Venting Wanting to die but not wanting to leave my life unfinished

[GirlInBlue]

I don't want to be alive, I want to CTB. I don't want to experience my life, or know what the future has in store for me. And yet, I can't help but feel like my life is incomplete. There are still things I want to do. I want the person I control and experience life through to keep being productive, to be there for my family, to contribute something to the world; I just don't want to be a part of it.
I don't know if I'm making sense...
I want my body to stick around, doing things like a zombie, but I want my soul and my consciousness to die off. I feel an obligation to give back to everyone around me and to give myself the best life possible, but I can't look forward to that life. I want something that I can't stand to experience.

 

[katyhere]

This is completely relatable for me. I am sorry to have to admit that I don't have soothing word for you because I have the same struggle but just know you aren't alone in this.

 

[GirlInBlue]

You don't always need something soothing to say, I'm a bit happy just knowing someone else can relate.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

This is also relatable for me! Literally I don't want to grow up (I'm 18) I don't want to be in my 20s or 30s, but there is so much I could do, sadly because of my depression I don't have the strength to do anything, but I wish there was a replacement so my family and friends won't hurt when I do CTB, the real me is dead but the zombie me will be making others happy.

 

[GirlInBlue]

This is also relatable for me! Literally I don't want to grow up (I'm 18) I don't want to be in my 20s or 30s, but there is so much I could do, sadly because of my depression I don't have the strength to do anything, but I wish there was a replacement so my family and friends won't hurt when I do CTB, the real me is dead but the zombie me will be making others happy.

Exactly! I just wish there was something we could do for those around us.