Discussion Was there ever a moment when you realized your life was not normal?

[Moniker]

I remember there being a moment in my life when I was confronted with the fact that most people rarely, if ever, think about ending their lives. I thought suicide ideation was super common among everyone. I don't remember when that happened, but that information made me realize I was probably depressed.

Similarly, I remember having a weird revelation at around age 20 that the stuff I dealt with as a kid definitely met the definition for abuse. I never really viewed it that way prior.

I was just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I can't even fucking recall.

 

[R_N]

I just realised things are not what they seem and emotions cloud our perception.

This whole world is a circus of clowns that play their part naively and then die. Fragile little creatures completely lost and driven by their impulses. Trying so hard to stay in control but doomed to fail. Every candle ends the same no matter how bright it tries to shine.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I started feeling a complete disconnect from my peers during my preteens. There was something fundamentally wrong with me (and there still is.) And, that feeling just followed me throughout the years. I wouldn't say there was a specific moment, but overall, my experiences made me realize that I was not normal, and the way I felt was not normal.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had similar experiences. Something must have come up about suicide at work once and a colleague said she couldn't imagine how anyone would want to take their own life. I remember thinking she was weird but then thinking- I was probably the weird one. Similarly, my GP said something about- 'Wouldn't it be a shame if you acted on your ideation?' And I thought- no! Of course it wouldn't! Not sure how 'normal' it is to be comfortable with suicidal thoughts. I was also hopeless at driving. I was so nervous of other drivers and my instructor said- 'Most people don't want to kill themselves.' And I thought- no, I suppose they don't. Maybe that isn't the norm!

On a lesser level though, my life and outlook is very different to most people. I tend to avoid talking to people but it becomes apparent to me very quickly when I start talking to others that I'm just different. I think it's almost like we just pretend at life the best we can.

 

[todeswunsch]

I always knew that it was something off with me. It was just an obvious reality since forever.
Never knew why I felt that way, I just knew I was different. But at the age of 26 I got my autism diagnosis and everything made so much more sense.
In my teenages I started talking about suicidal thoughts with friends, and surprisingly I saw that depression is quite common. I used to have a lot of depressive friends, I connected with people with pessimist ideas. So surprisingly this aspect I wasn't feeling too different from others. Still an alien tho

 

[Abyssal]

I've always known. Life is like a joke everyone but myself is in on

 

[thx1138]

Isn't it strange, as you get older and you discover how many things are not "normal"?

I'm a complete weirdo and since day 1, nothing in my life has been normal. But it took me until the old ass age 28 to finally accept that I will never be like other people. There are so many things I convinced myself were "normal"... From abuse to suicidal thoughts to hearing voices. Is it the mind just trying to protect itself? It's easier to believe you are normal than to accept how fucked up you really are.

 

[tarococo]

Wow, this really made me stop and think for a second, and I realized I have no idea.
I've always known that my life in general was pretty messed up, and I know that I already thought about ending it when I was really young. But I can't recall the exact moment "everythings weird" turned into "I'm weird, I'm different"

 

[Navi]

When I realized people don't share the same view I have towards life. That made me realize that my views with a lot of other things also differ with almost everyone.