Venting Wave of nightmares and paranoia.

[- crybaby -]

Over a year ago I ran away from my abusive ex of 8 years to move to a new city hours away with my current partner .
The first months were full of intense relief , butterflies of the new found relationship and hope for the future but along with these things I was paranoid and had often panic attacks , constantly feeling watched , fearing he will come and find me.
After a while I became indifferent to any of his attempts to reach me ..
But now ..after more than a year .. he found my new social media account and sent friend requests to my coworkers.
I've began getting paranoid once again ..
As much as I can handle/ignore it during the day .. at night it barely lets me sleep..It starts as a simple random dream..then I notice him ,he takes over the narrative..first he is friendly and charming then slowly it all goes south ,belittling me , discrediting me , humiliating me and then slowly but surely it gets physical ..
The thing is after the first few months here ..I realised I had so many memory gaps?
Even details that I remembered felt ..like a memory of someone else ..like a scene from a movie not something that I experienced .
I tried to remember other things from those 8 years ..other experiences ,but it's all so hazy .
Even argued with my grandmother about some things because I seriously couldn't remember them ..
I'm not even sure at this point what parts of these nightmares are real memories or just new real nightmares scenes ..
I'm already having a hard time dealing with my ownself but now this ..him reappearing and taking over my mind ,it's exhausting .

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, I'm sorry you are in this situation. Some people can be so cruel and awful. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I wish you the best.

 

[stilldreaming]

How horrifying :(

Do you have a support system you can turn to? Your partner, close friends? You shouldn't be dealing with this alone, I can't imagine doing so.

Some people have success with therapists who specialize in trauma and domestic violence, and if it's possible perhaps you could try one out. And they should be able to help guide you through your legal options for how to protect yourself as well.

Please take care, and stay safe x

 

[- crybaby -]

How horrifying :(

Do you have a support system you can turn to? Your partner, close friends? You shouldn't be dealing with this alone, I can't imagine doing so.

Some people have success with therapists who specialize in trauma and domestic violence, and if it's possible perhaps you could try one out. And they should be able to help guide you through your legal options for how to protect yourself as well.

Please take care, and stay safe x

Thank you .
I talked with my partner ..he understands to a certain degree I guess .
I'm mostly mad at my ownself for letting my ex get into my head again .
I tried to legally obtain peace like a restraining order but it has been so draining and felt like such a fool trying to prove to people who he really is ..I just gave up and ran in the end .
I know Im realistically in no danger anymore ,but it's hard to listen to my reasonable side/voice sometimes.

 

[stilldreaming]

I know Im realistically in no danger anymore ,but it's hard to listen to my reasonable side/voice sometimes.

Oh my goodness, if it was easy to listen to our reasonable side only like a dozen people on the planet would a mental health expert!

This is the ideal of therapy, to retrain how we automatically and instinctively think. To gradually shift from unhelpful / harmful thought patterns to healthier ones. It takes time (and continual reminders, eg a weekly appointment) to change how we think, hence the need to give it time.

That said, not all therapists are created equal. I think this too is why it's important to look for therapists who specialize in certain conditions or problems, eg PTSD or domestic violence. Otherwise, I think a lot of therapists are used to just providing therapeutic listening to their clients. Which y'know fair enough, a lot of people just want an encouraging, sympathetic ear to unburden their souls to.

I'm sorry the legal system failed you. I'm not sure where you're from, but where I am, there are nonprofits that will help people get free legal representation and advice, which can help make (for example) filing a restraining order more successful. Unfortunately, so many people (women especially) go through things like domestic violence (physical and mental abuse) that there are a lot of people out there to help others.

Eight years is time for a lot of trauma to accumulate. It isn't surprising you're struggling. Truthfully, I crumple when someone says something mean to me, so I truly can't imagine what your situation is like. I do know though that reaching out to others for support is one of the most important things someone can do, so I hope you can feel comfortable doing so.

This is just a quick google, but if you feel comfortable getting in contact with some support groups, I am sure they'll be able to connect you to better resources: https://www.google.com/search?safe=...-ab..0.17.1397...35i39k1j0i10k1.0.myFAbTdccjI

And, I hope I'm sounding pushy, please take things at your own pace and do what you need to do to feel comfortable. I know though a lot of people aren't aware of potentially helpful resources, so I'm just mentioning them in case they might be helpful. You definitely aren't alone in this, and talking to others who will understand everything might be helpful, even cathartic.

Let us know what you need x