Venting Wanting to CTB asap

[seasons4changing]

I have all I need for the sn method and I fantasize daily on wanting to ctb. I am trying to hold out for the holidays to give my kids that time but I really wish I didn't have to. I'm trying my best to hold on but just want things to end. Tax season is coming too and I want my spouse to receive the full benefits to help with bills and whatever else. . Sometimes I think if I ctb today I won't have to worry about them so much . I guess I need to start doing my will to sign over stuff in secret so when I ctb things will be easy for everyone.