FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 47,040
I think that it's undeniable that life in itself is the true problem which is why wanting to die will always feel like the most logical option, to me it makes sense to want to cease existing as there is nothing more ideal than being able to not exist for all eternity. People go on about "recovery" and suicidal thoughts being the problem and is what needs to change but to me these are all delusions. Recovery doesn't exist when the true problem is life, suicidal thoughts are just the logical response, not something that is an illness. The reality is that death will always seem desirable in comparison to something so futile and unnecessary as existing, there is just too much suffering in existence to ever make wanting to delay the inevitable worth it.
Existing in this world truly is a burden and I could never see the appeal to being destined to be tortured by old age in this harmful world that is filled with risks. And even if the potential for extreme suffering was removed there would just be emptiness, dissatisfaction and a longing to not exist as a result, because to me something as useless as existence could never be worth it, just the risk of existing getting much more awful and unbearable is enough to make me wish to leave.
But it's true that life is just a futile cycle of suffering that is only a tragic consequence of evolution where all that we are destined for is to suffer more, decay from age and then just lose everything. It truly is a curse being a slave to this decaying flesh prison, trapped in the prison that is consciousness, with no relief from suffering and ourselves, as long as we stay here we truly are doomed as existence is something completely hopeless that only death can bring relief from.
It could never be an "illness" to have awareness and see life for what it really is, life is something that disgusts me and is best avoided, there is so much torment being experienced in this world which is why life really is a tragedy, it's tragic how life exists when there should just be nothing, existence could only ever be an unnecessary harm which is why only those who are gone are truly fortunate. I will always envy those who manage to ctb, it's a punishment how despite the way that life is, voluntarily exiting feels like such an impossibility, it's further proof that we exist in hell.
Existing in this world truly is a burden and I could never see the appeal to being destined to be tortured by old age in this harmful world that is filled with risks. And even if the potential for extreme suffering was removed there would just be emptiness, dissatisfaction and a longing to not exist as a result, because to me something as useless as existence could never be worth it, just the risk of existing getting much more awful and unbearable is enough to make me wish to leave.
But it's true that life is just a futile cycle of suffering that is only a tragic consequence of evolution where all that we are destined for is to suffer more, decay from age and then just lose everything. It truly is a curse being a slave to this decaying flesh prison, trapped in the prison that is consciousness, with no relief from suffering and ourselves, as long as we stay here we truly are doomed as existence is something completely hopeless that only death can bring relief from.
It could never be an "illness" to have awareness and see life for what it really is, life is something that disgusts me and is best avoided, there is so much torment being experienced in this world which is why life really is a tragedy, it's tragic how life exists when there should just be nothing, existence could only ever be an unnecessary harm which is why only those who are gone are truly fortunate. I will always envy those who manage to ctb, it's a punishment how despite the way that life is, voluntarily exiting feels like such an impossibility, it's further proof that we exist in hell.
