Was i right to crash to my mother?

[hhtroc]

So basically my mom was depressed and suicidal all her life and put a lot of abuse on me as a kid, always told me she didnt want "fat kids" (like its my fault im fat when im 8 lol) and how she wanted to jump of bridges and whatever. And shes not even on my mind all the time cause i have crippling BDD and im missing out on life cause im also insecure and ugly LMAO but i kinda vented to her that im gonna kms and all the shit she did to me like telling me "lets jump off a bridge together" and some bs and she was abused as a kid by her parents too so I never told her about how she fucked me up and all the bullying and whatever because i wanted to show her mercy but now she keeps texting me stuff like i need to pray to god and how shes thinking of me and the star constellations and i basically told her that this is some bullshit and none of this is gods plan and god can suck my balls and she should confront the evil shit she did. She has borderline and an excuse for all the suffering she caused me and ive basically been protecting her for years. Like, she cant help me and she i guess tries in her way so i feel like i might be wrong to act so rudely but she literally fucking acts like this is all a plan of god. I kinda crashed out on her, its not gonna help me and make her feel much worse, i dont even want revenge or anything, i just want her to acknowledge what she did but now she has not responded and i feel kinda bad about it. She meant me no harm today and she cant help either way. Idk if shes read the msgs yet and i feel like maybe i should delete. Like, I am right but its not gonna help. Idk i dont wanna be cruel. But like, ive been telling her about the stuff I do to make myself feel better and be kind to others and she has the fucking audacity to tell me its god speaking thru me. idk

 

[CravingPeace]

Nothing wrong with it. I, in a manic episode, did the same with my mom for the same reasons. Mental illness is not an excuse for vile behavior.

However, if you do stick to your guns, you definitely should expect significant pushback from her, and it may or may not be based in reality.

 

[hhtroc]

After having experience in being actively suicidal, i just do NOT understand how you can suggest offing yourself to your own son. Yes I have been mean to people too, undeservedly but some stuff is inexcusable.
on that note, i deleted the msgs, idk if she saw and i dont care. she cant help me and a lot is her fault but she is way too delusional to even accept any of this into her heart, shes built up this protective layer, good for her.