SanguineShark
I am the monster you created
- Jun 23, 2023
- 223
We're all born equal, innocent. What should be the norm is that a person would grow up in a loving, caring and safe environment, have their self-worth develop in a healthy way, and then proceed to live their life. Of course with some ups and downs, as life is honestly full of misery and pain, but if you have that strong foundation, then you have likely chances of doing good choices in life, being mentally stable and overall just be strong.
Sadly, we don't all have that luxury. I bet most of you here don't have a good family, I sure don't. My whole family hates each other, it's full of deeply mentally unstable, toxic, shit humans who let their shitty mistakes poison each other. I was born in this family as the youngest, which hopefully stays that way forever. I have borderline personality disorder due to trauma from my family. The people who were supposed to raise me, lift me up, build my self esteem and assertiveness, literally left me as a broken, traumatized, unstable mess, who's whole personality is a fucking disorder. I'm almost 23!! I'm still young!! And I wanted to kill myself since I was 15 :)
I think ctb should be legal for people like me, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Be in therapy hell and medicated until hopefully I can be glued back together? That won't do shit. I'M BROKEN. IT'S TOO LATE. My whole brain developmental period was full of fucking suffering and trauma, you will NEVER be able to fix that in any way that matters. I'm just sticking around because I managed to manipulate people into being my friends by sacrificing every single bit of myself so they can like me. I'm nothing inside. All my actions are just to please people so they can "please please love me", because my mother didn't love me enough as a child and my father just straight up fucking left and abandoned me completely. I'm just that small, helpless child who's crying for her parents to please please love me please don't leave me. This is permanent, I cannot change my past. And despite everyone telling me that I can move on, live happily, I just don't see it at all. I'm at the literal bottom of the stairs and they want me to climb a fucking mountain, suffer and push myself, waste time in therapy and hospitals, damage my organs with medication, just for the HOPE of living like a person who didn't have to go through all that fucking suffering I did. I have to do all that shit just to be equal to neurotypical mentally well people. I hate this life, I just want to ctb.
Sadly, we don't all have that luxury. I bet most of you here don't have a good family, I sure don't. My whole family hates each other, it's full of deeply mentally unstable, toxic, shit humans who let their shitty mistakes poison each other. I was born in this family as the youngest, which hopefully stays that way forever. I have borderline personality disorder due to trauma from my family. The people who were supposed to raise me, lift me up, build my self esteem and assertiveness, literally left me as a broken, traumatized, unstable mess, who's whole personality is a fucking disorder. I'm almost 23!! I'm still young!! And I wanted to kill myself since I was 15 :)
I think ctb should be legal for people like me, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Be in therapy hell and medicated until hopefully I can be glued back together? That won't do shit. I'M BROKEN. IT'S TOO LATE. My whole brain developmental period was full of fucking suffering and trauma, you will NEVER be able to fix that in any way that matters. I'm just sticking around because I managed to manipulate people into being my friends by sacrificing every single bit of myself so they can like me. I'm nothing inside. All my actions are just to please people so they can "please please love me", because my mother didn't love me enough as a child and my father just straight up fucking left and abandoned me completely. I'm just that small, helpless child who's crying for her parents to please please love me please don't leave me. This is permanent, I cannot change my past. And despite everyone telling me that I can move on, live happily, I just don't see it at all. I'm at the literal bottom of the stairs and they want me to climb a fucking mountain, suffer and push myself, waste time in therapy and hospitals, damage my organs with medication, just for the HOPE of living like a person who didn't have to go through all that fucking suffering I did. I have to do all that shit just to be equal to neurotypical mentally well people. I hate this life, I just want to ctb.