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mittymittens
let's make it quick, ok?
- Jun 11, 2023
- 67
TW: potential sexual assault
i made posts like this but i feel the need to make another one because i need to be absolutely sure. im not asking in a legal type of way either.
i rejected this girl 2 months prior and she actively lied to me before this act that she gotten over me.
i was home alone and i invited her over.
she gestered me for a hug so i hugged her and then she began to kiss me all over my face without my consent. i remember my heart dropped and i didnt know what to do because 1. she was depressed prior to this and throughout my entire friendship with her i wanted to make her happy while ignoring my wants or needs. 2. her sister her off at my place and her sister was already mad for having to go to my place.
i remember just nervously laughing because i laugh when im nervous but then i just accepted this fate as my punishment because i already knew i fucked up and if i said no she would've been super upset because she was extremely sensitive and she couldn't call her sister nor her mom to drive her home because she wouldve 100% gotten yelled at which would've made her felt worse than she already did. when i laughed, i felt her smile and kept doing it more. i just went along and stayed silent because i knew i fucked up again. i do know i was trying to push her away at some point but i dont even think she realized. and i started gagging when she kissed me and she knew i was but kept doing it and didn't take it personally.
the only thing i honestly consented to was her kissing my lips. my thought process was that we were already doing related stuff so it wouldnt matter anymore and i also wanted to know what a kiss felt like because i did not kiss anyone prior to this.
my issue lies that at some point she wanted to go to my room. this is where i said no and she kept begging. during the second plea i remember having a unsure look at my face and saying "i dont know", she didnt stop until i said "fine". i dont think fine is enthusiastic consent. i think now that begging and pleading multiple times can mean coercion? but i also need reassurance on that one.
we went to my room and we still continued doing what she wanted to do. at some point she put her hand under my shirt without asking. luckily i was wearing a bra so nothing happened. but she knew i identified as asexual so i did not know what she was trying to do with this. i was definently not okay and i was beginning to feel scared and my heart was racing the entire time even before i was going upstairs because i felt nervous the entire time what else she wanted to do without asking. she asked if my heart was racing and since i didnt want to believe my best friend was doing something and i was actively lying to myself, i told her it mustve been the sugar from the drink i had.
at some point i was also aroused but i also know that your body is biologically able to do these things. while at the peak of my arousal i told her to keep kissing my neck because my mind was clouded. but at this moment it was nearing the very end of the entire thing before she left and i did not say something like this in the beginning.
when she left, i felt a metaphorical filth and i remember putting my sheets in the washer despite nothing got on it, cleaning my floor even though it wasnt really dirty and taking a shower but then ended up crying in the shower because i still felt dirty no matter how much soap i applied on my body.
a few days after this, i got a screenshot of her asking if what she was doing to me was uncomfortable. i did not confirm or deny but all i said was "tbh i did not rly want us to go to my room" and she only responded with "sorry haha"
i understand implied nonverbal consent can work in relationships but i dont know if implied nonverbal consent can work if i had already rejected this person and expressed that i did not want to do anything romantic with her before this moment. i only saw her as a friend and after this happened i felt dirty and violated and i dont even know if im even valid enough to have these emotions because i feel like i mightve mislead her even though she also never tried asking for consent in most of these things
i made posts like this but i feel the need to make another one because i need to be absolutely sure. im not asking in a legal type of way either.
i rejected this girl 2 months prior and she actively lied to me before this act that she gotten over me.
i was home alone and i invited her over.
she gestered me for a hug so i hugged her and then she began to kiss me all over my face without my consent. i remember my heart dropped and i didnt know what to do because 1. she was depressed prior to this and throughout my entire friendship with her i wanted to make her happy while ignoring my wants or needs. 2. her sister her off at my place and her sister was already mad for having to go to my place.
i remember just nervously laughing because i laugh when im nervous but then i just accepted this fate as my punishment because i already knew i fucked up and if i said no she would've been super upset because she was extremely sensitive and she couldn't call her sister nor her mom to drive her home because she wouldve 100% gotten yelled at which would've made her felt worse than she already did. when i laughed, i felt her smile and kept doing it more. i just went along and stayed silent because i knew i fucked up again. i do know i was trying to push her away at some point but i dont even think she realized. and i started gagging when she kissed me and she knew i was but kept doing it and didn't take it personally.
the only thing i honestly consented to was her kissing my lips. my thought process was that we were already doing related stuff so it wouldnt matter anymore and i also wanted to know what a kiss felt like because i did not kiss anyone prior to this.
my issue lies that at some point she wanted to go to my room. this is where i said no and she kept begging. during the second plea i remember having a unsure look at my face and saying "i dont know", she didnt stop until i said "fine". i dont think fine is enthusiastic consent. i think now that begging and pleading multiple times can mean coercion? but i also need reassurance on that one.
we went to my room and we still continued doing what she wanted to do. at some point she put her hand under my shirt without asking. luckily i was wearing a bra so nothing happened. but she knew i identified as asexual so i did not know what she was trying to do with this. i was definently not okay and i was beginning to feel scared and my heart was racing the entire time even before i was going upstairs because i felt nervous the entire time what else she wanted to do without asking. she asked if my heart was racing and since i didnt want to believe my best friend was doing something and i was actively lying to myself, i told her it mustve been the sugar from the drink i had.
at some point i was also aroused but i also know that your body is biologically able to do these things. while at the peak of my arousal i told her to keep kissing my neck because my mind was clouded. but at this moment it was nearing the very end of the entire thing before she left and i did not say something like this in the beginning.
when she left, i felt a metaphorical filth and i remember putting my sheets in the washer despite nothing got on it, cleaning my floor even though it wasnt really dirty and taking a shower but then ended up crying in the shower because i still felt dirty no matter how much soap i applied on my body.
a few days after this, i got a screenshot of her asking if what she was doing to me was uncomfortable. i did not confirm or deny but all i said was "tbh i did not rly want us to go to my room" and she only responded with "sorry haha"
i understand implied nonverbal consent can work in relationships but i dont know if implied nonverbal consent can work if i had already rejected this person and expressed that i did not want to do anything romantic with her before this moment. i only saw her as a friend and after this happened i felt dirty and violated and i dont even know if im even valid enough to have these emotions because i feel like i mightve mislead her even though she also never tried asking for consent in most of these things