ElTopo
Don't listen to me, I am drunk
- Mar 30, 2025
- 243
I'm tired, and my head hurts. Last week I've had a couple of panic attacks, it started with a pain in my side, then in my chest, then the left arm, mandible, trouble breathing etc... felt like I was gonna die and I was surprisingly okay with it.
I've been off this site for a while, thinking I could bear it some more, so I could avoid making others miserable, even they all made me miserable without thinking twice, it's not all their fault, I've sinned a lot too, I suck and I always make the wrong choice.
Anyway I think there is no other possible endgame for me, maybe sure the economy will collapse and we will have ww3 so dying in that occasion could be a nice touch but other than that nothing can fix me, no angelic woman can understand me and no miracle revelation will turn my life into a lightful journey. There is no escaping the scars of my past, all the ways I've been let down, all the times I've hurt others etc... even if there was someone willing to listen I can't even imagine how to start telling my story, some parts I've even erased from my memory, some parts don't even make me sad or angry anymore, I just feel nothing all the time.
I just want to find a suitable method and have it ready for when I feel like it. Sure I care about what could happen to others if I do it but in the end suicide happens to a lot of people, and this life game ain't worth it.
Will probably write more when I get home.
I've been off this site for a while, thinking I could bear it some more, so I could avoid making others miserable, even they all made me miserable without thinking twice, it's not all their fault, I've sinned a lot too, I suck and I always make the wrong choice.
Anyway I think there is no other possible endgame for me, maybe sure the economy will collapse and we will have ww3 so dying in that occasion could be a nice touch but other than that nothing can fix me, no angelic woman can understand me and no miracle revelation will turn my life into a lightful journey. There is no escaping the scars of my past, all the ways I've been let down, all the times I've hurt others etc... even if there was someone willing to listen I can't even imagine how to start telling my story, some parts I've even erased from my memory, some parts don't even make me sad or angry anymore, I just feel nothing all the time.
I just want to find a suitable method and have it ready for when I feel like it. Sure I care about what could happen to others if I do it but in the end suicide happens to a lot of people, and this life game ain't worth it.
Will probably write more when I get home.
