Story Way off topic, a little story about customer service

[Deleted member 1465]

I have no idea where to post this so here it is. I don't know if its a rant or just a story or what...

I had a joint bank account with my brother on the old house. After the house was sold (*sigh*) I needed to change my address on the account. So I went to the website. It wouldn't let me do it online, I had to download and print out a form to send off. So I did that. I got a letter back telling me to call them to confirm security.

So I called them. It was an automated service.

It asked me for my customer number. I tried to enter it but it didn't give me enough time (despite my age, I'm no slouch on the phone keyboard either).
It asked me again to enter or speak my customer number. So I spoke it carefully. Once again, not enough time.

I'm starting to get a little angry now.

It now told me I'd need to set up a six figure PIN to pass security.
So I did, then I entered the PIN and continued. Next, it told me to tell speak and tell them why I was calling.
"Change of address" I said.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand that, please tell us why you are calling."
"I want to change my address!" I shouted nice and clearly.
"You want to check your balance? Is that correct?"
...
Now I'm really angry.

"I want to speak to a person!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand that, please tell us why you are calling."
" I WANT TO SPEAK TO A M*******KING PERSON YOU STUPID F*CKING ****! NOW!"
...
"Putting you through to a someone who can help you."

Someone answered. Finally! I explained to him that I'd had this letter and I was calling as instructed to confirm it was me.
He asked me to confirm my address, prior to the house I'd just moved from. That was bloody years ago. I had to go upstairs to hunt for old diaries with my old address and postcode in. I managed to upend a box of old computer cds in the process which promptly ejaculated its contents all over the bedroom in a spectacular manner. This did not help my mood. There may have been some swearing. You can probably imagine.

I retrieved my old address and relayed it to the chap on the phone.
"I'm sorry, those details don't match the ones we have on file for you" he replied.
"But its my old address, the one you asked for, I don't have any other details to give you!"
"I'm not going to be able to change the address on this account."
"So how do i make sure my financial information isn't being sent to the wrong address? I've passed security, I've sent in the form, I've set up a f*cking phone PIN to prove I am who I say i am! I can move money out of the account! Why can't I change the sodding address? it shouldn't be this difficult!
"I'm not going to be able to change the address on this account," he reiterated.

That may have been a mistake on his part.

Now I'm beyond angry. Four years of not being listened to and shouldered into tick box scenarios by idiots working in a shit system, all of it came out in an aneurysm inducing apoplectic rant of epic proportions. I'm surprised the neighbours didn't call the police. I can't even post here the sort of things I will have come out with and I'm not proud of the fact that the poor sod probably went home in tears afterwards. I was out of control, pushed beyond my limit by box ticking computer says no ignorance. He'd opened the box I've held closed for so long and the monster came out in all his glory.

Rawr!

There was some reason in there. i told him this wan't satisfactory, I didn't accept it and I demanded to be put through to a superior. he wasn't happy with that but said he'd put me through to someone else, but I'd have to answer the same address question. I agreed (I didn't really have any other choice).

"Hello, how can i help you?" said the next person.

I sighed and commenced the game again...

"I've looked on your account, and for some reason you've been put in the high risk category. I've no idea why that happened, it shouldn't have. There, I've just changed your address. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

I was gob-smacked.

This chap had accomplished in one minute what all the technology had failed to do in two weeks. I thanked him profusely and told him what I thought of their system and how i'd now be closing the account (I was planning to take my name of the joint account anyway, that's why i needed to change the address first). I told him I'd even brave leaving the house and travelling to the next town despite my medical condition, I was that angry. He then advised me that i could do it online by private messages, even though i'd been told I had to go into a branch! I'm not sure if its actually that simple, but wow, what a helpful chap!

I don't think there's a point to this story, just aaaaaarggggggggg! I appears that swearing at technology really does work after all.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Shitty experience, but great story!

 

[Mort]

O i bin they my self they use to be a number i had to call cant remember what the place was. But it was automate line you had to say who you wanted to be put through never work . I use to go make funny noises down the phone until it had enough of me and just put me through to sum one . I just hope they weren't recording that first part they be thinking whose this nutter LOL :)

 

[Soul]

@Underscore! My hero!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'll admit there was a strange catharsis in it. Maybe I'll call them again so that I can shout at the machine...

 

[Epsilon0]

I'll admit there was a strange catharsis in it. Maybe I'll call them again so that I can shout at the machine...

Haha, yes, do that! You tell that robot exactly what you think of it, @Underscore !

Imagine what it will be like in 20-30 years when there won't by any humans working in customer service...

 

[Mort]

Haha, yes, do that! You tell that robot exactly what you think of it, @Underscore !

Imagine what it will be like in 20-30 years when there won't by any humans working in customer service...

They say we the human race is ment to be getting smarter. Be then i ring up somewhere and get an automated thingy and i despair at it all . Mind you if you do get sum one on the other end a lot of seem not to bright LOL :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I for one welcome our robot overlords!

(Sorry, I often use some variation on that line, can't help it)

They say we the human race is ment to be getting smarter. Be then i ring up somewhere and get an automated thingy and i despair at it all . Mind you if you do get sum one on the other end a lot of seem not to bright LOL :)

The first guy was a bit of a numpty. The second chap was excellent and bent the rules to help me out. I wouldn't be surprised if he looked the other chap up and gave him a bollocking.

Hey, look at that, predictive text understood bollocking.

 

[BlueWidow]

I have no idea where to post this so here it is. I don't know if its a rant or just a story or what...

I had a joint bank account with my brother on the old house. After the house was sold (*sigh*) I needed to change my address on the account. So I went to the website. It wouldn't let me do it online, I had to download and print out a form to send off. So I did that. I got a letter back telling me to call them to confirm security.

So I called them. It was an automated service.

It asked me for my customer number. I tried to enter it but it didn't give me enough time (despite my age, I'm no slouch on the phone keyboard either).
It asked me again to enter or speak my customer number. So I spoke it carefully. Once again, not enough time.

I'm starting to get a little angry now.

It now told me I'd need to set up a six figure PIN to pass security.
So I did, then I entered the PIN and continued. Next, it told me to tell speak and tell them why I was calling.
"Change of address" I said.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand that, please tell us why you are calling."
"I want to change my address!" I shouted nice and clearly.
"You want to check your balance? Is that correct?"
...
Now I'm really angry.

"I want to speak to a person!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand that, please tell us why you are calling."
" I WANT TO SPEAK TO A M*******KING PERSON YOU STUPID F*CKING ****! NOW!"
...
"Putting you through to a someone who can help you."

Someone answered. Finally! I explained to him that I'd had this letter and I was calling as instructed to confirm it was me.
He asked me to confirm my address, prior to the house I'd just moved from. That was bloody years ago. I had to go upstairs to hunt for old diaries with my old address and postcode in. I managed to upend a box of old computer cds in the process which promptly ejaculated its contents all over the bedroom in a spectacular manner. This did not help my mood. There may have been some swearing. You can probably imagine.

I retrieved my old address and relayed it to the chap on the phone.
"I'm sorry, those details don't match the ones we have on file for you" he replied.
"But its my old address, the one you asked for, I don't have any other details to give you!"
"I'm not going to be able to change the address on this account."
"So how do i make sure my financial information isn't being sent to the wrong address? I've passed security, I've sent in the form, I've set up a f*cking phone PIN to prove I am who I say i am! I can move money out of the account! Why can't I change the sodding address? it shouldn't be this difficult!
"I'm not going to be able to change the address on this account," he reiterated.

That may have been a mistake on his part.

Now I'm beyond angry. Four years of not being listened to and shouldered into tick box scenarios by idiots working in a shit system, all of it came out in an aneurysm inducing apoplectic rant of epic proportions. I'm surprised the neighbours didn't call the police. I can't even post here the sort of things I will have come out with and I'm not proud of the fact that the poor sod probably went home in tears afterwards. I was out of control, pushed beyond my limit by box ticking computer says no ignorance. He'd opened the box I've held closed for so long and the monster came out in all his glory.

Rawr!

There was some reason in there. i told him this wan't satisfactory, I didn't accept it and I demanded to be put through to a superior. he wasn't happy with that but said he'd put me through to someone else, but I'd have to answer the same address question. I agreed (I didn't really have any other choice).

"Hello, how can i help you?" said the next person.

I sighed and commenced the game again...

"I've looked on your account, and for some reason you've been put in the high risk category. I've no idea why that happened, it shouldn't have. There, I've just changed your address. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

I was gob-smacked.

This chap had accomplished in one minute what all the technology had failed to do in two weeks. I thanked him profusely and told him what I thought of their system and how i'd now be closing the account (I was planning to take my name of the joint account anyway, that's why i needed to change the address first). I told him I'd even brave leaving the house and travelling to the next town despite my medical condition, I was that angry. He then advised me that i could do it online by private messages, even though i'd been told I had to go into a branch! I'm not sure if its actually that simple, but wow, what a helpful chap!

I don't think there's a point to this story, just aaaaaarggggggggg! I appears that swearing at technology really does work after all.

I second what others are saying here. I can certainly relate to that story in a lot of ways. I'm so glad you were able to triumph in the end!
I thought technology was supposed to improve our lives and make everything more simple and better. Remember all those videos from the 1950s of machines waiting on us hand and foot while we lounged around holding martini glasses? The Jetsons lied to all of us. Instead it's a technological hell, especially if you get caught up in one of those endless computer phone mazes. I wonder when they're going to give those things some intelligence so that they can talk back to you like Siri does? I'd love to be able to tell one of them to "get bent" and have them respond with something other than a pre-canned answer. Great story!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Technology will be our downfall. And there's bugger all we can do about it. Except swear at it, apparently

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Technology will be our downfall. And there's bugger all we can do about it. Except swear at it, apparently

That's not the only automated phone machine it works on. Most of them are programmed to put you through to a person if you raise your voice or curse at it. Sometimes I'll do it intentionally to bypass the system.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That's not the only automated phone machine it works on. Most of them are programmed to put you through to a person if you raise your voice or curse at it. Sometimes I'll do it intentionally to bypass the system.

I always used to mash the buttons in the days of old phones. Now I shall swear at them.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I always used to mash the buttons in the days of old phones. Now I shall swear at them.

I used to do that too back then. Swearing at them is so much more satisfying though!

 

[UninformedLover]

What a story! Customer service is an absolute nightmare most of the time but I do commend your perseverance.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What a story! Customer service is an absolute nightmare most of the time but I do commend your perseverance.

Thanks. Stubbornness runs in my family. It served me well in employment but is counting against me now with doctors.

Edit: and plumbers.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Update to this pointless story.

I sent a pm via the bank website asking to take my name off the joint account.
I got a form back to print fill and send to the branch!
After being told there was no form.
I replied with an account of this. Not really a complaint more of constructive criticism.
I care about none of this in the slightest, it's irrelevant compared to all the other crap in my life.
But it's kind of fun in a nuts way.
Maybe I need to. ..er...see a shrink

 

[LegaliseIt!]

They say we the human race is ment to be getting smarter. Be then i ring up somewhere and get an automated thingy and i despair at it all . Mind you if you do get sum one on the other end a lot of seem not to bright LOL :)

However, their mum (who has worked in that company Human Resources forever) knows that they are smashingly brilliant!

Update to this pointless story.

I sent a pm via the bank website asking to take my name off the joint account.
I got a form back to print fill and send to the branch!
After being told there was no form.
I replied with an account of this. Not really a complaint more of constructive criticism.
I care about none of this in the slightest, it's irrelevant compared to all the other crap in my life.
But it's kind of fun in a nuts way.
Maybe I need to. ..er...see a shrink

LMAO!

 

[TAW122]

Great story and I'm sorry that technology and customer service has been utter shit for you. I had similar experiences too with customer service, especially with trying to get to the actual content and purpose of the call, sometimes only to be misunderstood, misheard, and wronged. Anyways, I'm glad that everything has worked out in the end.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

So they got the form and they've replied with another two identical letters on the same day for me to call them. I'm not doing that as it will end in swearing. I messaged them online to just get this sorted. lol its such a pointless trivial thing that i could do without but they are engaging my stubborn gene now. If they continue to do that I'll probably go to the ombudsman. It won't accomplish anything, but I'm starting to feel like I just want to piss them off.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I just called the number and prepared to swear. Navigated their impenetrable menus and used my PIN to good effect. Turns out they needed my verbal authorisation because their was no signature on the account to match to the one on the form. Not surprising as my brother set it up and I never signed anything. Fair enough. Job (hopefully) done.
I can't help but feel though, for such a simple thing they really could have made the process a bit more transparent and easier to navigate.
Still, its good to yell at people sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

On another customer service related matter, whilst I'm rambling on like an old man and no-one is listening I had my boiler insurance go up a huge chunk.

The bastards always put insurance up every year for existing customers. They rely on getting more revenue from older people who don't want to renegotiate or switch. Its a really shitty trick. New customers get a great price. Go figure.

Anyway, I called and explained I'd find another supplier and they came out with the customary 'oh you are right to call, I'm sure we can find you a better price.'
£163 quid off for the year.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

I didn't even realise boiler insurance was a thing. It seems most places bank on people just staying with them out of inertia. God knows it took me long enough to get around to leaving BT and now I'm paying less than half price for better service and the same speeds. Still need to change the gas and electric though.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I used to pay all my bills to BT with a cheque. They hated it and charged me seven quid to administer each cheque. I hassled them about it and the charge kept going up. I refused to pay by directdebit even though it would be easier just because they were bullying me and I'm funny like that.
From then on in I made all my cheques out to 'Bastard Telecom' and didn't sign them.
They still cashed them somehow.
I'm with Zen now.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

I used to pay all my bills to BT with a cheque. They hated it and charged me seven quid to administer each cheque. I hassled them about it and the charge kept going up. I refused to pay by directdebit even though it would be easier just because they were bullying me and I'm funny like that.
From then on in I made all my cheques out to 'Bastard Telecom' and didn't sign them.
They still cashed them somehow.
I'm with Zen now.

Bastard Telecom... That's fucking beautiful mate.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Bastard Telecom... That's fucking beautiful mate.

I know I'm so proud of it lol.
I recommend Zen though, good product fair price and good customer support.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Entertaining update:
This is actually still ongoing. I now have a letter confirming I have been removed from the joint account.
That's the account I've just logged into right now which I clearly haven't been removed from.
So I called my contact there. She said she would be recording the conversation. I said that was ok, I'd be recording it too, I always do. She replied that she didn't give me permission to do that. So ofc, I replied saying that I didn't give her permission to record it if she she didn't give me permission to record it.
At this point I was really enjoying the childishness of it.
Funny thing is, every time they fuck this up, they send me a cheque by way of a bribe...er, I mean compensation, so I won't refer them to the ombudsman. Which ive already done anyway. They even state that this payment should in no way influence my decision to complain to the ombudsman, but they'd ask them to take the payment into account when making a decision. Hahahaha what does that even mean? We aren't bribing him with this payment? Or, look, we are clearly bribing him?
This is getting really weird.
I told her by email to please, keep getting it wrong and keep sending me cheques. I'm afraid she's now engaged my defensive sarcasm mode.
Myself and my brother are even contemplating having me empty the account, thus closing it, and paying the cash into his personal account. Then getting a solicitor to prosecute them for allowing it to happen when they say it's not possible. Yes I know that wouldn't work, but I'd love to find a way to put the wind up the useless fuckers.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Entertaining update:
This is actually still ongoing. I now have a letter confirming I have been removed from the joint account.
That's the account I've just logged into right now which I clearly haven't been removed from.
So I called my contact there. She said she would be recording the conversation. I said that was ok, I'd be recording it too, I always do. She replied that she didn't give me permission to do that. So ofc, I replied saying that I didn't give her permission to record it if she she didn't give me permission to record it.
At this point I was really enjoying the childishness of it.
Funny thing is, every time they fuck this up, they send me a cheque by way of a bribe...er, I mean compensation, so I won't refer them to the ombudsman. Which ive already done anyway. They even state that this payment should in no way influence my decision to complain to the ombudsman, but they'd ask them to take the payment into account when making a decision. Hahahaha what does that even mean? We aren't bribing him with this payment? Or, look, we are clearly bribing him?
This is getting really weird.
I told her by email to please, keep getting it wrong and keep sending me cheques. I'm afraid she's now engaged my defensive sarcasm mode.
Myself and my brother are even contemplating having me empty the account, thus closing it, and paying the cash into his personal account. Then getting a solicitor to prosecute them for allowing it to happen when they say it's not possible. Yes I know that wouldn't work, but I'd love to find a way to put the wind up the useless fuckers.

The saga continues! I could use a few "checks that aren't bribes!"