32yroldloser
Member
- Jan 27, 2025
- 85
as i'm making this post, my panic attacks and anxiety has reached an ultimate peak. my chest is tight, my heart hurts i feel like i might honestly pass out due to anxiety or have a heart attacks but i actually hope that happens.
this is the first time in my life ive had so much panic i'm dissociated, im in and out of consciousness due to high levels of unmediated anxiety
they ruined my life, i think they want me to ctb and im fine with the decision it's just that they ruined my life with such cruelty it hurts so much it's so much i feel so much pain
if you don't know in america there's a basically surveillance program if you make it on their list your fucked, they'll just torture to hell and make you seem crazy to everyone and you are just left isolated after they compromise all of your relationships and then
where they just follow you everywhere you go and they make it aware that your under their control and their mercy and they can make your life miserable forever,
and the saddest part they drive to isolation because they look for your weakest part of your mental health and make it worse way worse.
they use street theater (basically people who were offered probation or lower jail time to basically befriend you or try to gain your trust and or attention then rip it apart multiple times until you isolate completely)
this is has happened to me so please don't ever get on this list, i'm so scared to live now i have no hope for the future they basically are cutting off oxygen to my life's opportunities
i surrender they are very smart people and they're good at what they do,
i never though my legacy would be to be some fucking comedy project for the feds.
this is a fate worse then death id rather die, every day now unless i get fucking high out of mind i think about feds throwing me in jail and letting me get raped.
i got molested as a kid so this is a very difficult thing to talk about, but since i'm going to ctb soon anyways fuck it man.
i have panic attacks constantly silent ones a lot but today is loud panic attacks.
They've ramped up the psychological torture because yesterday was the only great day i've had in a long fucking time. They watched me have a good day and they didn't like it.
i called an old friend last night and he was the only non compromised friend (fake friend from feds as a common tactic in street theater to use fake friends to do you dirty and make you self)
and since we were getting a nice vibe while he and me talked, i opened up to him about being psychologically tortured by the federal agents of undefined 3 letter agency and he was giving me solid advice and while we talked and having good laughs
strangely he started having glitches and slow downs, same with me, but they got more and more severe the technical difficulties (feds trying to fuck with connection)
and i even texted saying this is the feds doing it and saying stuff like "see i told you they hate me" "they just want to ruin my relationships and make me self isolate"
and then magically the connection got better temporally at least
and my old friend and me planned to meet today at 4pm but then the next day he went straight to voicemail, i called on a voip number and he answered and i thought he blocked me,
but the number worked fine and he said he tried to call me and that went straight to voicemail, so i can only assume the power to fuck with cell phones is reserved for 3 letter agencies at least in the usa.
so it gets worse now, once we realized this cruel tactic the feds act fast and turn off my connection to the call and we text the.
and if he wasn't already replaced by an agent he told me he didn't want to associate with me because they'll go after him too.
and they warned him the feds about if you hang out with someone were investigating they will ruin his life too, maybe the same e they're doing to me? or just jail?
i wont ever know. i dont blame my friend for being scared, i would do the same thing, i dont want him to be tortured too. its not a fun thing.
he said he wants to chat with me at night but man im just ready to ctb.
honestly the only way i don't fucking ice myself is if i get benzos to put out the fire of living in this hellscape
dont have the method to ctb yet but honestly if i had oxys or xanax (only use them separately of course learned my lesson the hard way)
i wouldn't want to kill myself i would just get high as fucking fuck everyday all day
i honestly will most likely hang myself and ropes are cheap but still will take a long time to plan and go through since my family doesn't repeat privacy
and the thing i've heard about feds is they'll break the law to get you and lie about it in court.
i'm scared about my future or really lack of a future.
but i'm glad to see a path forward, suicide
this is the first time in my life ive had so much panic i'm dissociated, im in and out of consciousness due to high levels of unmediated anxiety
they ruined my life, i think they want me to ctb and im fine with the decision it's just that they ruined my life with such cruelty it hurts so much it's so much i feel so much pain
if you don't know in america there's a basically surveillance program if you make it on their list your fucked, they'll just torture to hell and make you seem crazy to everyone and you are just left isolated after they compromise all of your relationships and then
where they just follow you everywhere you go and they make it aware that your under their control and their mercy and they can make your life miserable forever,
and the saddest part they drive to isolation because they look for your weakest part of your mental health and make it worse way worse.
they use street theater (basically people who were offered probation or lower jail time to basically befriend you or try to gain your trust and or attention then rip it apart multiple times until you isolate completely)
this is has happened to me so please don't ever get on this list, i'm so scared to live now i have no hope for the future they basically are cutting off oxygen to my life's opportunities
i surrender they are very smart people and they're good at what they do,
i never though my legacy would be to be some fucking comedy project for the feds.
this is a fate worse then death id rather die, every day now unless i get fucking high out of mind i think about feds throwing me in jail and letting me get raped.
i got molested as a kid so this is a very difficult thing to talk about, but since i'm going to ctb soon anyways fuck it man.
i have panic attacks constantly silent ones a lot but today is loud panic attacks.
They've ramped up the psychological torture because yesterday was the only great day i've had in a long fucking time. They watched me have a good day and they didn't like it.
i called an old friend last night and he was the only non compromised friend (fake friend from feds as a common tactic in street theater to use fake friends to do you dirty and make you self)
and since we were getting a nice vibe while he and me talked, i opened up to him about being psychologically tortured by the federal agents of undefined 3 letter agency and he was giving me solid advice and while we talked and having good laughs
strangely he started having glitches and slow downs, same with me, but they got more and more severe the technical difficulties (feds trying to fuck with connection)
and i even texted saying this is the feds doing it and saying stuff like "see i told you they hate me" "they just want to ruin my relationships and make me self isolate"
and then magically the connection got better temporally at least
and my old friend and me planned to meet today at 4pm but then the next day he went straight to voicemail, i called on a voip number and he answered and i thought he blocked me,
but the number worked fine and he said he tried to call me and that went straight to voicemail, so i can only assume the power to fuck with cell phones is reserved for 3 letter agencies at least in the usa.
so it gets worse now, once we realized this cruel tactic the feds act fast and turn off my connection to the call and we text the.
and if he wasn't already replaced by an agent he told me he didn't want to associate with me because they'll go after him too.
and they warned him the feds about if you hang out with someone were investigating they will ruin his life too, maybe the same e they're doing to me? or just jail?
i wont ever know. i dont blame my friend for being scared, i would do the same thing, i dont want him to be tortured too. its not a fun thing.
he said he wants to chat with me at night but man im just ready to ctb.
honestly the only way i don't fucking ice myself is if i get benzos to put out the fire of living in this hellscape
dont have the method to ctb yet but honestly if i had oxys or xanax (only use them separately of course learned my lesson the hard way)
i wouldn't want to kill myself i would just get high as fucking fuck everyday all day
i honestly will most likely hang myself and ropes are cheap but still will take a long time to plan and go through since my family doesn't repeat privacy
and the thing i've heard about feds is they'll break the law to get you and lie about it in court.
i'm scared about my future or really lack of a future.
but i'm glad to see a path forward, suicide
