D
DysphoriaKilledMe
Member
- Nov 21, 2022
- 51
and saw a few hostesses/waitresses that were attractive, all the while my dysphoric self sat at the table eating his pizza and mozzarella sticks ruminating about what it would be like to be them. To go home, to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful staring back at them in the reflection. Each time I saw them walk by with their feminity, I wanted to take to just run home and chug some SN. I'm staying alive with no chance of me getting what I want, having the appearance that I so richly desire. I can't even get motivated to participate in my hobbies because living in a body I hate is just too damn overwhelming.
What is even the point of trying to make a life you hate, work? I'm just going to die anyways. I don't even know why I returned to this site. I guess to just rebut and argue with virtue signalers on this site who like to spew toxic optimism claiming things will get better when they don't have a damn shred of proof. Or to argue with people who somehow think that by calling me a "beautiful girl", it's going to make a difference in how I feel. Why would it? I don't see a beautiful girl when I look in the mirror. I see a man, and that is the problem.
My mother doesn't even understand how horrible dysphoria is. so they won't understand why it will lead me to taking my own life. They don't understand how jealous it is going to make me of the opposite sex. How resentful I am already. Unless you suffer from dysphoria. you'll never understand even in the slightest how it affects someone. It's not like we choose to feel this way. It's not like we only think about life as the correct sex once in a while. The thought crosses our mind, or at least my mind at least 95% of the day every day.
I hate myself, I hate my life. I just want out!
What is even the point of trying to make a life you hate, work? I'm just going to die anyways. I don't even know why I returned to this site. I guess to just rebut and argue with virtue signalers on this site who like to spew toxic optimism claiming things will get better when they don't have a damn shred of proof. Or to argue with people who somehow think that by calling me a "beautiful girl", it's going to make a difference in how I feel. Why would it? I don't see a beautiful girl when I look in the mirror. I see a man, and that is the problem.
My mother doesn't even understand how horrible dysphoria is. so they won't understand why it will lead me to taking my own life. They don't understand how jealous it is going to make me of the opposite sex. How resentful I am already. Unless you suffer from dysphoria. you'll never understand even in the slightest how it affects someone. It's not like we choose to feel this way. It's not like we only think about life as the correct sex once in a while. The thought crosses our mind, or at least my mind at least 95% of the day every day.
I hate myself, I hate my life. I just want out!