Wanting to od

[TheLostCause]

Hi. Im new here and a bit nervous, im not the best when it comes to interacting with people irl and online so bear with me.

I self harm and have had suicidal thoughts since i was a teen, im now 26. This year has been horrific mh wise. I always said as a teen i would never see my 30th birthday.
Ive made several od attempts, stupidly with paracetamol the last being only a few weeks ago which was a mix of paracetamol and Vortioxetine. The first od was February and i also took myself to a bridge with the intention to jump but i just couldn't.
My head right now is telling me I didn't take enough and i just need to take more. But i also know that paracetamol is unlikely to actually do anything other than leave me with a hospital stay and a risk of being sectioned again which was awful.
Im so desperate to do something tomorrow night when my partner is at work and i have no time to get anything other than otcs and my prescription meds which are Vortioxetine and Venlafaxine which im swapping to so i have a supply of both, i also have Quetiapine. Im not sure how effective a mix of these would be with paracetamol. I want to suffer so the issue of paracetamol being a horrible method of od isn't an issue. My expectations are paracetamol would make me suffer and the rest of the meds would finish the job but this probably isn't accurate.
I am worried as my last od i struggled to keep them down as memories of previous ods were coming back to me and making me severely nauseous even now thinking about it i feel nauseous.
My other method of choice is to jump from a bridge, there is one ive had picked out for a while, its not got a road running over it so noone to stop me. Theres a motorway underneath which i can time the jump with a lorry/bus. The issue is the fence is really high, either i have to climb over or take the long way around and also im not sure ide even be able to jump when it comes to it.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you've struggled with suicidal thoughts for so many years.

I don't know what the prescription medications are that you've listed, but I'd urge you to drop the idea altogether. ODs in general are not great methods since they most often end in hospital visits and health issues. A paracetamol overdose is not worth it, even combined with other drugs.

There are megathreads you can check out, but don't rush your decision for tomorrow just because your partner will be out. I wouldn't want you to end up hurt or in a worse situation :/

 

[Peachycherry]

Hi, welcome to SS ! I'll have to be blunt with you; I can't imagine how much you're suffering to feel like you have to ctb so soon, but your method isn't the best. I've read a case study where a girl ingested 262,5 mg of long acting venlafaxine with 12 g of quetiapine, and only started to lose conciousness after 7 hours, she was intubated and survived. Paracetamol is hard to OD on as well, if you fail your attempt you could end up seriously messing up your liver. I'm not trying to disappoint you, I want to be honest and warn you of the negative effects your attempt could have. Again, I'm not so sure about the bridge method, it isn't very foolproof or reliable. CTB is final, you have to be 100% sure that it is what you want and that you will succeed, otherwise like you said you might end up sectioned which you definitely don't want. Are you sure that tomorrow is the best time to CTB? Maybe you could allow yourself a bit more time, I know you're suffering and this would be tough, but it would allow you time to search a more reliable method, which in the end would let you avoid the pain of failing an attempt. Like the other comment, I wouldn't want you to rush your CTB, since it's so final, it must be a well thought out decision. What are coping methods available for you in the meantime? Could you spend time with family or friends? If not, try to distract yourself with chores, watch movies, read books, go walking. Anything to let you hang on. I'm available if you want to talk to someone, don't hesitate! Wish you the best.

 

[woxihuanni]

I wish we had a resources section, right? You already know what doesn't work. If you want to have a hospital stay, you are a free agent.

 

[TheLostCause]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you've struggled with suicidal thoughts for so many years.

I don't know what the prescription medications are that you've listed, but I'd urge you to drop the idea altogether. ODs in general are not great methods since they most often end in hospital visits and health issues. A paracetamol overdose is not worth it, even combined with other drugs.

There are megathreads you can check out, but don't rush your decision for tomorrow just because your partner will be out. I wouldn't want you to end up hurt or in a worse situation :/

An od is my only option for such short notice. I need to do something soon, i can't keep holidng on, im so tired. Other methods just seem too quick, i want something slow and prolonged with suffering, its what i deserve.

Hi, welcome to SS ! I'll have to be blunt with you; I can't imagine how much you're suffering to feel like you have to ctb so soon, but your method isn't the best. I've read a case study where a girl ingested 262,5 mg of long acting venlafaxine with 12 g of quetiapine, and only started to lose conciousness after 7 hours, she was intubated and survived. Paracetamol is hard to OD on as well, if you fail your attempt you could end up seriously messing up your liver. I'm not trying to disappoint you, I want to be honest and warn you of the negative effects your attempt could have. Again, I'm not so sure about the bridge method, it isn't very foolproof or reliable. CTB is final, you have to be 100% sure that it is what you want and that you will succeed, otherwise like you said you might end up sectioned which you definitely don't want. Are you sure that tomorrow is the best time to CTB? Maybe you could allow yourself a bit more time, I know you're suffering and this would be tough, but it would allow you time to search a more reliable method, which in the end would let you avoid the pain of failing an attempt. Like the other comment, I wouldn't want you to rush your CTB, since it's so final, it must be a well thought out decision. What are coping methods available for you in the meantime? Could you spend time with family or friends? If not, try to distract yourself with chores, watch movies, read books, go walking. Anything to let you hang on. I'm available if you want to talk to someone, don't hesitate! Wish you the best.

If im home alone the idea is there is noone to call for help if things go sour and i can always leave and go somewhere quiet away from people to suffer.
I am sure, i keep being told suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But i don't see how suffering all my life is a temporary problem, everything is just getting a hell of a lot worse. My mh is ruining my relationship, its ruining my job, its ruining me.
I have no coping methods at all. I don't like spending time with others, i like to be alone. I can't do jobs or anything active because i have no motivation to, been trying to draw and needle felt but i just don't have the energy or the inspiration anymore. Ive been watching alot of Netflix but it's just not helping, alot of the time im off in my own world thinking about how everything is fucked and how to finish things. My only real distraction was work but im out of work on sick due to my mh so I don't even have that.

Ile try hold out i guess if i can but my head has already made the decision to od tonight and is content with it so I don't know if i can manage to hold out. My partner works nights so i spend 4-5 nights a week alone fighting the thoughts, i pick a day to give in and just go with it. If its successful then great, if its not i get like a 1-2week period of those immediate urges being subsided before i can try again.
Ive od 3 times in the last couple months, because of each containing paracetamol as a big part my liver is at risk, even if I can't do it directly my hope is one of them will eventually cause liver failure which is fatal. It maybe prolonged but i get the result i want in the end.

 

[sadworld]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

 

[TheLostCause]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

Thanks, i have already had a quick look through some of the things on there earlier. Ile have a proper look in a bit.