Wanting to be honest in treatment, but I'm frustrated and scared.

[maybemaybemaybe]

I'm really frustrated because last night, I had to go to a psychiatric hospital for an assessment to see if they needed to admit me. They didn't, but I was terrified about the possibility that they would, and overall it was just a really scary and stressful experience that I don't want to repeat if I don't absolutely have to. I wasn't allowed to return to my regular treatment (PHP) until after I'd done that, and by the time I was done it was already over, so I basically didn't get any care at at all yesterday.

This happened because I told a doctor that I was having suicidal thoughts and had been thinking about methods but didn't have actual intent or a specific plan. I've told like 10 other clinicians at the same treatment center the exact same thing before (because they all ask you the same fucking questions), and that had never triggered anything like this before; they had basically always just asked if I felt safe and made sure I had other things I could do or people I could talk to if I was feeling suicidal etc. So I don't know what I did wrong this time.

I don't want to lie and say I'm not suicidal when I am, because I feel like that would be so detrimental to my treatment - I know they really can't help me with my problems if I just deny that the problems exist, and they probably wouldn't believe me anyway lmao. I don't really know what to do. I really do want to try to get better, but it just seems impossible. I'm exhausted.

Thanks for reading. I don't really need any advice or anything, although you can if you want. Just wanted to vent to some people who get it.

 

[jodes2]

You did exactly the right thing. Well done - you were honest and open. It gives them the best chance of helping you, even if a lot of it is just procedures they follow. I'm sorry you didn't get the care you want, and that the process was stressful. I've found that healing takes a long time, and care only chips away at the problems slowly. At least they're there to take action if things get critical, so you don't do something you might regret. Have you ever stayed in a psychiatric hospital before?

 

[maybemaybemaybe]

You did exactly the right thing. Well done - you were honest and open. It gives them the best chance of helping you, even if a lot of it is just procedures they follow. I'm sorry you didn't get the care you want, and that the process was stressful. I've found that healing takes a long time, and care only chips away at the problems slowly. At least they're there to take action if things get critical, so you don't do something you might regret. Have you ever stayed in a psychiatric hospital before?

Hey. Thank you for this response, and apologies for not responding at the time (I did read it). I've never stayed in the hospital before, but I realize now that I really was dangerously close to that point, and I'm not sure how the doctor recognized that in our 5-minute conversation, but it's probably a good thing that he did tbh. You're absolutely right about the potential for things to get critical during treatment, and I get why they want to err on the side of caution.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I'm really frustrated because last night, I had to go to a psychiatric hospital for an assessment to see if they needed to admit me. They didn't, but I was terrified about the possibility that they would, and overall it was just a really scary and stressful experience that I don't want to repeat if I don't absolutely have to. I wasn't allowed to return to my regular treatment (PHP) until after I'd done that, and by the time I was done it was already over, so I basically didn't get any care at at all yesterday.

This happened because I told a doctor that I was having suicidal thoughts and had been thinking about methods but didn't have actual intent or a specific plan. I've told like 10 other clinicians at the same treatment center the exact same thing before (because they all ask you the same fucking questions), and that had never triggered anything like this before; they had basically always just asked if I felt safe and made sure I had other things I could do or people I could talk to if I was feeling suicidal etc. So I don't know what I did wrong this time.

I don't want to lie and say I'm not suicidal when I am, because I feel like that would be so detrimental to my treatment - I know they really can't help me with my problems if I just deny that the problems exist, and they probably wouldn't believe me anyway lmao. I don't really know what to do. I really do want to try to get better, but it just seems impossible. I'm exhausted.

Thanks for reading. I don't really need any advice or anything, although you can if you want. Just wanted to vent to some people who get it.

I've been there . Torn between 1) telling doctors the exact truth to maximize the odds of receiving appropriate medical advice + being appropriately taken care of + not being accused of minimizing and not clear-thinking, and 2) minimizing the truth to decrease the risk of over-interpretation and restrictive actions being taken against you and against your will. This is really perverse, and I think no patient in the world should ever have such incentives to lie to doctors.

Right now, I feel like it would do me good to talk to a doctor about my suicidal thoughts and plans, but I'm 100% sure that if I did that, they would just put me in a ward and I would do even worse. They all say "don't stay alone, talk to somebody", but in practice, you're just better off shutting your mouth when you're suicidal. You can get help for pretty much anything, but as soon as it's about suicide, everybody start losing their mind for some reason.

I really hope you're able to find your way through recovery though. It's hard and exhausting indeed .

 

[bijou]

i've found it's best to be honest in every capacity, which includes honesty about fears of hospitalizations.
even when you're honest you can still collaborate with clinicians to find alternatives to hospitalization. i've expressed before to my psychologist that i always want the hospital to be a complete last resort unless i'm legitimately unsafe. sometimes psych wards can be worse for your mental state, especially if there's trauma surrounding going. you did the right thing in being honest, but you're correct in the fact that even the thought of being involuntarily admitted is incredibly stressful.

i'm sorry you missed out on your php as well because of this...
stay safe and well!