My vice is heroin and fentanyl, street stuff. I smoke it, been smoking it for 11 years, everyday, only went 2 days at the most without it in a detox facility, that I failed twice. Unfortunately my local detox facility doesn't deal with a dual diagnosis (mental illness and substance abuse) so they couldn't help me. My only hope is a lot of willpower and a paid rehab which I can't afford. After the initial recreational use and addiction, most heroin and opiate users do it so they can function, because opiate withdrawal is so horrible, I'd rather die than go through withdrawal. My withdrawal is especially severe, I am on a high dose of methadone 130 ml (I'm a petite woman), that's how severe my withdrawals are. I have to go to the pharmacy everyday for the methadone dose. It's been 3 years on methadone, and it has helped a lot. I no longer need to use to function, I only use now to go to sleep. I can go many hours without using and be fine. I've never used a needle and probably never will, I'm just not in that type of crowd, never hung out with people like that, of course I've met people like that, but it's just not something that happens in my bubble. Once I tried to practice shooting up because the heroin was weak, and I was dying of sickness, and I couldn't even operate the needle with 1 hand! I'm so weak and stupid, but it was a good thing. I took one of my dad's diabetes needles and was trying to do it secretly in my room. But honestly, I like smoking it. I prefer smoking everything, crack, weed, cigarettes etc. Although I no longer do crack or weed, I mean as opposed to cocaine or edibles and even alcohol, I'd rather smoke my intoxicant instead of doing it any other way. I'm a chimney. Yes my teeth are horrible lol, but I did get them cleaned last year...I'm also super picky about the quality of my drugs, people think heroin/crack users will just take anything they can get. Nope, there IS shitty heroin, just like shitty weed, I have come across many types of shitty stuff, yucky stuff, weak etc. I am very picky about my stuff, it has to taste good, burn good AND feel good. It's similar to smoking weed oil or butter.
Believe me I never wanted to get into this stuff. I always swore I'd never do it because people always said heroin was the worst thing you could ever do, I had no clue about withdrawals, no one ever talked about that and we never learned about it in school, the internet didn't have much info back then, and usually when websites talk about heroin withdrawals the words they use don't really describe the reality of it, they say it's like a flu, it's not, I would die to have the worst flu ever over going through heroin withdrawals. It's the worst hell you could ever imagine. I was severely peer pressured by some people I was hanging out with, we were on a week long coke binge and nobody could sleep, so they all started smoking heroin and kept pressuring me and my sister to do it, we finally gave in, and I've been addicted ever since. I didn't do it again for like a year though, but I never forgot how it made me feel and I went out seeking it a few times, and started doing it recreationally and slowly we got physically addicted, and it's been a battle ever since. I would never recommend it to anyone, it's SO not worth it. I have tried to CTB many times because of withdrawal symptoms.
