my testimony. so for the english people, mostly F or what comes next. funny thing is that i still got my graduation from high school (Abitur). dont ask me how, i guess the german school systems sucks.
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