Venting Want to kill myself I am a burden.

[elizabethisworthless]

Struggling massively I should of never tried talking about my problems... I'm an absolute disgrace my mindset isn't welcome here and I understand why no one likes me on here either I deserve pain and hurt I'm sorry for being such a hideous worthless monster I should just stay quiet so that I don't upset more people and keep being alone forever I don't even feel worthy to be classed as a human... I'm a demonic entity... I'm completely alone and I'm having strong SH urges and my mum is encouraging me to do it even more she said I should cut myself because I'm a waste of space and that I'm selfish cause people have it worser than me..now I'm home alone in my room seems like the best opportunity to finally kill my self all of my friends have left too wish I could make people happy instead of just being a let down and a failure in life. I'm now crying in my room cause even my stepdad hit me and spat on me today and told me I'm disgusting for crying I'm so pathetic I should of just stayed silent but no stupid me had to open my mouth when people ask what's wrong I'll never learn..

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

You aren't a burden, your parents are just pieces of garbage that don't deserve to be parents. People that abuse you and abandon you are not good people and you are better off without them.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Struggling massively I should of never tried talking about my problems... I'm an absolute disgrace my mindset isn't welcome here and I understand why no one likes me on here either I deserve pain and hurt I'm sorry for being such a hideous worthless monster I should just stay quiet so that I don't upset more people and keep being alone forever I don't even feel worthy to be classed as a human... I'm a demonic entity... I'm completely alone and I'm having strong SH urges and my mum is encouraging me to do it even more she said I should cut myself because I'm a waste of space and that I'm selfish cause people have it worser than me..now I'm home alone in my room seems like the best opportunity to finally kill my self all of my friends have left too wish I could make people happy instead of just being a let down and a failure in life. I'm now crying in my room cause even my stepdad hit me and spat on me today and told me I'm disgusting for crying I'm so pathetic I should of just stayed silent but no stupid me had to open my mouth when people ask what's wrong I'll never learn..

I'm so sorry to hear your mom and stepdad being abusive towards you. :(
May I ask what age group you are and if there's someone you can discuss this to resolve the issue such as a school counsellor/grandparents?

 

[Giraffey]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this elizabeth (you are definitely not worthless) - I can't speak for your mum and stepdad, how horrible of them to treat you that way - but on behalf of all of the decent and lovely people here on the forum, I think I can safely say that you are not a disgrace and you are definitely welcome here to express your feelings as much as you need to, as frequently as you feel.

I don't think that you are a 'demonic entity' but your posts speak to the fact that you have may demons in your life, perhaps in your past and definitely inside you right now, and by 'demons' I mean emotions and pain that only you could ever possibly truly understand. But that is why it's all the more important you feel able to express yourself, because the one thing that demons don't like is 'light', being out in the open where they wriggle and writhe in the gaze of people who care about your wellbeing (that's us).

None of us knows you personally and vice versa, but we read your posts and I'm sure many of us can relate a lot to the way you describe your feelings, the sense of desperation, despair and hopelessness come across strongly in your writing. I know that none of us can make your situation better right now, but please remember that we are here to listen, whether that takes the form of reading your posts, talking over a PM if you need that, or those of us who acknowledge you by sending a little hug or heart emoji.

No decent, rule-abiding member here will ever tell you to 'shut up' or call you selfish or in any way discourage you from expressing yourself, so if you genuinely can't express yourself to your mum, stepdad or any of your other family or friends in your life away from the keyboard, then please keep on posting here. If it's something that you don't feel comfortable about sharing with us, then just make a note on your phone (or computer) instead and pour it all out as if you were posting here, but with the knowledge that only you will ever read it.

I sometimes think that human emotions are like pressurised canisters, we all need to vent every now and again to release the pressure that builds up, otherwise, the metal casing (our body) begins to buckle and bend out of shape and hurt, and if we're not careful we can end up blowing a gasket, exploding (or more often, imploding).

So keep on posting, keep on venting and someone will always be around on here whether just to listen or to help you work through the issues in your life and try to re-frame them in a way that makes them seem less insurmountable.

Sending hugs

 

[elizabethisworthless]

I'm so sorry to hear your mom and stepdad being abusive towards you. :(
May I ask what age group you are and if there's someone you can discuss this to resolve the issue such as a school counsellor/grandparents?

I'm not in school anymore my psychiatrist and counsellor told me to leave School and take antidepressants so I'm all on my own

I'm so sorry to hear your mom and stepdad being abusive towards you. :(
May I ask what age group you are and if there's someone you can discuss this to resolve the issue such as a school counsellor/grandparents?

My grandad isn't alive anymore and my Nan threatened to disown me when the police was called out (they didn't do much) she said I was ruining the family and that I should be locked up for crying and that I'm mental

 

[Heart Shards]

I'm glad you're here. I'd rather you hangout with us, than be on your own. Elizabeth, you're not a burden--you're a person that's dealt with a lot. Stay on SS; You have a place here I promise. If you need anything PM me.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Your mindset is absolutely welcome here. You're free to make whatever choices you want and we just want to support you so that you have as many options as possible. Your home situation is abusive and so I can see why you would think this way about yourself, but you are not remotely worthless. With the right people in your life and some support I'm sure you can recover. While I don't want you to feel like you're desire to die is invalid, I also don't want you to feel like you need to die because you're not worthy of living. It seems like you really do need people in your life that can help you through this. Are there people you are able to reach out to?

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I have no words to say about this other then the fact that i would gladly help you if i could. Untill then we can just talk unfortunately. I hope you find someone that can help you get through this soon. Best of luck to you

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm not in school anymore my psychiatrist and counsellor told me to leave School and take antidepressants so I'm all on my own

My grandad isn't alive anymore and my Nan threatened to disown me when the police was called out (they didn't do much) she said I was ruining the family and that I should be locked up for crying and that I'm mental

I'm outraged to hear that your grandmother is also toxic and unsupportive.
It's hurtful to be around toxic families, but as everyone said, you have been through a lot and that shows strength, we are proud of you.

Is there anyone else you can reach out to?
perhaps people such as uncles aunts or your grandparents from your dad's side?

Do you still have appointments with your counsellor these days? How often do you see him/her?
Assuming you've likely mentioned this to your therapist, what do they say about your parents being toxic or have they been able to offer you any advice?

 

[I screwed up]

Really wonder how can people be so mean and treat their own child like this. Anyway we will always be with u and will be glad to talk to you if talk to u if it helps.